The Pleasure Principle

Musing No. 84 - Balance

2010-04-29T12:51:00.006-04:00

Have I ever told you that I'm a professional plate spinner? I have so many plates going I make myself dizzy. I've got the wife plate going, the mama plate, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, lover, employee etc... That's a lot of plates! Can you relate? Probably.

With all these plates going at once it requires a lot of balance. Balance is not my forte. It seems as soon as you have all your plates spinning in unison life throws a gust of wind your way throwing your balance off. Just as I thought I had the mama plate going we made the decision to move. Just as I got the mama & work plate going I was laid off.

Recently I've been pretty amazed at my spinning skills. This is the first I've worked out of the home in a full time job in several years. Not to mention a challenging schedule (2nd shift). It has taken some time, patience and discipline but I'm getting pretty good at this balance thing. Though it takes getting up a little earlier (me) or staying up a little later (him) Hubby and I manage to enjoy at least two meals together despite having opposite schedules. I spend quality time with my very energetic toddler, who thinks its thrilling to get into everything, including play dates and trips to the park. I clean my house and manage to keep some semblence of order. We go to church and manage to squeeze in ocassional trists with our girlfriend (church and illicit sex in the same sentence? gasp! lol I couldn't resist, my life is a dichotomy) This is in addition to working full days (well technically nights) where I am currently exceeding my goals. Somehow amomgst all this I still manage time for myself; reading, yoga (so I can keep my sanity), ocassional bubble baths and regular orgasms.

This is my ideal. I have carefully honed my ability to balance all the plates of life without spinning out of control. However much as I try I'm not Superwoman. So when the gusts of wind come my way there is nothing more I can do than pick up the pieces and begin again.

For instance my sex blogging plate doesn't spin as smoothly as I would like. Finding uninterupted quiet time isn't always easy. As I type I am on my break at work; squeezing in where I can. Also, as I learned yesterday evening taking HNT photos after getting home from work at 10:30pm isnt conducive to the mood. At that point I and my photographer (hubby) are dog tired and sexying it up for the camera is unlikely. There's always the weekend!

That's the thing about spinning so many plates; sometimes you have to get creative to find your balance.

Musing. No. 83 - Shut Down

2010-04-26T11:02:00.002-04:00

…that’s what I do when faced with a stressful situation. Not good but that’s how I function until I can come to terms with whatever is transpiring within my life. I curl up within my little cocoon…until I’m ready to face the world again. Unfortunately my blog is not immune.

Hubby and I recently had a scare. The big C word was raising it’s ugly head again. Hubby is a Cancer survivor. 5 years. There was an agonizing period of time when it was a very real possibility Hubby had Cancer again. We are relieved and very thankful that Hubby has been given a clean bill of health!

And to add insult to injury, while going through the Cancer scare, Hubby’s diabetes was completely out of control. Which meant an emergency trip to the hospital because there was concern he was having a stroke. Thankfully that too was a false alarm. But Hubby does now have a constant reminder how important it is to keep his health on track. He has permanent nerve damage in his hand and arm. It’s still functioning but painful. It’s possible to repair over time…but only time will tell.

All this amidst moving, adjusting going back to work and my new schedule, continued family drama and a very active toddler…I was just a wee bit overwhelmed. And I’ll admit the stress of life coupled with very little time together has been somewhat damaging to our relationship. However, we have managed to work through it, as we always do, and hopefully having reached the ‘other side‘ we have learned something substantial. I am a firm believer in the philosophy of that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I am proud to say the same of our marriage. All marriages go through rough patches and we are most definitely not immune. However, it makes me proud to think that when the chips are down, though we may be temporarily stunned, we always brush ourselves off…and rise…together.

I realize shutting myself off from the outside world is not exactly the best way to deal with the trials and tribulations of life. Numerous times I sat here…screen blank…and the words simply wouldn’t come. I am envious of those who can utilize the written word to vent their frustration and sort out their chaotic thoughts. This is not a tool I have within my arsenal.

That being said…life is finally normalizing and I finally feel as I can come back up for air. Now that the chaos has passed I can reflect.

Life is remarkably well. I am almost afraid to verbalize how good I feel for fear the next shoe will drop. But in truth I am happier than I have been in some time.

My new position is going amazingly well. The schedule that we were once so nervous about has actually turned out the perfect combination for us. Because our time is more limited Hubby and I have been forced to put forth the effort to spend quality time together when it presents itself…something we now realize we had allow to fall by the wayside. Time is something you take for granted when you think it will always be in ample supply. We have also found it suits us well to have time to ourselves.

Independence, a sense of self and autonomy is important within a relationship.

Though it takes some sacrifice (a little less sleep) and discipline I find that after being able to squeeze in some time with Hubby during our early morning breakfasts I revel in those few moments of solidarity while our daughter is still sleeping peacefully in bed. During these precious moments in the wee hours of the morning I am able to take the much needed time for myself. I read, write in my journal, yoga, masturbate, reflect upon my day or some mornings just lazily sip my coffee. It has become quite cathartic.

Due to the changes within our life we have put the lifestyle somewhat on the back burner. We haven’t actively pursued new lovers. However, we are still seeing our girlfriend Callie. Friday evening we have a date with she and her boyfriend. After several cancelled plans due to conflicting schedules this will be the first we have met him. It should be interesting to see if we all click. I have some reservations, which I will discuss at a later date, but I am hopeful because we thoroughly enjoy our time with Callie.

Over the last few months we are finding our desires, needs and expectations within the lifestyle are changing a bit. Perhaps we are growing. We are somewhat torn in what we want. Until we can articulate in a tangible way we will continue with the status quo. We had previously considered playing separately however this is a desire that never came to fruition. Considering the recent stresses of life I think it will be a while before we decide to take that particular fantasy into reality.

So, I am still here, perhaps a little worse for the wear, but hopefully a bit wiser.

Musing No. 82 – Drained.

2010-02-08T19:15:00.002-05:00

I am finally coming up for air after an insanely busy two weeks!

Late last month I was offered a wonderful opportunity to begin working with a well-respected financial institution. Considering the private nature of the information I will have access to I had to jump through what seemed like never ending hoops to thoroughly check my background; and understandably so!

I am so thankful for the opportunity especially within the current economic climate. The financial repercussions for my family are HUGE. That being said, adjusting to working an eight to five job again after working as an independent contractor has been somewhat of an adjustment. Last Monday was my first day and I am still getting used to the routine of sitting still for 8 hours straight. When coupled with my hour plus commute each way I came home a very tired girl.

But thankfully, the hour plus commute is a thing of the past! We have finally moved!!! We are within a few miles of my job and only a few more to Hubby’s campus. No more long drives to get to the nearest convenience store much less a decent restaurant! No more feeling smothered by having family seemingly on top of us!

We were able to move into our new home last weekend which means hopefully in the next couple of weeks we will have an ‘adult’ themed dinner party!

Eva is one happy girl! Cheers!

P.S. As our Internet service has not been installed yet posting to my blog takes some creativity. Please bear with me.

Musing No. 81 - HNT. Curves

2010-01-28T19:10:00.005-05:00

"Cultivate your curves
- they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided."
~Mae West

Musing No. 80 - Awkward.

2010-01-26T11:19:00.002-05:00

My Saturday night did not turn out exactly as I would have liked. I was going to write about it yesterday but instead decided to take some time to reflect and hopefully calm down because honestly I was quite angry at the whole situation.

I have the nasty habit of being passive aggressive within my relationships (who me?). This is something I work very hard at keeping in check but unfortunately I am human and thus fallible. I wrote recently about a woman, Samantha, who is part of a couple that I was feeling uncomfortable with. I agreed to give them a chance, for Hubby’s sake, and get together with the hopes that perhaps we were reading them wrong. While a portion of my thought process was to give them a fair shot I admit a majority of my motivation had significant passive aggressive undertones. I hoped, that if I was right and they were trouble, that by giving Hubby the freedom to explore that interest he would see them (or her) for the cads they really are and loose all interest, thereby making me feel vindicated. Not smart and not emotionally mature behavior!

I could have (and looking back should have) pulled the plug at any given time. When I attempted to flirt with her for the millionth time via text, a few hours before we were set to meet, and was again met with “I’m so wonderful, you’re lucking I’m talking to you” sort of blasé response I should have nixed the whole thing.

But, I didn’t.

In my defence I did go into the evening with the intention of having a good time. I had given Samantha and the whole situation way too much head space. So, what does any girl do if she wants to feel sexy and amazing?!? Get a new outfit of course!!! I bought a new black bustier (which will be making an appearance for HNT btw) which made my breasts look amazing. I spent the afternoon being pampered with a mani and pedi. I wore the perfect outfit to accentuate my assets; my new bustier, a short black skirt, a black sweater with the buttons undone enough to peak at what was underneath and my favorite ‘come fuck me’ boots. I looked and felt amazing!

We met at the local Outback for dinner. I was impressed that her Hubby was much more outgoing than I had expected. He was very shy from the onset and I was afraid that would be the case in person. Though he was significantly more outgoing in person he was not flirtatious in any way. I questioned numerous times throughout the evening if he was even the slightest bit attracted to me. And that would be perfectly ok if he wasn't. Not everyone is attracted.

She on the other hand was quite into Hubby and showed it. This made the entire evening feel very one sided and awkward. Poor Hubby didn’t know what to do because while he was most definitely attracted to Samantha and like anyone enjoyed the attention he didn’t want me to feel left out.

We left from dinner and went to a local bar for drinks. Again I should have utilized our code phrase and left.

But, I didn’t.

I’m a stubborn, hard headed bitch at times. So, I don’t take well to being put in my place, as was apparently Samantha’s goal the whole evening. I certainly wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. So, I flirted, laughed and joked with the best of them; but of course, good girl that I am, I did so in as a respectful and tasteful way as I could muster.

Samantha had told us previously that the most recent couple they had met had not turned out well. The guy was very into her but the woman was ‘a lump on a log’. She said the woman didn’t like her at all. Well, after spending an entire evening with her I can understand why. After hearing the story previously I should have seen the red flags and cancelled.

But, I didn’t.

So, I watched as Samantha did one thing after another to garner attention from both of our spouses. I watched as she would literally turn her back to me if I said or did anything that directed the spot light my way. She was, as Hubby refers to it, very ‘Me-Centric’. I swear, “Anything you can do, I can do better!” was playing over and over in her head the entire evening. The phrases, “I’m crazy!”, “Don’t you think I’m crazy?” were repeated, over and over and over, to the point I wanted to shove them down her throat.

I love people who love life. Our girlfriend, Callie, loves life! She is flirtatious, charming and sometimes a complete ham! But she does so because she’s loving herself and the people around her and wants to have a good time. She naturally gets a lot of attention because her gregarious personality and zest for life is infectious and she makes people around her feel good! Samantha, on the other hand, is a show-off who needs to have ALL the attention to rally her self esteem. Not only is this quality very fake and somewhat pathetic but also very unattractive.

So, while she may have a very attractive body, because her personality was less than appealing I had ZERO attraction to her. This is another aspect that made the whole situation very awkward because while Hubby was annoyed by the “Hey y’all, watch this!” antics he could more easily put it aside because he found her physically sexy.

This is a new situation we found ourselves in and as such we probably didn’t handle it the best. We do not always find everyone equally as appealing. But, generally there is some basic attraction that either of us can expand on. In this case there was nothing to work with on my end - no where to go. So, do I take one for the team because Hubby digs her or do I respectfully decline and tell Hubby “Sorry, better luck next time”?

I might have taken one for the team if I had my own playmate to direct my attention. But, her Hubby was very much a cold fish. Evidently he did find me attractive, and told Hubby as much while I was in the ladies room. But he never gave me any inkling. I might have been (might is a very broad term because after all the drama I’m not sure how comfortable I could have really been) open to sitting this one out and letting Hubby play alone - but this couple has no interest in that.

It was very much a no win situation.

In the end while it was very annoying it was not something I couldn’t deal with and easily bounce back from…

Well, sort of… Hubby did get a bit carried away with the attention and his desire. There were a few moments that were somewhat pressuring because he was really really hoping we would all click. For example when, after Samantha and Hubby had been at the bar whispering, they both rushed over like little kids to their mama saying, “He’s really into you, just go up and kiss him!” It was very much, “We REALLY want to play so you two get on board! Pleeeeeeease!”. And the numerous questions whispered from Hubby, “Do you like her?” and as he looked her up and down, “Isn’t she hot!, Don’t you like her?” etc… was not comfortable. And finally, at the end of the evening, after I got short vanilla kiss from both Samantha and her Hubby, she and my Hubby got in full on make out mode with a passionate long kiss, which made it more so uncomfortable. While I could cut him some slack because I’m sure he would not intentionally make me feel uncomfortable and I could understand it is easy to get carried away with your desires, it was unpleasant nonetheless.

So in the end I was a very angry girl. I was angry at Samantha’s behavior. I was angry that Hubby was in my opinion disrespectful by pressuring me and part of me wished he would ‘defend my honor’. But most importantly I was angry at myself; angry for not communicating enough what I wanted, angry for being passive aggressive by basically ‘testing’ Hubby by putting him in a situation I knew I would feel uncomfortable and he would be tempted.

A bruised ego but lots of lessons learned!

Musing No. 79 - Full Life

2010-01-21T13:23:00.005-05:00

So much to tell. So little time. So much has been happening this week which means my blog has been temporarily put aside. Sorry lovies!!! I promise to be back with updates soon!

Just glimpse of what's going on in my world... Things are progressing quite well with our girlfriend, Callie. We are hitting the strip club with her tomorrow night. We also have a hot date with another couple on Saturday night. Of course, you know what two date nights in a row means - SHOPPING! What better excuse for a new outfit? I promise to be back next week with some very sexy new lingerie for HNT. Surprisingly, my activities via Craigslist has unearthed an unlikely pairing - a very charismatic single man.

In the midst of my busy sex life there is also a great deal going on within my personal life. Hubby and I are very aggressively apartment/house hunting. I have been lucky to have had several interviews this week so one hopes a new job may be on the horizon. When mixed with taking care of a very precocious 1 year old my life is feeling quite full.

I promise to be back soon with all the yummy details of our weekend of debauchery as well as all the dirt on this new man.

Musing No. 78 - Flirting.

2010-01-18T14:41:00.003-05:00

As part of my increased interest in finding my own autonomy I have been attempting to get better in touch with my sexuality - my sexuality - not how it relates to others.

In recent conversations Hubby and I have discussed our differing views regarding flirting. I do enjoy flirting, but not in the same manner that he does. Hubby is a consummate flirt. He’s quite good at it. He has a knack of making you feel like you’re the only woman on the face of the earth. It’s an endearing quality and one which I don’t think I possess.

For me, flirting has always been something goal oriented; a necessary part of attracting a lover. Sometimes, I admit, it’s just another thing on my list of tasks to complete in my already busy day. Do the dishes. Check. Feed the baby. Check. Flirt with Hubby. Check.

I am envious of Hubby’s ability to enjoy flirting purely for flirting sake. This is one of life’s pleasures that I have yet to fully understand or enjoy.

So… I have decided, with Hubby’s encouragement and support, to try flirting purely for MY enjoyment. I posted an ad on Craigslist seeking men and women who enjoy flirting via email and text. As I type this I am giggling. This sounds so silly to me. But hey, ya never know what you like until you’ve tried it, right?

Musing No. 77 - Lifestyle Frustrations

2010-01-15T10:51:00.003-05:00

This blog has become in many ways my outlet, my therapy, a way to explore my desires and emotions. It is also my attempt, small as it is, to shed a bit of light on a lifestyle that often times goes misinterpreted and misunderstood. But, as with all aspects of life, there are the negative experiences as well. To be fair I feel I should shed light on those aspects as well rather than only focusing on the good. Make sense?

I wrote recently about a woman, Samantha, who was making me a bit uneasy. Hubby is totally digging this woman because, well, she is sexy as hell! She has an amazing body, very sexual and uber confident. A sure combination to get Hubby’s motor going! On paper that should appeal to me as well.

There have only been a very limited number of times that I have felt the need to veto a lover. I don’t like to do it. Hubby and I typically have similar tastes but on the few occasions he is into someone I am not, I tend to see it as an opportunity to try something new. Though I have an open mind on some things I can be somewhat stuck in my ways on others. I appreciate Hubby‘s and my differences as a chance to get out of my head a bit. Generally I learn something new about myself in the process and once or twice Hubby has learned to recognize women whom may not have the best of intentions in regards to respecting our relationship.

I am not quite to the point of saying NEXT but, I am feeling increasingly uneasy.

Hubby and I do not currently play separately. We have recently considered opening our marriage further. This is an option that is very much still on the table, but one which, as of yet we haven’t acted on. With that in mind when playing as a couple the goal is for the experience to be mutually beneficial to all participants. Keep in mind that Samantha and her Hubby are NOT open to playing alone. If this were the case none of this would matter much.

This particular scenario is quickly becoming very one sided.

Let me back up a step. From the beginning I wasn’t so keen on this particular couple. There is not much I can say about the male portion, because, well, he never talks to me. This is another issue in of itself which I will discuss briefly. Samantha’s style of sexuality is somewhat of a turn off for me. I looooooove sexually assertive women. I loooooove women who can say what they want and how they want it. I looooooove women who love themselves. However, Samantha’s choice of vernacular is off-putting.

Phrases such as:

“Are you going to ‘jerky-jerk’ today?”
and
“Are you pervin’ me?”
and
“I need to go brush my HOGS!”

These are some of the goofier statements she has made. There are others that aren’t as colorful but very brash and brazen. While it may seem silly, and I admit it does, those types of phrases are just not appealing to me. I’m a “Lady in public - Whore in the bedroom” kinda girl. That’s what I like.

It is also not very appealing that she emails, texts and messages and the next day has no recollection because she was drunk.

As I mentioned I’ve had very little to say to her Hubby. We were told he’s not very outgoing and does better in person. Because our schedules were clashing and we were out of town we weren’t able to get together as soon as would have been preferred. So, that is something we can work with when meeting. Some people just don’t do the online thing.

However, one drunken night in particular she basically went into a rant about how we had to include her Hubby more. She said, rightfully so, that he needed to feel included. Fine and dandy. However, it wasn’t until this lecture that she gave us his telephone number to call or text, nor did we have his messenger ID. So, our only way of communication was with her. However, I assumed that perhaps he got onto her for not including him (she does seem to control the show) and so of course that rolled down hill. Point taken. We’ll make an effort to include him - now that we’re able.

I spent the next day attempting to get to know him. I did the pleasantries to get to know him on a non-sexual level. I also attempted to flirt with him. I sent sexy photos. I sent texts heavily peppered with sexual innuendo. His responses were very blasé and it seemed as if he wasn’t on board and was only going along for the ride due to his ‘life of the party’ wife’s insistence. Not good!

Just a side note for all you guys out there (well, this applies to women as well). In the world of women, if a woman sends you a naked photo of herself (think full breasts or ass shot) and assuming you want to get into her pants, it’s appropriate to say something flattering back. “That’s a huge tit.” is not typically considered a form of flattery - at least not in my love language. Neither is zero acknowledgement at all. But I digress.

Another major issue is that Samantha seems to need to be the center of attention at all times and is basically using my Hubby has her boy toy to boost her ego. A majority of our conversations, limited as they are, have been centered around how amazing she is and how impressed I should be with her. Our conversations also tend to be a pissing contest of sorts. “Anything you can do, I can do better!” Not fun. And sadly I must admit that at a point I get frustrated and join in the pissing.

In contrast, her conversations with Hubby are much different. They are very sexual in nature (despite her claims to be bisexual she shows zero interest in me). Initially they were very flattering to Hubby. He ate it up. I mean what man doesn’t want his ego stroked?! But they are progressively becoming less about flirting with Hubby as they are becoming demanding and possessive of him. It’s also not appealing that when messaging us on our joint yahoo account if she discovers it’s me she makes an excuse to quickly exit whereas if she is talking to Hubby, out comes the dirty talk.

Hubby is beginning to notice and isn’t appreciating it. Recently at his own insistence he decided to address the concerns with Samantha. He expressed his concern at her Hubby’s lack of interest. There is nothing worse than swinging with a couple where one of the partners is being forced to participate! He expressed his concern that things seemed to be too heavily one sided. Samantha’s response was less than appealing. Though she did pay lip service to our concerns much of the conversation was an array of excuses.

So, at this juncture we’re not making any solid plans to meet them. We’ve expressed our concerns. We’ll see if things change. Considering my attempts to connect with her Hubby again yesterday went ignored, she has said no more than a few words to me, yet continues to send sexually charged texts, IM’s and photos to Hubby I am not optimistic.

So, for now I’m letting this whole scenario run it’s course until one of two things happen. Either by some miracle Samantha will get it through her head Hubby is a package deal - two for the price of one - and we‘ll look back on all of this and laugh. Or, Hubby will have his fill and nix the whole thing. I’m anticipating the latter will be more likely. Sometimes it behoves a woman to let her man come to his own conclusions, even if you can see the train wreck a mile down the track.

Musing No. 76 - HNT. Legs

2010-01-13T22:21:00.004-05:00

"Darling, the legs aren't so beautiful,
I just know what to do with them."
~Marlene Dietrich

Musing No. 75 - Unicorn. Could it be?

2010-01-13T12:30:00.003-05:00

Saturday evening we had a date with a sexy new prospective lover, Callie. We were already pretty confident that we would click after our night of naughty phone sex. I am happy to report that we were not disappointed!

She is confident, sexy, curvy, feminine and sassy! All components that have been known to make me see stars! The evening flowed with great ease. We laughed, we talked, we flirted… Until the time came to take our sexy selves into the bedroom. We were somewhat limited in our play - Damned Mother Nature! - but we didn’t let that deter us!

We began kissing delicately at first, with soft nibbles and caresses as Hubby watched. Soon we began to kiss more passionately with a sense of urgency. All of our desires were finally coming to fruition and it felt amazing! Soon I was able to expose her lovely breasts which I had fantasized about for weeks. Her flesh was soft to the touch and I relished in the fullness of her luscious tits. Her erect nipples looked like gumdrops just waiting to be taken into my mouth. As I caressed her nipples and breasts Hubby began to kiss her slowly and deeply…slowly moving his hands over her body. It was intoxicating! She seemed to enjoy my breasts with the same excited adoration. We went on like that for what seemed like hours. Kissing and touching one another…feeling the lusting desire that was so tangible in the air.

Much to Hubby’s surprise and great pleasure Callie began to unzip his pants. She eagerly took his thick cock deep into her mouth and sucked with such urgency you might imagine she had never seen a cock before. Her enamoured attention sent Hubby over the edge. I kissed Hubby as I watched in awe and lust. I always enjoy watching Hubby receive pleasure. It is one of life’s great aphrodisiacs.

We spent the remainder of the evening cuddling and talking as if we’d known each other for years…

Yes, I do believe the sex gods are smiling down on us! Not only have we found a partner for erotic play but also a friend. After months of searching for the ’Unicorn’, dare I say we may have found her?

Shhhh…don’t want to jinx it!

Musing No. 74 - Voyeur

2010-01-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

Faintly I could hear the sounds of her breathless moans…

I was lavishing Hubby’s cock with attention while he enjoyed phone sex with our new girlfriend. It was hot! Hearing Callie’s faint moans deepen, as Hubby explained in deliciously erotic detail what he wanted to do to every kissable inch of her body, was getting me very wet. The more I heard, the more aroused I became. The unknown of it, only hearing portions of the dirty details, was such an aphrodisiac. As I licked the shaft of Hubby’s cock I began rubbing my throbbing clit with my bullet vibe. Soon, she could hear my moans, which seemed to be equally arousing to her. Within moments we were all cumming together…

Did I mention it was hot?!?

This was a new experience for me, but one I’m anxious to repeat. Phone sex is not exactly my forte. Hubby is phenomenal and thoroughly enjoys it. Very descriptive and his deep southern drawl is intoxicating. Being the voyeur and seeing him give and receive pleasure is so arousing to me.

We have a date this evening with our sexy new friend. As hot as it was, I am sure the in person connection will surpass all of our audio lusting.

Musing No. 73 - HNT. Headed Home

2010-01-07T11:11:00.005-05:00

Nothing like flashing your tits at truckers to kick off a long road trip!

Musing No. 72 - New Connections

2010-01-06T11:58:00.004-05:00

Our unintended hiatus from playing has not only come to an end but it seems we are fast approaching a fucking streak with a plethora of sexy prospective partners. My cunt is still pulsating from our erotic fuck fest a few days ago, which has me anxious for our next rendezvous.

We have a date Saturday evening, after we get back into town, with Callie. Callie is sexy, curvy and feminine. She has a deliciously dirty mind, which I am quite anxious to put to good use. As an added bonus she is open to delving into our ideal situation of a girlfriend (whom we could play with both together and separate). She is spunky, confident and doesn’t shock easily. We’ve had a delightful time discussing our mutual fantasies and I am excited to see if the chemistry continues when we meet in person. Oh, and yes, she is a hairstylist. I think I may finally be able to cross off a couple of items from my Sexual Bucket List.

Next week I will be meeting up with another hottie at a toy party. I am excited for a girl’s night out! However, this is a bit out of my comfort level because she is not the type of woman I am typically attracted to. Physically she is sexy as hell. However, her forwardness has been somewhat off putting. I do like outgoing women, but her version of aggression is more brash than I am accustomed to. The best explanation I have is that she is the type of woman who fucks and lives like a man. She is unapologetically vulgar with her sexual innuendos. She is unabashed in her sexual exploration. When I write this statement it sounds almost hypocritical of my feminist view of sexual liberation and in fact she should appeal to me. So why does this female aggressor intimidate me so? I am unsure. Perhaps I feel inadequate in some way because I am not so open sexually. Yes, I love sex. Yes, I write about it in my blog. Yes, I enjoy multiple partners. But there remains that remnant of the ‘good girl’ I was raised to be and there are some things I still just don’t say or do and ‘good girl’s’ are not the aggressors. I realize how ridiculous this sounds but there are some lessons that are so deeply ingrained they are difficult to unlearn. It’s my determination to move outside my comfort level and to think outside the box that has me intrigued with this saucy minx. So, I’m going to the toy party, determined to have a great time and who knows…maybe I will learn a thing or two.

We also have tentative plans to meet up with a poly couple. They have experienced romantic partnerships in the past and are looking for either a physical connection or perhaps something more. This is most certainly new territory for us and I am unsure if poly is something we plan to delve into. But they seem to be great people, we have a great deal in common and most certainly interested in getting to know them.

There are some other less interesting prospects that have shown interest in us. However, I don’t like to throw out a wide net, preferring rather to get to know a select few and see where those connections lead.

I am enjoying this renewed sense of my sensual self and feel encouraged to have attracted the interest of so many wonderful people who wish to share their sensual selves with me.

Musing No. 71 - TMI Tuesday

2010-01-05T00:28:00.002-05:00

Would you rather.....

1. A relaxing vacation or an adventurous trip?

A relaxing vacation. My life tends to have enough adventure infused into it and not always when I want it. Time away to recharge is a necessity.

2. Get a perfect nights sleep or have amazing sex?

Amazing sex! I can sleep when I’m dead.

3. Rather be intimate with the lights on or off?

Neither. Candlelight or similar effect. Just enough glow to see all your glorious parts and soft enough to feel sexy and sensual.

4. Your S/O be a terrible kisser who could always make you orgasm or an amazing kisser who could never make you orgasm?

Such a tough one! I’d have to say terrible kisser who always made me orgasm. I love to kiss! It can be so intimate and passionate. But a lifetime without cumming I could never do!

5. Date someone much younger or much older than you?

Older. I have always been attracted to older men. And, lets face it, men don’t mature until they get into their 30’s and for some even later. In women I don’t care. Any sexy woman is always welcome in my book.

Bonus (as in optional): Which reality show would you be good at? Why?

Real Housewives. But I think my life may be a bit too x-rated for TV. Maybe if HBO or Showtime picked it up...

Musing No. 70 - Erotic Perfection

2010-01-04T12:19:00.005-05:00

No matter how many times we do this there is always that nervous energy at the beginning. The excitement of what is to come is intoxicating. I found myself glancing at his lips wondering how they would taste and feel against mine. Admiring her breasts, imagining sucking softly on her erect nipples. The four of us sat in the living room making small talk about everything but the one thing that was on all of our minds.

Are we going to fuck?

We met via our fav swinger website. After exchanging a few messages we made plans to meet at their apartment. Within moments of meeting I knew I wanted them both. He is the sexy artistic type. He had this whole Johnny Cash Elvis mix about him with his deep voice and sexy southern drawl. She looked to be something of a free spirit with her long flowing dark hair mixed with sultry full lips. I was enamored with her full breasts atop a petite little body.

What happened next was quite possibly the most erotic encounter of my life. It was how everything flowed that made it so erotic; our bodies were all working in unison like pieces to a puzzle. She kissed me with such passion I can still feel the heat of her lips on mine. Passionate would most certainly describe the entire encounter. We touched one another with such desire and fervency as if we might never touch another person again. Within moments we were a jumbled mess of bodies; intertwined in such a way you could not tell where one person began and another ended.

She paid delicate attention to my nether regions using her tongue to caress and gently cajole my orgasm forth. The mixture of delicate caress and passionate force sent shots of electricity through my body. I found myself grabbing her hair and as my hips bucked forward with intense pleasure. I took a moment to catch my breath. I could hardly wait to flip her over and taste her sweet juices. Her pussy was a lovely shade of pink and like her body was petite and perfectly symmetrical. It tasted as sweet as it looked. I began licking her throbbing clit while I penetrated her with my fingers. As I thrust inside her I felt her wet pussy begin to tighten until her pussy clenched as she came. She began to writhe and giggle as her delicate bits became sensitive to the touch.

With great excitement and anticipation I took his cock into my mouth as she watched, obviously aroused by the sight. Soon she joined me in caressing his cock with our mouths. Hubby moved between her thighs and began to lick her delicate pussy. Soon her body began to writhe again as she rocked her body back against Hubby’s face. The more aroused she became the more intently she sucked her Hubby’s cock. As pleasure over took her she directed me to suck his cock while she watched. The sight of her Hubby’s cock in my willing mouth sent her over the edge into waves of orgasm.

We repeated the scene with Hubby’s cock in our mouths. The sight of her mouth on my Hubby’s cock equally aroused me. She took all of him into her mouth while she looked into my eyes with desire. She would come up for air to kiss me passionately telling me how good it tasted. Her hubby buried his face in my pussy and soon it was me that was writhing with desire. His soft goatee gently caressed my thighs as his soft tongue caressed my clit.

We continued like that for hours…caressing, licking, sucking, writhing and fucking… Until finally we collapsed into a pile of breathless sated bodies. We lay there a few moments gently caressing one another. She grasped my hand as if wanting to hold onto that connection that was so tangible between the four of us. Suddenly and unexpectedly she crawled on top of me rubbing her pussy against my flesh and kissing me passionately. With that we began again….until again we were breathless and sated.

As we drove home, 6 hours since we had first met our new friends, I felt a sense of calm come over me. I felt so in tuned with my body, my sexuality. Likewise I felt a sense of connection with Hubby. Those who have not shared their spouse may not understand but sharing your partner, in some strange way, seems to create a closer connection.

It’s a shame after such a perfect first meeting that we live so far away. But, I’m thinking the next time we are in town we have a date.

Musing No. 69 - HNT

2009-12-31T01:22:00.006-05:00

2009 HNT Favorite

and

an extra treat for the New Year...

It isn't what I do, but how I do it.

It isn't what I say, but how I say it,

and how I look, when I do it and say it.

~Mae West

Musing No. 68 - Pussy Show

2009-12-29T15:13:00.002-05:00

I looked at my pussy today. One of my ‘self help’ books, as part of embracing your sensuality, asks that you look at your pussy. Not only look at it but also discover it, paying close attention to the numerous changes as you become aroused, and taking note of the color, shape and delicate curve of your most sensitive skin.

I was a bit uneasy about this little exercise. I have not viewed my pussy since giving birth. I was nervous at the possibilities. What if I didn’t like what I saw? What if my perfectly symmetrical pink pussy was forever lost?

I braved ahead and I am thrilled that I did. With a deep sigh of relief I viewed what is still a gorgeous pussy. There are subtle changes. The lighter shades of pink have been replaced with a lovely deeper shade of pink. My lips are more voluptuous and full. However, much is the same. My small hood is still perfectly perched atop my clit and a twin pair of symmetrical lips hinting at the pleasures to be found within.

I love my pussy.

Musing No. 67 - New Year's Resolutions... Who needs 'em!

2009-12-28T16:55:00.003-05:00

Regardless of the happenings of the previous year I always look forward with great anticipation to the New Year. There is something to be said for that symbolic renewal a new year brings. This year seems oddly different. We are all familiar with the New Year’s Resolution but perhaps it is because I have already begun to make changes with in my life there isn’t the need for the motivation which symbolism provides.

I feel I am on the cusp of something new, exciting and empowering. I can nearly feel in a tangible way energy coursing through my body in anticipation. Am I being a little over dramatic over what may seem like fairly minor changes to others? Perhaps. But at the end of the day it is my joy that is significant in my life and I am feeling quite joyful these days.

I have delved into self-discovery but in a different way than I have ever experienced. Rather than looking at what is wrong in my life I have made the conscious choice to look at what is right in my life. My desires are being put on the forefront with an exuberance I haven’t experienced since my youth. I have always said that I am a work in progress. While I will never say I have arrived or I have it all figured out (who does?) I do have the sense that I am on the right track.

One afternoon I curled up with a cup of tea and literally made a list of my desires. Whether it is a condo on the beach or something seemingly minor, like the perfect cup of coffee, I listed any and every thing that tickled my fancy. You don’t realize how pleasure starved you are until you begin to list your desires.

Having a tangible list to refer to is empowering in some way. It is even more so empowering to mark the desires off my list. This morning, while drinking that perfect cup of coffee, I reflected over my list of desires. It feels decedent, for the first time in ages, to focus on my needs, wants and desires without guilt.

This focus on pleasure has impacted every facet of my life. I have taken the time to read again. In the last three weeks I have read 4 books. As a new mama I can’t begin to tell you what an accomplishment this is. I have surrounded myself with the inspirational works of the fabulously empowering women that have gone before me. I have struggled with body image my entire life. The after effects of having a baby have only magnified my self-loathing. So, for the first time in my life I decided not to diet. I’m done with counting calories, stressing over carbs and fat. Instead, much like the French, I am enjoying a little bit of all of the delectable flavors I love. Moderation is the theme. Amazingly I have lost 7 pounds; during the holiday season no less! I am learning to speak French, meditating every day, getting in touch with my physical self via yoga, pampering myself with bubble baths and facials. The list goes on.

I have found that not only has this inspired me but Hubby as well. He is eager to help me achieve my goals. Rather than feeling guilty, as I would normally, I am relishing in his attentions to my needs. And I can tell you; as a result, the roses he brought home for my desk smelled all the sweeter and the Saturday morning mimosas were all the tastier. Our stressors are still present and do cause moments of pause but on the whole my household is much more joyful.

P.S. I was out of pocket recently and missed HNT. Due to impending weather we bumped up our holiday travel plans and haven’t had Internet access until now.

Musing No. 66 - HNT - Recycled...again.

2009-12-17T15:56:00.004-05:00

I've been bad...very very bad. Wanna spank me?

Unfortunately, this week's HNT snuck up on me again. Damn! So...I'm recycling one of my favorite photos of my breasts. This photo ALWAYS makes an appearance on my swinger profile or when exchanging photos with prospective lovers because I love it so much. I will be joining in next week for Christmas themed fun...promise! xoxo ~Eva

"The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up."
~Marilyn Monroe

Musing No. 65 - TMI Tuesday

2009-12-15T13:16:00.006-05:00

1. Have you ever mooned/flashed anyone? How long ago?

Sure. Hmmm...aprox. a year, maybe two, before our daughter was born (wow, that's sad). One of the swinger clubs I belong to has a monthly party. They give away several door prizes. The tradition is the female of the pair flashes her ta ta's when you claim your prize. Hey, who am I to argue with tradition?!? *wink*

2. Pick and animal that best displays your personality.

Butterfly. (really an insect, but whatever) They seem so graceful and carefree. At times I get too stuck in my head but that is what I aspire to be - a free spirit. Thus the butterfly tattoo on my breast.

3. Do you mail holiday cards, and if so, how do you pick the list?

I always mean to, but never seem to get them in the mail. I admire the stepford wives who send adorable hand made cards, cook amazing meals and go above and beyond in the PTA - all the while looking flawless. Sadly that is just not me. For instance, while attempting to organize last week I came across last years Christmas cards in a box. I made the list and picked out the cards. Great intentions. *sigh* How do I pick the list? Like anyone, I imagine, I send to whomever I'm close to. In regards to our 'friends' (yea, those friends) it depends on how enmeshed we are in their life. Some don't like to mix vanilla with kink so I respect those boundaries and don't send anything that they may have to explain who we are.

4. How often do you wear something sexy to get attention (lingerie, low cut dress, silk boxers...)?

Often. I wear/own many sexy tops that flatter my cleavage. I rarely wear lingerie to bed. I prefer to sleep in the nude, the feel of my body against the sheets. I also rarely wear panties so a sexy bra is my normal under garment of choice. However, if I am wanting to feel extra sexy I may slip on a garter and thigh highs. I have lots of sexy bustiers, corsets and teddy's that make an appearance before a good romp, but I rarely have them on long. *wink*

5. Have you ever tasted breast milk SINCE you were an adult?

Nope and I have no desire. I haven't been offered and certainly had no desire while I was breast feeding (your breasts no longer feel sexy at that point, they are more 'functional') Of course Hubby loooooved my breasts during that time. Hard as rocks, perky and nipples that would poke an eye out. He gave it a taste for curiosity sake. Lets just say he wasn't a fan. lol

Bonus: Do you like "talking" when you have sex?

Absofuckinglutely! Dirty talk is a must! Tell me how good my tight wet pussy feels on your fat cock, fuck my ass hard baby, make me your little cock slut, fuck me, fuck me, fuck meeeeee! That sort of thing. *wink*

Musing No. 64 - Opening Up...More. Part Deux

2009-12-14T20:58:00.005-05:00

For whatever reason it seems vacations, a break away from the regular, causes one to be more adventurous. Hubby and I are no exceptions. We are going to be out of town for two weeks immediately after the Christmas holiday. We are heading to Hubby’s home town to visit family. While this is a family visit it is also a vacation from the stress that we have felt living here; my family, school, financial obligations etc.. While all of those issues will still be here waiting for us when we return it will be nice to let the stress go for a bit. Hubby’s family, while not perfect, are a stark contrast to my family. They are relaxed, mellow and tend to see the world through rose colored glasses. In addition to the relaxed atmosphere their home truly feels like a retreat in the mountains.

With that in mind Hubby and I have decided to take advantage of this more carefree time to test the waters so to speak in opening our marriage…more. While the logistics are still being determined the anticipation is invigorating. Often times stepping out of ones comfort level can be a scary thing. There are of course the scary thoughts (the what if’s) but on the whole I am becoming more and more excited. It feels good to step outside myself and try something new; not only exploring my sexuality in a different way but expanding the boundaries of our relationship. Good things indeed.

In addition it is interesting to watch the evolution of my beliefs. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that I am and will always be a work in progress. Life experiences continue enrich my life and expand my understanding of both myself and others. This is certainly true as it relates to my beliefs regarding relationships, marriage, individuality, and open marriage.

There was a time that I felt that having a lover separate from your partner was selfish. Swinging together did not have the same negative connotation for me. It was my belief that in experiencing new lovers together you were benefiting the relationship because you did it together and by doing so it was adding something to the relationship. So, with that concept in mind fucking someone alone was entirely about your needs and desires - not the relationship - thus, selfish. This was a concept I was not comfortable with.

I spent a greater part of my twenties consumed with pleasing those around me. To consider what I wanted was foreign to me and honestly down right uncomfortable. I won’t go on a tangent about how women in our society are taught to put themselves last; to be the perfect mother, daughter, wife means putting everyone else’s needs first. Yea. NOT going to go there, promise. *wink* Of course, I am sure spending years with an abusive, controlling and manipulative husband didn’t help matters.

At any rate, over the last few years, with Hubby’s support and gentle nudging when needed, I have slowly become more in touch with my pleasure. Along the journey I have slowly begun to question my previous thoughts regarding a fully open marriage. It recently came to me (with a bit of help from more in depth reading) that it is ok to enjoy something apart from your spouse; and if you so choose that can include fucking. That is no more selfish than Hubby watching a football game when he knows I don’t like sports (I’d rather be shopping). To have thought otherwise seems almost comical to me now!

I don’t know how things will evolve with this new found interest in opening our relationship further. However, I love the fact that we can embrace these new desires without threatening the solidity of our relationship. I’m sure this may seem trivial to those who have come to this epiphany long before me. But it’s almost like stepping out into the sunshine for the first time!

I recently finished reading the novel, “The Awakening” by Kate Chopin. The book is extraordinary! It is truly an awakening of a women who refuses to be caged. While my brief synopsis would never do it justice there is one line that is very fitting here and that which has caused me to think more than any book I have ever read.

“You have been a very, very foolish boy, wasting your time dreaming of impossible things when you speak of Mr. Pontellier setting me free! I am no longer one of Mr. Pontellier’s possessions to dispose of or not. I give myself where I choose. If he were to say, ‘Here, Robert, take her and be happy; she is yours,’ I should laugh at you both.”

I love that!!! "I GIVE MYSELF WHERE I CHOOSE!"

Perhaps this is my awakening….

Musing No. 63 - HNT.

2009-12-10T17:01:00.005-05:00

Embrace Your Inner Princess
(Some days a girl just needs her tiara!)

Musing No. 62 - Opening Up...More.

2009-12-09T14:30:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I have decided to switch things up a bit. We had decided some time ago that having an entirely open marriage where we have our separate lovers was not for us. However, as one evolves so do their desires. We have decided to again explore our own autonominity.

Does this mean there is trouble in paradise? Absolutely not. However, this is relatively new territory for us so we are dealing with the expected nervousness of the “what if”. We delved briefly into playing separately very early on in our relationship. However, at the time we were enjoying the newness of each other and playing alone wasn’t as enticing as enjoying new experiences and lovers together.

What has brought forth this renewed interest? Perhaps it is our desire to identify ourselves as individuals. The responsibilities of life can be smothering. It’s difficult when you feel you are solely identified by your role within your family unit. I think this is especially true of women; of mothers. I adore my daughter and relish being a mama. However, remembering we are more than a mama, wife, husband or daddy is at times difficult. What would it feel like to again just be Eva?

Does Hubby share these thoughts and motivations? I believe so. I also believe he misses the validation of being desired by someone who isn’t attached in some regard to his spouse. Swinging for men can be somewhat humbling. The truth is that often it is the women that receive the primary attention. The male partner is of course enjoyed but more as an added benefit than the star attraction. (This is of course not always the case but in our experience it is more common than not)

Because this is a new consideration we are still contemplating the details. I also think Hubby is still overcoming shock as this was my suggestion and is somewhat out of character for me. Many questions come to mind. Will we each have our own date night? Will one of us stay home with the baby while the other is out? Will we simply find a couple who plays in separate rooms? Will I play alone with another woman (something we’ve done before so this isn’t new territory) or a single man? There are a lot of crazy people in our world so Hubby has reservations of me meeting a man alone whom neither of us really know. So safety is another concern.

Of course the questions of how this will affect ‘us’ are also being tossed about. Will either of us be jealous? Jealousy is a natural emotion we have both experienced from time to time and have successfully dealt with. However, the differing dynamics of playing alone brings forth more opportunities for jealousy. How will we go forward in dealing with any jealous emotions that arise? What if one of us has a great time and the other does not? Where do we go from there? These are all expected questions and most certainly require some contemplation. I am confident we will be able to successfully navigate this new path with mutual respect, love and compassion.

Musing No. 61 - TMI Tuesday

2009-12-08T15:47:00.002-05:00

1. Which is more important of the two in "chemistry," physical attractiveness or emotional attractiveness?
Emotional attractiveness by far. Yes, physical attraction is important. But your personality greatly impacts your physical attractiveness. A person can have a kick ass body but a terrible personality which makes them less attractive. Where as someone can be moderately good looking and they have a rockin’ personality. That’s the person that is going to turn my head and get me wet.

2. On a scale from 1-10, how kinky are you?
7 or 8? I will (and have) try most anything once. I’m open to new experiences, new people, new sensations.

3. Sitting on Santa's lap... fun or creepy?
Oooh…that could be fun. You think if I tell Santa what a naughty girl I am he would spank me?!?

4. Have you ever fallen asleep or passed out during sex?
Thankfully no. I think my ego might be pretty bruised if someone fell asleep while I was fucking them. Ouch!

5. Do you wear socks to bed? Is that okay or totally unsexy?
Ha! Ha! I wore socks with Vicks on my feet when I was sick. Sooooo not sexy!

Bonus: What is your greatest strength? Weakness?
Sexually? I suck a mean cock! *wink* I also think I’m pretty good at the whole teasing seductive thing. Weakness? Hmmm… I’m not as in good a shape as I once was. So, there are times I just can’t stay in that same position forever. lol

Musing No. 60 - I'm baaaack...with curves!

2009-12-08T15:08:00.004-05:00

I didn't discover curves,
I only uncovered them.
~Mae West

Musing No. 59 - Still here.

2009-12-04T14:00:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to post a quick update. I have been out of commission with the flu. Well, my entire family has been sick actually. It's frustrating to say the least considering we are typically healthy and rarely get sick. Something in the air? In our house? Who knows. I do know I will be relieved to get out of town for a while. We are making a sweep during break (finances permitting) of Hubby's family. This is much anticipated. It's been...tense, here. Hubby's family is very mellow and laid back. A welcome break. We may also make good use of Grammy and have a few nights out to our selves. Who knows what manner of trouble we will get into. *wink*

So...not gone, just sick. I'll be back Monday with a treat for your viewing pleasure. xoxo

Musing No. 58 - TMI Tuesday

2009-11-24T14:52:00.002-05:00

After a week of no postings and being stuck in bed I’m on a roll. Joining in this week’s TMI Tuesday a bit late…but better late than never. *wink*

1. Is there an entertaining story attached to (women) your first bra / (men) your first jockstrap?
Entertaining? No. A story? Yes. I developed early on. By the 4th grade I was wearing a C cup. In a sea of flat chested girls I was blatantly aware that my body was different. An experience in my formative years began my long held disapproval of my body which I still struggle with. Long story short, a boy from school assaulted me in an attempt to remove my bra. He made a bet with his friends, chased me down, threw me to the ground and attempted to remove my bra to take back as a souvenir to show off to all the boys evidence of his conquest. Sadly the boy in question was never punished and the phrase “Boys will be boys.” was used several times. As a result I refused to wear a bra for some time in part due to fear and extreme embarrassment.

I am determined to do differently with my daughter. I envision the day she gets her first bra to be a celebration of sorts. A day at the spa, mani’s, pedi’s and a trip to Victoria’s Secret to pick out the most lovely bra’s we can find.

2. Is there a story to (women) your first try at bralessness /(men) your first encounter with bralessness?
Nope. I often forgo panties but with DDD breasts going braless is not really an option.

3. How about your first time going commando?
In all honesty I have been going sans panties so long I can’t really remember a “first time”.

4. Or your first discovery of lack-of-underpants in another?
The first girl I fucked didn’t wear panties. I don’t have a specific memory beyond being excited that we had that in common. Until I got involved in the lifestyle I didn’t meet many people who went commando.

5. Any other good underwear-related tales to tell?
This is ironic but I always wear panties when I attend a swinger’s party. As free as I profess to be I still don’t like random fingers on certain parts of my body. Though I’ve never been ‘groped’ per say there are those men who like to graze their hands beneath your skirt as you pass by. I find the barrier of panties make me feel more at ease.

Musing No. 57 - A Time for Change

2009-11-24T14:17:00.006-05:00

I am beginning to wonder if there is something in the air. I am sick yet again! I spent the better part of last week curled up in bed and am only now beginning to feel like some semblance of myself. Lets hope the god’s decide that I have paid my sick quota for the year!

There have been some pretty major issues come up in the last week. With being sick the timing could not have been worse. Hubby and I have hit a wall. The stresses of the last few months are finally coming to a head and we are very rapidly reaching our breaking point. Much of the stresses we are experiencing are situational. Of course there are always those issues that rear their ugly head from time to time. Though we may endure a battle of wills on occasion Hubby and I always seem to find ourselves on common ground and working together - as a team.

Though finances are still a concern some major changes will be taking place in the next year. One of the major changes is that Hubby and I are moving. Though geographically the move is minor (just one town over) the impacts are huge. I won’t be delving into all of the drama of my family dynamic so suffice it to say it’s feeling a bit too close to home. One of the major benefits, beyond privacy, will be the ability to set firm boundaries with my family that I could not otherwise accomplish when they are in my back yard.

Another fairly big decision is my choice to return to therapy. They say that time heals all wounds, but unfortunately some wounds run too deep. While this topic is intensely private I can say at the end of the day my little trio is all that matters and I can no longer allow my past affect my future. If one were to describe me I would like to believe joyful would come to mind as opposed to damaged. Unfortunately as things stand damaged and jaded would be more apropos. It is a choice. You can live your life hurting and dwelling on what went wrong or you can take a step forward with courage, strength and grace. I am hopeful for the latter rather than the former.

Along the lines of self improvement I am determined to finally loose my baby weight. As shallow as it may seem the truth is I have agonized over the many changes my body underwent after the birth of our daughter. This internal angst has become more transparent in my procrastination in getting together with prospective lovers with the excuses of limited time or money. So, in addition to making peace with my body and loving myself, flaws and all, I am going to quit moping about it and get off my derriere.

Finally, and certainly not least I am looking into the option of returning to school. It’s been no secret that I have been envious of Hubby’s return to school. In dealing with these emotions I have discovered that I was feeling left behind. While Hubby has been pursuing his dreams and improving himself I have felt stagnate. While I adore my family I do not want to be defined solely by my role as a mother or a wife. The plan has always been that I return to school after Hubby graduates. Because we have a young child and having two full time college students is not an easy task financially we had never even considered the option. However, after a family member suggested looking into it I found that it is not so far out of reach as I had once believed.

"Life is about change. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's beautiful.
Most of the time it's both."

Musing No. 56 - TMI Tuesday. Savage Edition

2009-11-17T10:46:00.003-05:00

1. What are your thoughts on Polyamorous Relationships?
I think Poly relationships, like all other relationship variations, can be rewarding and fulfilling. But likewise, as with other relationship styles, requires work to be successful. That being said I have questioned the longevity without balance. It seems (at least to me) if all are on the same path it is much easier. So, triads and the like seem easier in some manner. All are equal working together as a unit. However, it seems that when there are differing levels of hierarchy (primary vs. secondary) it can become more tricky.

Speaking for myself, I have always found the thought of a triad with another woman appealing. However, in practice I think it’s unlikely to find someone that would be compatible (I am not the easiest person to live with).

2. What is on your list of relationship "deal breakers"?
Abuse. After surviving a physically and mentally abusive relationship I will never again put myself in that situation. Infidelity is also a big one. Though my definition differs from the traditional considering our lifestyle.

3. How long did it take you to find the type "you are into" and/or accept it?
I don’t have a physical type per say. Each person is sexy and beautiful in their own way. However, I knew I was attracted to out going confident personalities early on. In regards to being attracted to women - looking back that was also present very early on, though I didn’t recognize it as attraction at the time. That did actually take a while to accept it. I called myself ‘bi-curious’ because I was terrified of the label ‘bisexual’. Now I just go with it.

4. What is your view on full disclosure about past relationships? (Lies of omission not lies of commission)
It took me a long time to realize that the past is the past. It’s best to leave it there. I have a tumultuous past to say the least. I bared all to Hubby before we married. I felt it only right, considering I was still dealing with some of it, to give him a heads up. However, I don’t think it’s necessary to disclose every detail of your past relationships. Some traits are innate but I hold onto the belief that people can change and grow. Who you were with that person doesn’t necessarily define you as a person. (I’m wondering now if that’s the direction this question was geared toward. LOL Oh well….)

5. Have you ever been in a situation where you were not comfortable complying with the adventurous request of a lover?
Yep. Hubby likes the idea of including food in our sexual play. (Think licking whipped cream or honey off my breasts). I absolutely hate the thought of being sticky in any manner. We tried the whipped cream once but I had to go wash it off right away. lol Oh well, I tried. That’s one of the lovely things about our lifestyle - he is welcome to try it with another woman who may love it. No need to give up on that fantasy.

Musing No. 55 - The Chase

2009-11-13T14:49:00.006-05:00

It is no surprise to anyone who reads my musings that I prefer women. Well, let me clarify. Without question I do enjoy men – I absolutely adore Hubby. But in the realm of ‘swinging’ it is a woman that gets my pulse rate up. Perhaps it is that I don’t have a real life woman to play with on a regular basis. Or, perhaps it is due to my tumultuous past I am forever jaded in the realm of men.

During a sexual encounter I enjoy every inch of the man I’m with. I do enjoy playing with couples a great deal. However, it is the chase that sometimes turns me off. I hate feeling like a piece of meat – something to be conquered. Unfortunately, a vast majority of the men I have encountered seem to be under the impression that women want them to control them – to impress them with their sexual prowess and dominance. This has never appealed to me.

Perhaps it is my distaste for overtly forward men that has me quite captivated and intrigued with a man we have been conversing with recently. His wife is equally intriguing because, well – she’s a woman. She also has a great personality and we have a good amount in common. But it is her Hubby that now has my attention. He is a ‘newbie’ having very little experience within this lifestyle (she played in a past life). Perhaps it is due to his inexperience and uncertainty with how to proceed that has prompted him to be more cautious (for lack of a better word).

I suppose if you have never been involved in this lifestyle in the past propositioning another man’s wife could be reason for pause. But whatever the reason I’m enjoying getting to know someone without the constant pushy sexual innuendo. It’s nice to know that someone may finding me sexually attractive and though he has the desire to fuck my brains out – in the light of day will treat me with courtesy rather than a object to be obtained.

Or, perhaps when it comes down to it I like the chase – rather than being hunted.

Sculpture - Kneeling Man Embracing a Standing Woman, Gustav Vigeland

Musing No. 54 - HNT. Pillow Talk.

2009-11-12T00:39:00.005-05:00

Do it now - Do it now

Say sweet words - I want you to say.
Gimme dirty talk.
Do it now - Do it now
Sleep with me - In your special way.
Oh baby, just talk dirty to me.

~S.E.X. Appeal

Musing No. 53 - TMI Tuesday #212

2009-11-10T17:06:00.006-05:00

1. I lost my virginity at 18, in the back of a car, on prom night. Where and when did you lose yours?
I lost my virginity at 18 years old in my boyfriend’s apartment. Nothing terribly exciting. I think back now on all the offers I had as a young girl to fuck and part of me wishes I hadn’t been so affected by my parent’s ‘scare’ tactics.

2. I think my ass is my best sexual feature. What is yours?
My breasts by far. Though it’s now a love hate thing. They are not what they once were (babies reek havoc on your body) and I’m in the process of embracing and loving the new me.

3. A recurring theme in my fantasies is being slammed up against the wall. Do you have a recurring fantasy or a theme to your fantasies?
Hmm…I have a lot of fantasies, most involving women. One of the most recurring is my girlfriend tying Hubby up and fucking him silly…while I watch and masturbate. I join in later of course. *wink*

4. I love watching guys masturbate. Do you enjoy watching others (a partner or a stranger) masturbate?
Yes! I love watching others masturbate. I also enjoy mutual masturbation. I am very voyeuristic so I imagine watching a stranger masturbate would be equally arousing.

5. I hate when guys are quiet in bed. I like to hear you moaning as you cum. Do you like you partners quiet? Are you quiet?
A girl needs that positive reinforcement - so moan away, let me know I’m doing my job right! I am a screamer. Though I am told that right before I cum I get quiet for a few moments and start breathing heavily and then….I let loose!

6. I love playing with nipples. Do you having your nipples played with?
Yes, I love my nipples played with. A soft tongue caressing them, gentle nibbles, hard pinching the closer I get to cumming, nipple clamps. (I dedicated an HNT to my love of nipple play) You name it I love it! Here’s a little known fact. Before I had my nipples pierced I had very little sensation in my nipples - literally I could only feel pressure. Unfortunately the piercing didn’t last but it was well worth it to now be able to enjoy an array of delicious sensations.

7. My ‘number’ is between 15 and 25. What is your 'number'?
My ‘number’ is in the 20 range. Ironically I have fucked more people as a married woman than I ever did when I was single. I got off to a bit of a late start. *wink*

Musing No. 52 - Authentic Self

2009-11-09T16:06:00.003-05:00

"Authentic Self "is a term I hear often at church. However, it is a term that I often struggle with. While I have never considered myself terribly religious, I do consider myself to be spiritual and I have long since believed my spiritual path and lifestyle can coexist.

My church rocks! We believe it is the message that is sacred, not the method. With that in mind our weekend services are reminiscent of a rock concert complete with smoke, lights, videos and a kick ass band. We believe worship can be fun – a celebration of God’s love and presence within our lives. We have earned the reputation about town as the “sinner’s church” in part due to the acceptance of all people regardless of where you are on your spiritual path, how you dress, your sex, race or sexual preference.

Sex is openly discussed and it’s encouraged to enjoy the best sex life you can – within your marriage. For example, we recently were greeted in the lobby by our leaders soaking in a tub. In part of our recent series on marriage it was discussed how one couple’s recipe for success was to take a bath together every night. It was during that intimate time they communicated about their day and any problems they were facing as a couple. And, so, there they sat soaking together in a tub in an attempt to encourage us and to of course provide a good chuckle. I can tell you, being raised a strict Southern Baptist, how uncommon this sort of display is.

But it is the term Authentic Self that at times causes some inner turmoil. We are encouraged to be real and authentic. Each time we hear that phrase mentioned Hubby and I give one another a sideways glance because we know that there are parts of ourselves that will always be hidden.

It’s not that we desire to discuss our sexual exploits, no more than I would discuss my sexual relationship were we monogamous. Some things should remain private after all. But it’s the other discussions of life that we often sensor. For example when asked what my hobbies are I can only share my more vanilla endeavors.

A simple question, “What did you do today?”, becomes an inner conflict.

In truth I may have written an entry here, read a few of my fav sex blogs, responded to a message or two on a swinger website, emailed a few photos to prospective lovers, taken HNT photos etc., none of which I can share without giving away more of myself than I am comfortable. Instead I may say I followed up on some prospective leads for a job or took my daughter to the park. While this description of my day is true, the omission of my other interests is most certainly contradictory to the sentiment of my Authentic Self.

Even transparency about my interests is seemingly impossible. While I am able to share my interest in homosexual rights I am unable to share my equaled interest in polyamory and other alternative relationships. Even something as simple as what I am reading causes conflict. I can’t say how much I am enjoying reading the second addition of The Ethical Slut. Instead I consider my audience and discuss another favorite book, God Chicks.

Unfortunately, as much as I despise the thought, I find myself compartmentalizing my life. To do otherwise would risk alienating myself from a place that I otherwise feel at peace. And, so, I will continue the balancing act until the day comes that I can be truly authentic.

Musing No. 51 - Out of Pocket

2009-11-06T15:57:00.003-05:00

I have been out of pocket the last few days which is my more genteel way of saying I have been gawd awful sick. Hubby and I have food poisoning. Yuck! I am finally beginning to feel some semblance of myself. That being said I am taking my leave and will be back next week hopefully feeling well and refreshed.

Hope everyone has a safe and sexy weekend!

xoxo,

Eva

Musing No. 50 - Loose Ends

2009-11-02T19:50:00.002-05:00

I have been slacking on providing updates on previous posts. And, well, since I have a great deal more time on my hands I decided it was time to tie up some loose ends.

30 Days of Fucking

After allowing the stuff of life to interfere with the frequency in which Hubby and I were fucking we decided to dedicate 30 days to fucking. While this did the trick to remind us to make intimacy a priority – we did not exactly stick to the 30 days to the letter. Unfortunately our lil trio came down with a flu…and, well….

Sexual Bucket List

The list has not been forgotten! While Hubby and I have enjoyed some pretty amazing fuck fests they have not included any cameo appearances. If you notice a majority if not all of my fantasies often include either the addition of another woman or some good ol’ group fucking. Since our swinger side hasn’t had an opportunity of late to come out and play the bucket list is inadvertently on hold as well. Soon…I hope.

Anticipation

Hubby and I had a date scheduled recently with a hot sexy woman whom we met via Craigslist. Unfortunately circumstances came up on both ends that forced us to reschedule. She is most certainly still in the picture. We continue to exchange deliciously dirty texts, emails and photos and we anticipate a meeting and fucking very, very soon!

More specifically we anticipate our drought of sorts will soon be over. We have made some good connections via our fav swinger sight and at this juncture it’s a matter of scheduling. It also doesn’t help that, due to my recent set back in employment, finances are somewhat of an issue. Swinger club dues in addition to the cost of a babysitter for the evening can add up quickly. But where there is a will there is a way!

In addition to some couples that are very appealing I am especially excited to see how things pan out with a sexy lesbian couple that contacted us recently. Three women – bodies hot, sweaty and intertwined…the mind reels! Of course, I am not sure if Lesbian is the appropriate term considering they are both bi-sexual. What ever you call them they are sexy as hell and most importantly they totally dig us! *wink*

Musing No. 49 - Pleasure

2009-10-30T14:12:00.003-04:00

"I felt it was time to play. Most of my thoughts, time and energy had gone into creative effort. And this restriction of the love drive, the headshrinkers will tell you, is the greatest urge one really has. When one sublimates the sex drive into creative work it puts a person on high gear, mentally. I admit it. But it's against my nature to bottle up the biological plans of pleasure for any length of time. I hope I don't sound as if I have discovered the secret salve that soothes the universe, but I do want to add my small footnote on the subject.

~Mae West

This quote resonates with me recently. Though I haven’t been pouring myself into creative efforts I have been placing a majority of my attentions on the responsibilities of life. Like all women I wear many hats. That of a wife, mother, sister, daughter, employee, etc. I have for many months been neglecting my own pleasure. I have been aware of the growing neglect but have made only mediocre attempts to correct it.

In the world of “no pain = no gain” it becomes easy, especially for women, to place others needs and desires above our own in the pursuit of being the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect employee. In my case it also became a cop out of sorts. Lets face it – being true to yourself and your desires takes courage, gusto and determination.

While I do not have all the answers I do know something’s gotta give. Pleasure is a choice - a decision to enjoy ones life. I want every day to be about pleasure, passion and fulfillment - not a special treat on my Birthday or Anniversary. I want to create a life where pleasure is the rule rather than the exception. Does this sound selfish? Maybe. Or perhaps that is what our puritanical society has conditioned us to feel.

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

~May West

Musing No. 48 - HNT. Vulnerable

2009-10-28T15:16:00.008-04:00

My recent loss of employment has left me feeling a bit vulnerable and raw. Since this blog is reflective of my life, this week’s HNT allows a bit of that vulnerability to peek through. They say the eyes are the windows of the soul.

When you look into my eyes,

And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul,

It always comes as a surprise.

When I feel my withered roots begin to grow,

Well I never had a place that I could call my very own.

That's all right my love, 'cause you're my home.

~Billy Joel

Join in the HNT fun!

Musing No. 47 - A New Day

2009-10-26T22:35:00.002-04:00

I received a pretty big blow yesterday. I lost my job. I am still pretty angry as to the reason, considering it was no fault of my own. But I digress. While the timing couldn’t be worse I am determined to move forward.

Until about 4pm yesterday I moped around a wallowed in self pity. But finally, at Hubby’s insistence, I unwound with a hot bath, candles and my fav music. As the warm water began to relax the tension in my muscles my mind also became more clear.

One of the most difficult lessons to learn but also the most important is to roll with the punches. I have faced much greater trials in my life so while this is discouraging I am up for the challenge. So, with that positive outlook in mind I decided to treat myself to an evening of pleasure.

I pleasured myself - literally - in the bath. I learned at a young age the deliciously wonderful sensations a pulsating shower head can create. I then enjoyed an evening of pampering complete with mani, pedi, facial and all the sweet smelling lotions and potions. My toes look fab in my fav pink polish btw! *wink* I admit I did polish off a bottle of wine. (Just a side note - this is a rarity for me. I do enjoy a glass of wine a few times a week with dinner or after the baby is in bed. Generally it stops at a single glass. However, this evening I decided to treat myself and completely unwind). I spent the remainder of the evening watching my favorite movie (“The Thomas Crown Affair - I could definitely live with Catherine Banning’s life.)

And now refreshed and renewed I am ready to face a new day. Truth be told I hated my job. While it did pay the bills it was mind numbingly boring. I often complained to Hubby how much I thoroughly despised my days because of my job. I also wasn’t all too successful in hiding my envy of Hubby’s return to school, while I was doing something I did not enjoy on any level. In truth I was settling because I felt it was best for the family as it allowed me to be home with our daughter. However, as Hubby pointed out, this is a much needed nudge to do something I actually enjoy; something I could respect myself for.

So, as they say, when one door closes, another one opens. While the financial stresses are always in my mind I am determined to remain positive and to see this as an opportunity rather than a set back. While the uncertainty is definitely nerve wracking I am also excited at the anticipation of finding something great.

It’s a new day - and a new me!

Thanks to all for the words of encouragement yesterday. It was much appreciated! *wink*

Musing No. 46 - Disheartened.

2009-10-26T12:31:00.002-04:00

I had the beginnings of something cute, sexy and saucy for today. Unfortunately I am no longer feeling cute, sexy or saucy. Among other things I am feeling deflated, discouraged and just plain down. I am now a member of the droves of unemployed - another victim of the economy.

While I had seen warnings floating about referencing concerns with productivity being below standards I thought I was in the clear because I was performing well. While I won’t go into the details, suffice it to say it feels like a kick in the teeth to be discharged for upholding their policies. And to add insult to injury, with the exception of student loans, mine was our only income. We are now in very scary territory.

Hubby, darling that he is, is nothing but supportive and encouraging. It is truly during the tough times that you see what a person is made of. I have said this many times in my life but he is truly my rock.

So, with that being said, I am going to retreat and lick my wounds a bit. I have determined I am going to give myself today to mope and feel sorry for myself. I’ll put on my brave face tomorrow. So for now, I am going to crack open a bottle of wine, take a bubble bath, curl up with my daughter and watch a movie - anything and everything I can to avoid thinking of the “what if’s” of our financial future.

Musing No. 45 - Perceptions

2009-10-23T09:23:00.001-04:00

I have been doing a lot of introspection in recent months. One area of contemplation has been centered around my interactions with others. If you have not already noticed I can be quite opinionated. However, sometimes I fear I am not as delicate as I could be and as a result I may offend or alienate others with my brashness. While I may be intending to be a bit tongue in cheek and witty, at times I can come off harsh and the dirtiest of all dirty words - judgemental. This is by no means the desired outcome but ultimately it is how I am received that matters, right?

I have been semi aware of my propensity to be perceived harsher than was intended. However, it has been spending a greater amount of time with my mother that I have become glaringly aware just how similar we are in that regard. This fact is very disturbing. While I do love and respect her purely for who she is, at times I don’t like her. It is not necessarily her actions because I do know her heart is in the right place. Better put, it's not the message but more so the method.

This manner of addressing others comes out often within my personal life and occasionally in my blog and via the social network of the world wide web.

I am a very passionate person by nature and as such tend to pour myself heart and soul into that which has captured my attention. While I have no desire to dilute my voice it would not hurt to soften my approach.

So, while I will continue to speak my mind - it is my blog after all - I will attempt to broach topics of interest in a tone that is more easily digested.

Musing No. 44 - HNT. Pearls.

2009-10-22T00:01:00.004-04:00

But all over America, little girls in their mother's pearls saw the picture and thought, "That's what I want."
~"Sex and the City" Season Four

Musing No. 43 - Small World

2009-10-21T10:01:00.003-04:00

Hubby was perusing Craiglist yesterday and came across an ad that caused him to burst into a fit of laughter. Hubby often browses the casual encounters section in cities we have previously lived purely for entertainment value. In this case he was in the MW4W section in his home town. Imagine his surprise when he happened across an ad posted by an old football buddy from high school who was looking for a woman to join in some nekkid fun with he and his wife. Hubby resisted the urge to message his old high school chum on Facebook to tell him his wife has great tits (she does!!!).

It got me to thinking. I suspect that, if those of us in alternative relationships felt more comfortable being open about who we are, the sheer numbers would be impressive. The Kinsey Institute for Research estimates there are more than 4 million swingers in America. However, I would be willing to wager that this number is significantly larger.

It also got me to thinking about the increased popularity of swinging within the younger generations. It seems that alternative lifestyles in general are becoming more and more accepted; slowly but surely. This is not only true of the swinger community but also plural marriages, polyamorous, and the homosexual community to name a few.

It’s surreal to consider how many people I have met in normal day to day life whom I later found were swingers; this is not to mention family members. Hubby’s parents were swingers. We have suspected my aunt & uncle after my mom found a photo of them & another couple nude in the hot tub. Not to mention their numerous "camping" trips with other couples. My sister had a brief stint in an open marriage. I have happened across many a swinger profiles online of couples and women I knew within my normal day to day life. Hubby has been recognized by patients via our photos online. I wouldn’t be surprised if every person within our country knows at least a handful of people who are secretly practicing an alternative non-monogamous relationship.

Personally I find these tidbits of information to be reassuring. It's nice to know you're in good company. I believe, thanks in part to those who are coming forth within the mainstream media, that we are ever so slowly evolving and eventually alternative relationship dynamics will become not only accepted but common place.

Musing No. 42 - TMI Tuesday #209

2009-10-20T00:33:00.002-04:00

1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay?
Honestly considering our current living arrangements and with having a young child the home I would have to say romance. I think it’s not uncommon for new parents to struggle balancing their alone time with family time. In our case I think more recently we are ‘fucking’ more often than making love purely due to time constraints.

2. What is your worst habit?
I come by it honest, but I tend to dwell and over analyze pretty much any aspect of my life. This can be a blessing and curse at the same time. I believe it has kept me from making poor choices however it can be quite exhausting to over think some of the pleasures of life as well.

3. Do you take compliments well?
No. Not at all. I become embarrassed, blush and struggle with what to say in return.

4. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
All of the above. lol See #2. I have had some trying times in my past and it has been a struggle for me to leave the past where it belongs. However, with all the changes in recent months I would say I think a great deal more about our goals for the future.

5. Do you feel everyone has a soulmate?
While I do think there are select people out there whom we connect with on a deeper level, I don’t think those connections are limited to only one. I find it interesting that people do tend to come into our life precisely at the time we need them. Call it what you will - soulmates, fate or just dumb luck.

Bonus (as in optional): "Where Would You Wish To Wake Up?"
In 5 star resort on a secluded tropical island with Hubby. The cool ocean breeze caressing my skin. No responsibilities. No time constraints. No stress. No worries. Just me, Hubby and the ocean.

Join in the TMI Tuesday fun here!

Musing No. 41 - Anticipation

2009-10-18T22:56:00.003-04:00

I am as giddy as a school girl! Hubby and I have a date Friday evening….with another woman. I love the anticipation of connecting with someone new. Those nervous butterflies are intoxicating. I may be premature in writing considering we have had several possibilities in recent weeks that did not pan out But I can’t help myself…

I am especially intrigued at the possibility of finding the much sought after Unicorn. The lady in question is sexy as hell with killer curves. I have always been attracted to strong women who could hold their own in any given situation. She is no exception. She has confidence in spades and is uber sexual.

We are meeting up at a local swinger club. I am quite excited to check out the local swinger scene. I think it comes to a surprise, to those outside our ‘lifestyle’, that this is a very empowering environment for women. As one local club so eloquently put it, “The ladies are our most precious commodities. They are the reason we are all here. So defer to their wishes and comfort level, let them set the tone of events and respect them at all times.” This is truly the sentiment of the ‘swinger’ community as a whole. Women are adored and respected. It’s ironic, the contrast from ‘vanilla’ society, given the popular misgivings.

Hubby I think is more excited for the opportunity for me to connect with someone outside of my family and our home. I have been, as you will easily read here, in a bit of a rut of late. I am quite sure this will be a welcome change and a much needed push out of my funk.

You never really know until you meet in person if everyone will connect and there will be a tangible chemistry. However, regardless the outcome of the evening I am enthralled at the mere thought of being back into the ‘swing’ of things, so to speak.

Stay tuned…

P.S. I am a bad girl… I didn’t post an HNT photo this week. Wanna spank me? Not to worry…I will make amends this Thursday. *wink*

Musing No. 40 - Rant

2009-10-15T01:03:00.005-04:00

Be for warned. This is a bit of a rant.

We have had a fair amount of family obligations this week. We both get a small thrill texting with lovers while we are doing the family thang. It’s like our naughty lil secret and we pass a few winks here and there and sneak away to whisper about what’s being said. It’s our way to insert a lil excitement to what may be an otherwise dull evening.

That being said. Hubby was conversing with a couple we had not previously seen photos of. They exchanged 4 photos - face photos of both, her breasts, and zoomed in photo of his cock. Now, let me preface this to say I am not terribly turned on by cock photos. I read on a blog recently (sorry I can’t remember which one) that a cock photo is like opening your presents before Christmas. I couldn’t agree more! I would much rather see a photo of your face or a strong broad chest. A fellow blogger recently posted the most sexy photo for HNT. It’s was amazingly hot because it was the whole package with the slightest tease to what is below.

Don’t get me wrong. I can appreciate the male form. I love a good cock. I love the look of it. I love the feel of it in my mouth, my pussy, my ass. I love cock - when it’s tangible. A cock photo with nothing behind it does nothing for me. It’s the flirtation, the interaction and mutual excitement that gets me going.

The same can be true to some degree for women. It is the personality that makes me wet. However, I do find that the female body is more desirably photographed. I don’t think I am necessarily within the minority in that regard.

However, this particular couple was evidently keeping score. Hubby relayed that I thought he was an attractive man and of course took note of her breasts. She asked what I thought of his cock. I gave the obligatory, “It looks nice and thick.” Evidently there was not enough attention paid to what he thought was a superb example of the male specimen.

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when a man (or woman for that matter) fishes for compliments. I love mutual flattery. I love the flirtation and expressing one another’s mutual desire. I am all for dirty talk and explaining in detail how I am going to fuck you sideways. However, I am not and will not be your Insta-Ego boost!

NEXT!

Oh, and just for good measure. There is no such thing as “situationally Bi”. Either like pussy or you don’t.

Ahhh, glad I got that off my chest. *wink*

P.S. I’m running a bit behind but please check back tomorrow for HNT!

Musing No. 39 - Precious Gift

2009-10-14T21:37:00.006-04:00

It was a year ago that she came lilting into my life with her charming little smile and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. Her halo of platinum blond hair looked like that of a Goddess. From the moment she graced my life I have been in loving awe of that gregarious personality which is all her own. Her innocent yet precocious nature never ceases to amaze me. Her infectious little giggle and sheer exuberance for the simple pleasures of life has given me a joy I never imagined

What this little darling did not know, and may never fully realize, is how she has transformed my life forever. It is because of her that I have pushed forward leaving the past where it so long ago needed to be. It is because of her that I have striven to be the woman I always knew I could be. The woman I must be. For this blond little cherub, who came from the heavens, deserves the best this world has to offer.

I knew from the moment my eyes met hers that I would forever be changed because I was lucky enough to have known her. My darling little girl, the love o’ my life. You will forever have my heart.

Sugasm #175

2009-10-12T13:51:00.010-04:00

I'm bummed that I just recently discovered Sugasm (I'm still a blogger newbie *wink*) and now it is on hiatus. Ah, such is life. Enjoy this weeks submission from fellow sex bloggers.

HNT courtesy of Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen.
This Week’s Picks
Pitiful
“Sometimes I miss you so much that I am pitiful.”

MFM: Frustration
“I feel the weight of someone kneeling between my legs.”

Give me one
“Give me your orgasm.”

Sugasm Editor
Fetish FridaysKidnapping

Editor’s Choice
In Which Steff Has The Worst Birthday Ever

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

BDSM & Fetish
As luck would have it, I’m the luckiest slave alive.
My Introduction to Bondage
On Your Knees
Presented

Erotic Poetry
Clouds

Sex Advice
What Does Sex Feel Like for a Woman?
Where in the world is my G Spot?

News, Reviews & Interviews
Clitoris
The Erotic Woman
Nipples
Streaming the Golden Showers
Top Five Tuesday – Bloodsuckers

Sex Humor
Options. Confession #349

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Calista
HNT: Clamps
Rock n’ Roll Princess ~HNT

Sex Politics
What the hell is “rape-rape”?

Erotic Writing & Experiences
Always Laurel
Girlfriend – Mandy
Mouth For War
Musing No. 33 - Waterfall
Sexting
A Taste of Chocolate
What lies beneath

Musing No. 38 - HNT Recycled

2009-10-08T01:13:00.009-04:00

As I mentioned earlier in the week I haven‘t been feeling fabulous. Unfortunately I am on a deadline with work so I haven’t been able to take off for some much needed rest. With that being said I am bowing out of the HNT this week. Well, sort of. I hate to leave y’all hanging so here is another pic of the ’girls’ from a couple HNT’s ago, sans candle. See y’all next week with some new material.

Musing No. 37 - The Beginning

2009-10-07T01:37:00.015-04:00

I have noticed that often fellow non-monogamists, who either blog or are more vocal within the mainstream media, originally began because one or both partners cheated and discovered that monogamy did not fit. My journey was somewhat different and I wonder at times if I was simply lucky to have figured it out early and to have been matched with partners who were of like mind.

My introduction to non-monogamy began long before I met Hubby. Thinking back it was my adopted sister’s brief stint in an open marriage that planted the seed in my mind. Her Hubby’s job as an engineer for the railroad kept him away from home. They decided to open their marriage more for practicality purposes. It wasn’t long before the arrangement ended in part due to my sister’s frustration that he had more dates than she did.

My first serious boyfriend, at 18 years of age, introduced me to swinging after I had confessed my attraction to women. First we began going to strip clubs and fantasizing how hot it would be to have a threesome with another woman. He had told me of a club he had frequented when he was stationed in Hawaii. He described it as “anything goes”. I didn’t put two and two together exactly what he meant at the time. Later, when I went to my first swinger club, it became clear.

I was in awe of the openness and acceptance of your sexuality. I was still very inhibited with the nervousness of youth so I was more of a voyeur than a participant. I revelled in the freedom of it all. Naked bodies dancing together - loving and accepting of each other. Orgies with bodies so intertwined that you couldn’t tell where one person began and another ended. It was intoxicating.

It was in a later relationship with my first husband that I began to fully explore my sexuality. It was then that I finally had my first experience with a woman and solidified that I was most definitely bisexual. We discovered that we both had an interest in swinging and enjoyed exploring our sexuality outside of our marriage. Though this relationship was not what I would deem successful (the story in itself is sad, depressing and entirely too long. Suffice to say he lost his battle with mental illness and took his own life) I was thankful for it’s many lessons. I learned that I can be monogamous within a relationship and feel fulfilled. However, I also learned that I prefer some manner of an open relationship. Most importantly I learned that any relationship, either monogamous or open, can not work without trust, mutual respect and honesty.

When I met Hubby is was a period of rebirth in my life. My first husband had died. I was living by myself for the first time (yes, sad but true). After spending 8 years with an abusive and very controlling husband I was thoroughly enjoying finding myself again. This may have put Hubby to a bit of a disadvantage as I wasn’t looking to fall in love or get married. I wouldn’t agree to even so much as go on a date with him in the beginning. We talked on the phone, emailed, text etc.. for over a month before I finally agreed to have lunch with him. We soon discovered that we both shared and affinity for open sexuality and were surprised that though we had never met we ran in some of the same circles.

Though the end result was similar Hubby began his sexual exploration much earlier on than I. I am sure the knowledge that his parents were swingers helped things along a bit (his parents to this day have no idea that he knows btw). In college he became involved within the swinging community both as a single guy and occasionally with a female partner. When we met he was in his 30’s and had never married which, he says now, was in part because he knew that he wanted a relationship which had room for openness.

While we always knew we would eventually want to fuck other people, in the beginning we agreed that we needed time for us. So, we did not play until we were married and the first year of our marriage was closed. When we finally decided to open our marriage it first began with discussing fantasies and dirty talk. It quickly progressed to again becoming involved within a community with which we were already quite familiar. We discovered through trial and error that for the most part we prefer to play together. We both find seeing the other give and receive pleasure to be an aphrodisiac and when we play separately it feels that something is missing; perhaps it is that extra bit of adrenaline. However, playing separately is always on the table. I have never, within this relationship, played with men alone. It just doesn’t appeal to me. I do enjoy girlfriends and there is something to be said for having some one on one girl time. More recently I have had an increasing interest in finding a girlfriend in which both he and I can play both together and separately.

In the span of our relationship we have been both monogamous and non-monogamous. In addition to the time we devoted to ourselves early on we have, when we felt it appropriate, closed up shop. For example after the birth of our daughter we had an urge to retreat into our little cocoon to enjoy being a family without any outside influences. More recently we are situationally monogamous due to our move away from our previous partners.

While we may define our relationship as being open or that we are ‘swingers’ I thoroughly enjoy that there are no limits to it. Our life and relationship is ours to create. We enjoy the freedom to choose if and when we play with others. I also greatly appreciate that this was our choice. Neither of us pressured the other or made the other feel being open was a prerequisite of the relationship.

Very lucky indeed!

Musing No. 36 - TMI Tuesday

2009-10-06T15:07:00.003-04:00

I am fighting off a cold and as a result I am pretty much worthless this week. So my postings will likely be limited to TMI Tuesday and possibly HNT if I‘m feeling better. Of course there is always the potential for incoherent ramblings here and there. After a shot or two of cold meds I come up with the craziest notions.

1. What is your underwear "style" of choice?
Typically I prefer to go commando. If I do wear panties generally I choose lacy boy shorts (I love that peak of my ass showing) or depending upon the occasion and outfit I love a thong or g-string.

2. How old were you when you had your first sexual experience?
This may surprise some considering my sexual openness now. However, I did not do ANYTHING sexual (beyond some kissing) until I was 18 years old! There was time when Miss Eva was saving herself for marriage. Shocker huh? I have an appreciation for that time in my life filled with innocence and naivety. I very much wanted to please my parents though I always questioned their beliefs. But, boy oh boy the fun I could have had!

3. What about a potential partner turns you on?
Personality and sense of humor! Yes physical attraction is important. But personality is equal if not more so important. You can have a rockin’ body but if your personality sucks you won’t be attractive to me. On the flip side I have known people that were not traditionally good looking but their personality made them sexy as hell. I can’t fuck someone I can’t connect with mentally. When it comes down to it regardless if it’s a one night stand or a long term thing at the end of the day I want to ‘like’ the person I’m fucking.

4. Have you ever played a game which may require you or others to disrobe?
Sure. I’ve enjoyed a few games of strip poker or truth or dare.

5. Given or received finger scratch marks during sexual activity?
Both. It’s amazing what goes on in the heat of the moment.

Bonus: How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?
I don’t know if I can count. I have enjoyed days where we literally spent the entire day and night fucking with brief intermissions for sleep and nourishment.

Musing No. 35 - Hot For Teacher

2009-10-01T01:55:00.005-04:00

I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this!
Whoa! Got it bad,
Got it bad,
Got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher!
I got it bad, so bad
I’m hot for teacher!

~Van Halen

Musing No. 34 - TMI Tuesday

2009-09-29T01:18:00.001-04:00

1. Have you used put anything edible on (or in) your partner's body and then eaten it?
No. This is one of the few things I’m a bit nutty about. I have a huge aversion to being sticky. So, as hot as it may be to some, just the thought of something edible which would then become sticky is a huge turn off, much to my hubby’s chagrin.

2. Have you ever had an AIDS test due to reasonable suspicion or hyperactive imagination?
Thankfully no. I do get tested regularly but thankfully I’ve never had a scary moment.

3. Have you ever fantasized about someone else other than your partner while you were engaged in sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
Sure. Hubby and I include a lot of dirty talk and fantasizing in our repertoire which of course can include other people. Also, if we are playing with another couple seeing Hubby give and receive pleasure is a huge turn on for me so I let my mind run with it.

4. Have you ever engaged in sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation while in a moving car? A car being driven by someone not engaged in the sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation?
Yes, yes and yes. Ahhh…the memories. lol Let’s see…I have given head many times while the guy is driving. I have played with my girlfriend in the back seat while her Hubby was driving and my Hubby was in the passenger seat. I have had sex in the back seat while someone else was driving. I have masturbated many many many times in the front seat while Hubby drives (this is especially nice on a long road trip). Hubby often participates depending upon his mood (sometimes he enjoys being a voyeur). The only thing I haven’t done is received head while I was driving which I think logistically would be pretty difficult.

5. Have you ever had sex so many times or for so long that one or both people involved runs dry?
I am a lucky girl to be able to answer YES! I have had some pretty amazing fuck fests where when we are finally done we are all on the brink of dehydration and our sensitive bits are a bit raw the following morning.

Bonus (as in optional): Name 5 things an unplanned (or planned) visitor would find in your bedroom?
1. Condoms (Safety first!)
2. Glass dildo
3. Strap-on
4. Vibrating Egg
5. Restraints

Musing No. 33 - Waterfall

2009-09-28T18:03:00.003-04:00

He gently parts my smooth lips to reveal the delicate pink skin within. I can feel my clit begin to pulsate and throb at the thought of his impending touch. He is taking his time. Tension builds as he gently kisses my inner thighs, occasionally biting softly which sends a shock of electricity through my body.

He moves down again paying delicate attention to my now aching pussy. Gently caressing the outer portions with his soft wet tongue. Gently teasing me with little flicks, careful to not yet touch the now wet inner lips and swollen clit. He wants to make me beg for it.

I succumb to his wishes. Softly at first and then more loudly and urgently…begging him for more. Suddenly his tongue is pressed firmly against my engorged clit. He continues to caress my clit with long firm strokes of his tongue. I can feel the tingling sensation throughout my body as I come closer and closer to the brink. Just as I begin to cum he buries his tongue deep within my pussy sending me into waves of intense orgasm. I catch a glimpse of his face and recognize the familiar look of satisfaction as he lavishes my juices.

As the waves of intense feeling begin to slow he begins again. This time gently pressing his fingers within my cunt. Two fingers at first. Gently pressing against the inner folds of my pussy as he inserts another finger. Gently and slowly until he has 4 digits within my now dripping pussy. The mere thought of him slowly stretching and filling my tight little cunt makes me even more aroused. When the realization hits that he is going to slide his thumb inside me, my euphoria is briefly interrupted by slight panic.

He hushes my soft protests with a long passionate kiss as he continues to press inside me. I feel a sudden rush of excitement and intense arousal at the knowledge that he is fisting me. He begins to press against that little mound of pleasure within me. I can feel the pressure building. I can feel my pussy stretched and aching for more. I begin fervently rubbing my throbbing clit. Suddenly I feel a rush of energy as I cum; my juices spraying like a waterfall of orgasm as my body writhes with intense pleasure.

The walls of my stretched pussy squeeze his wrist as my juices drip from his hands and down my inner thighs. My body spent from pure ecstasy, I lie there quivering in sheer pleasure, the familiar look of satisfaction on my face.

Musing No. 32 - In The Closet

2009-09-25T14:13:00.003-04:00

A fellow sex blogger, Sexie Sadie, recently wrote about a Q&A session with her family regarding her open marriage. In all honesty this has me green with envy. I do not necessarily wish to share the specifics with my family however it would be lovely to feel that there could be some manner of openness about who I am.

My family is ultra conservative and ultra judgmental. My sister firmly believes that if one is gay or bi-sexual then you are more apt to molest children. Clearly I am not going to share my affinity for the fairer sex if I ever want to be left alone with my nephew. My mother is pretty much anti sex of any kind. She believes porn is disgusting. She thinks PDA’s are inappropriate. She also firmly believes that if you find another person sexually appealing or attractive then it in some way diminishes your feelings toward your partner and as such is ‘cheating‘. Can you imagine how carefully Hubby and I are to not make it too visible that we’ve noticed a sexy man or woman pass by?

This has always been a source of contention for me. Even in my formative years I disputed their closed minded beliefs. However, now that I have a child of my own these beliefs are much more prevalent in my thoughts. Hubby and I plan to raise our daughter that ‘alternative’ relationships are valid and do work, homosexual relationships are not ‘wrong’ and that we will love, accept and embrace her regardless of what her sexual orientation may be. While we are still unsure how much or when we will clue her in on our own "arrangement", I certainly do not want her to feel that a heterosexual monogamous relationship is the only path. Due to our differing belief system I cringe at the thought of the day when our daughter begins to, as all children eventually do, mimic the lessons we have interwoven into her every day life.

I am bracing myself for the day when my sister undoubtedly questions her son being able to play with our daughter because our beliefs may inadvertently rub off. Considering the fact that my sister and brother in-law will not so much as allow their son to wear pink or eat with a pink utensil because it could "make him gay" my hopes are not high.

I have made waves here or there when I think it will not create too much scandal; in part because of my rebellious nature and also to prepare them so I won’t have as much of a fuss when I stand my ground if they correct my child. They are aware that I believe homosexuals should be given the right to marry. They are aware that I believe plural marriage should be allowed. They are aware that I do not have any issues with Hubby going to the strip club with the guys (though they don’t know that I go as well). I have made mention of my friend whom is in a poly relationship and referenced how she and her girlfriend both have children with her hubby.

How freeing it would be to be able to be open and honest about who I am, to do something as simple as listing my sexual orientation on Facebook as bi-sexual. Unfortunately, it becomes more and more clear that unless I intend to completely alienate my family I will have to continue keep the greater park of my beliefs and lifestyle in the closet.

In a recent conversation my mother expressed her belief that a child who would not have otherwise been gay may ‘give it a try‘ if you put the seed in their mind. She believe this attraction is learned rather than being innate. So, whereby if you promote that homosexuality is ‘wrong’ then your child will be less likely to be gay. Considering this is exactly how I was raised and I am in fact very much bi-sexual I had to hold back a chuckle and the urge to ask my mom, “How’d that work out for ya?”

Musing No. 31 - HNT Erotica

2009-09-23T23:33:00.001-04:00

Once you put your hand in the flame,

You can never be the same.

There's a certain satisfaction,
In a little bit of pain.

I can see you understand.
I can tell that you're the same.
If you're afraid, well rise above.
I only hurt the ones I love.

~Madonna

Musing No. 30 - Craigslist

2009-09-23T13:37:00.000-04:00

I have never had the best of luck with Craigslist. I have posted a couple of ads in the past but little if anything came of it. You must first weed through the numerous spam and bots to find the few legitimate responses. Typically I peruse the W4W, MW4W, and W4MW sections. Notice you do not see a M4W or W4M section listed. I tend to become frustrated with single men who send pushy messages wanting to get together while their wifey-pooh is out of town. Unless wifey is going to join in or by some miracle you have grown a vulva in the last few minutes don’t bother me. Don’t get me wrong I love cock but I have a marvellous cock at home to play with any time I please; so it is pussy that gets my attention.

That being said I am attempting, rather unsuccessfully, not to get my hopes up about a prospective lover that I found via Craigslist. I answered an ad of a woman looking to fulfill a fantasy to play with a couple. She has never been with a woman which, is surprisingly a huge turn on. Typically I shy away from inexperienced women because of a few bad experiences with ‘fuckers remorse‘. However, for whatever reason the thought of being a teacher to an eager student is quite enticing.

We are still in the early conversations of discerning if we are compatible; a process that can take a bit more time for a first-timer. It could go anywhere from here. However, regardless of the outcome it feels good to slowly get back into the swing of things, so to speak.

Stay tuned…

***I wrote this yesterday evening and have since made contact with another prospective lover via Craigslist. Perhaps the Craigslist Gods have decided to show pity on me and throw a bone or two my way. Regardless I am excited at the prospect because this particular woman is looking for a 'girlfriend' as well as a playmate, which is more to my liking. It also seems, thus far, that we have a good deal in common both in and out of the bedroom. We shall see...

Also, my Sexual Bucket List is finally up! Go here to keep up with my tally of sexual exploits and debauchery.

Musing No. 29 - TMI Tuesday

2009-09-22T01:47:00.003-04:00

1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Only one? Could I wipe out all the overly commercialized industry created groups that look like they are barely a day over 16? Jonas Brothers come to mind.

2. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Once I got past feeling a twinge of guilt wondering whose it could be, I might treat myself to a mani & pedi or massage.

3. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
As cheese ball as it sounds, truthfully, the first thing that came to mind was my Honeymoon. We pulled our wedding together in two weeks and were equally pressed to determine our vacation spot. Vegas won out. We had an amazing time! It was truly a hedonistic. We fucked like rabbits, took sexy pictures, enjoyed massages, great food and fabulously erotic shows (I highly recommend Zumanity), got new tats and I won $500 on a quarter slot machine. Had it not been for a full day delay in the Chicago airport it would have been near perfect in all respects. I would love to do it all over again!

4. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck. Fucker. Fuck It. Fuckity-fuck-fuck. Or of course, the ever favorite - FUCK ME! Ummm…yea, I have a sailor’s mouth at times which, I need to improve considering I have an emerging toddler learning to speak in my home.

5. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Drew Barrymore. I have lusted after her for years, probably way back to when she flashed her beautiful tits on David Letterman. I think among other things her free spirit and comfort in her own skin is sexy as hell.

Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
Considering I am feeling the pinch lately because our budget is not what it once was, now that Hubby is in school full time, the first thing that came to mind was psychic powers so I could predict the winning Power Ball numbers. Wouldn’t we all?!?

Musing No. 28 - Update: Weekend

2009-09-21T16:50:00.007-04:00

I am feeling refreshed and rejuvenated after my weekend away with Hubby. As anticipated it was in deed just what the Dr. ordered. We enjoyed some shopping (though admittedly most was window shopping - college is expensive!), delicious food and good music. We had a lovely time just laughing and being ourselves. Of course we also enjoyed some pretty hot fucking time as well (more sexy details to come in the next few days). I felt for at least the weekend I could breath and let the stress and concerns that have been plaguing my mind slip away.

Beyond a revitalizing time for myself, Hubby and our relationship this was also an eye opener for me. Like a neon sign it became apparent that in the recent months I have spent much too much of my time concerned with what others have needed and/or wanted rather than what makes me happy. There are a number of issues I need to tackle but the most pressing is learning to set boundaries with my family. I have been so concerned with what my family thought of me or the possibility of hurting their feelings that I neglected not only Hubby and his wants and desires but mine as well. Not good. So, I must practice saying NO a great deal more. Not an easy task, especially for me, but a necessary one.

Interestingly enough I have noticed that some of my fellow Bloggers have been experiencing some manner of discourse in their lives as well recently. Is there something about this time of year or something in the air?!? If so I hope a strong stiff wind will breeze through to blow away the proverbial cobwebs. Or, I will settle for a strong stiff cock! *wink*

Musing No. 27- Just What The Dr. Ordered

2009-09-18T15:01:00.005-04:00

Recently I wrote that I am feeling in a bit of a rut. My darling Hubby, attentive man that he is, took note of my frustrations of late. In his sweet attempt to rectify the situation surprised me this morning with a weekend getaway. So as soon as he is finished with classes this afternoon we are headed out on a little road trip.

This may be exactly what I needed. A weekend away with my sweetie sounds so decadent right now. No commitments. No family. Just us enjoying one another's company. Ahhhh....

We plan to eat some amazing BBQ, maybe enjoy some good Blues, and of course every woman's favorite past time; shopping. I am quite sure we will also dedicate significant time to exploring every naked inch of one another's body. I suspect I will be crossing a few items off of my Bucket List. .wink.

I hope everyone enjoys a fabulously sexy weekend. I know I will!

XOXO
Eva

Musing No. 26 - HNT

2009-09-17T02:06:00.006-04:00

On your knees and come to me.
I want you to show me how you please.
Take your hands and touch me there,
As you slowly remove my underwear.
Take your tongue and part my lips.
Use your hands to grab my hips.
Kiss and lick my pulsating flower,
The one your intent is to devour.
Take your time,
Don't go too fast,
I hate a man who cannot last.
Make me moan and make me scream.
Please don’t wake me from this dream.
My legs will quiver the closer I get,
Until finally I explode…
YES! THIS IS IT!!!

Musing No. 25 - Stifled and Caged

2009-09-15T15:18:00.005-04:00

I am feeling stifled…sexually, emotionally, spiritually. Either which way you say it I feel caged. I knew moving back to my small home town would be a challenge to say the least. However, its becoming to be a bigger problem for me than I initially anticipated. While I realize this is temporary, and I will eventually find my niche, the growing pains can be excruciating.

Beyond the fact that I feel closeted in a small town of closed minded conservatives I am also quite logistically close to my family (whom are also quite closed minded btw). Accompanied with their tendency to just ‘drop by’ it can cause issues. Such as was the case last week which, foiled my fun afternoon with hubby taking sexy HNT photos.

I am also missing my sexy fun friends. Unfortunately due to schedule conflicts I haven’t had much opportunity to get involved in the lifestyle here. Many of my previous fuck buddies have either moved away or no longer ‘playing’. At the risk of sounding conceited I might add that the players here are not exactly my cup of tea in both physicalities and style. If most of your photos are flashing your tits in your camo hunting gear it’s safe to say we aren’t compatible. I like soft, sensual, feminine women not husky, masculine beer guzzling broads. Or as hubby would refer to them as “mouth breathers” (you know the type.. Mouth agape, glazed over look and their raspy heavy breath can be heard from across the room) *sigh*

Also I must admit that I am somewhat jealous of Hubby. I do not mean a mean-spirited vindictive jealousy. Perhaps envious is more appropriate. Though I am immensely happy for Hubby and proud of his accomplishments I am envious of Hubby ‘s return to school. While I understand he is doing this not only for himself but for us and our family’s future let’s face it learning and growing as a person is fun. Perhaps it is because I am feeling stifled in other areas I feel that I am being left behind in some sense in regards to personal growth.

However temporary my current state of mind may be I hate being the ‘grumpy gus’. I miss the fun, sexy, flirtatious and free spirited girl that is Eva. Unfortunately I do not have a nice neat bow to wrap around this blog to sum up my current dilemma into something upbeat. In order to do that I need to get my ass in gear and make some changes so that I feel better about my life and the goings on within it.

I will get there…

Musing No. 24 - TMI Tuesday

2009-09-15T11:49:00.007-04:00

1. Have you ever shared sleeping accommodations with someone of the without anything steamy happening? (Opposite sex for breeders, same sex for homosexuals).
Beyond family & my baby girl I can’t think of anyone. If you’ve been in my bed…I’ve fucked you.

2. Have you ever streaked, flashed, or otherwise partially or totally exposed yourself in public before (or after) an informal, unofficial gathering of people?
YES! It’s pretty much the norm for a swinger party. Of course there is the annual camping trip which is basically a week-long naked orgy.

3. Have you had dates with multiple people in the same weekend (or consecutive nights or the same night) while not all of your dates were aware of your actions?
Hmmm…nope, not really. Well, I have met up with one lover and then another lover the following day but of course it’s assumed that I may have more than one lover. I don’t necessarily kiss and tell but I’m not secretive in a deceitful way either.

4. What is the most "romantic" you have ever gotten in a movie theater?
I’m not an exhibitionist in the vanilla world. The thought of getting caught by others who are not like minded is not a turn on for me. So…I gave one of my first boyfriends a very quick blowjob back in the day. Beyond that I’ll stick to discrete touching and petting. However…the thought of another woman going down on me is appealing. Perhaps that is something I should add to my Bucket List?

5. Have you ever had sex when you knew a non-participating adult was watching?
Yes! One evening I met with a couple at one of the popular swinger clubs. Though I loath it, I tend to be a bit shy and inhibited when in new surroundings. I’ve attempted to evolve past this initial shyness, but…

The club’s first floor is for dancing, drinks and mingling. The back rooms and second floor are designed for more intimate encounters. After a few drinks and flirtatious conversation we decided to make our way upstairs. The apparent orgy taking place was intoxicating. In the first room there was a petite woman riding a man in her pussy while another was behind fucking her ass. Very hot!

We stepped past the intertwined bodies and moved upstairs to a quiet corner room where two women were fucking on a sofa. We enjoyed the show for a few moments and then my girlfriend led me to an empty chair and proceeded to lift my skirt as I sat down. With her expert tongue on my clit my insecurities and inhibitions soon vanished and were replaced with soft moans.

On her knees she continued to lavish my pussy until I came so hard I began to writhe in the chair and scream in delight. My moans and screams peaked the curiosity of others within the club and soon this tiny little room, which only had room for a sofa and chair, was packed full of onlookers.

My girlfriend then directed her hubby to take my place in the chair. I spent the remainder of the evening impaled on his big beautiful cock. It wasn’t until we were finished and I was satiated that I realized the crowed I had drawn with my screams of ecstasy. However, in that moment of blissful orgasm-induced utopia I didn’t care. Though I did manage a blushed giggle.

Musing No. 23 - Sexual Bucket List

2009-09-14T23:05:00.000-04:00

Our 30 Day Fuck Challenge has inspired me - inspired me to push beyond my comfort zone and to try new things. The mental exploration of experimentation has evolved and morphed into a bucket list of sorts. A Sexual Bucket List; those dirty little thoughts and desires deep within the recesses of my psyche.

I anticipate in the upcoming days I will have formed, what is currently simple brainstorming, into a tangible list. Perhaps this will also provide renewed inspiration and material for my HNT as well. Isn’t the mind a deliciously dirty and wonderful thing?!?

Stay tuned…

Musing No. 22 - Thirty Days of FUCKING!

2009-09-14T01:00:00.005-04:00

Hubby and I have always had great chemistry sexually. Our sexual relationship has been very passionate from the moment we met - literally (hubby lavished my pussy the first night we met). It was somewhat of a struggle to keep our libido‘s in check so that we could also focus on evolving our emotional relationship.

However, sometimes the stuff of life can produce roadblocks. This has been the case more so than we would like in the last year. It is anticipated and expected when you have a baby a couple’s time for intimacy will be directly affected. When coupled with other stressors such as moving and hubby returning to school it can have a noticeable impact.

We are by far ahead of the curve. We enjoy a good fucking at least a few times a week. We have maintained our outside sexual relationships to some degree (these have of course been affected both by having an infant in the home and more recently by our move out of state). Most importantly we still have that passion, are in sync, and it still feels fucking amazing.

However, we realize it can be a slippery slope. Along with other aspects of your relationship, passion can easily fall by the way side. Hubby and I are aware that if we are not diligent we could easily slip into a rut.

Truthfully we simply are not where we would like to be within the sexual and intimate side of our relationship. We have allowed outside influences to sneak up on us. While our expectations are not unrealistic, the days of fucking 2 to 3 times a day will have to be put on hold until our daughter is older, we could use a jolt in the frequency department.

With that being said, we have determined to fuck at least once daily for the next 30 days. Also, just to add a twist and supercharge our fuck fest we are focusing on delving into new fantasies and experiences.

I know we are both UP for the challenge! *Wink*

Musing No. 21 - TMI Tuesday

2009-09-08T17:31:00.005-04:00

I hope everyone enjoyed their Holiday weekend! XOXO

1) If you were to only live until the age of 50, how would you live your life differently?

Truthfully I can't say that I would live my life any differently. Life experience has taught me life is very precious and should never be taken for granted. If anything it would only reaffirm my resolve in recent years to design my own life and live it to the fullest.

2) Are you settling in your job/career?

Yes, I am. My employer allows me the luxury of working from home. While the position itself is not challenging it is well worth the sacrifice to be able to spend every day with my daughter.

3) Are you settling with your significant other?

No. My husband is not perfect, no one person is, and of course we have our share of challenges. However, I am blessed to have found a person who shares a mutual respect and adoration and allows one another to be themselves without judgement. I count myself lucky!

4) How important is your family?

My family is my rock and I value them beyond words.

5) If you caught a neighbor peeping in at you while you were naked or having sex, would you close the blinds? (assuming you live in a city and can see into other buildings).

Stop a perfectly good fuck fest?!? Uh....no! All I have to say is, "Enjoy the show!"

Musing No. 20 - HNT

2009-09-02T22:56:00.007-04:00

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

~Maya Angelou

Musing No. 19 - Observations in Sluttery

2009-08-31T20:24:00.003-04:00

With hubby’s return to school I have frequented the University campus a fair amount in the last few weeks. I have always been a bit voyeuristic and it has been interesting to say the least to observe the individuals whom are entering the world of academia. While hubby has been somewhat nervous at the prospect of fitting in with students 14 years or more his junior I have come to be thankful that I am past my twenties.

I am surprised by the naivety and insecurity of young women in their late teens to early twenties. Yesterday, Hubby and I enjoyed a quiet lunch at a local coffee house. I couldn’t help but eaves drop a neighbouring conversation, in part due to the young woman’s excessively booming voice. She spent the better part of a hour discussing her most recent love interest. Her thoughts were dictated by apparent insecurity and near desperate attempts to gain the young man’s attention and devoted affection. I snuck a glance back at the young ladies, whose conversation had captured my attention, and was in complete dismay. They were both very attractive, fit and well put together. Not to mention their lovely cleavage and hot young ass (not allowing my mind to wonder much further as they are practically jail bait). These young hotties could have easily had a plethora of young men vying for a chance to date them.

I have witnessed several examples of the same sort of situation over the last few weeks. Sexy young women so unsure of themselves; seemingly oblivious to the young men who are tripping over themselves hoping to gain their attention. It disturbs me to hear of the new trend among tween and teen girls giving their boyfriends blowjobs so they will like them. While I do not advocate young girls having sex before they are emotionally matured I find it appalling that they are chasing after these boys, attempting to buy their affection with sexual favors, but are not asking the boys to reciprocate. What these young women fail to realize is the exquisite power they possess, within 5 little letters, which gives them the upper hand in most situations.

P U S S Y

As a woman in my 30’s I am thankful to be at place in my life that I understand my worth and value. I can’t help but wonder had I not been involved in the swinging community would I have the same sense of security in my own sexuality and desirability. The ‘lifestyle’ community is most certainly female driven. Women are in control of what happens with whom, when and where and are treated with adoration and appreciation. This is a stark contrast to the ‘vanilla’ world where we as women are taught in many ways to doubt ourselves. Even in publications such as “Cosmopolitan”, which markets itself to young women as a more sexually open minded source, tell us to focus on our man’s needs, wants and desires above our own. “How To Turn Him On” “How To Attract Men” “What Makes Men Fall In Love”

I realize this is a far too in-depth topic matter to discuss within this format. However, simply put, the sad truth is our puritanical society teaches women at a young age to be demure and pious rather than empowered to take the reign of their own sexuality. While as a whole I do believe we live in a very male dominated society I do not believe men are solely to blame for women’s sexual insecurities. In many ways this is an epidemic of our own creation. In actuality I suspect most men would relish in a woman who is secure in who she is and what she wants.

So with that being said I will embrace my inner S L U T and hope that by doing so will help the younger generations reach sexual enlightenment, sooner rather than later.

Musing No. 18 - HNT "Pink Pussycat"

2009-08-27T18:06:00.007-04:00

Pink Pussycat

I'm gonna stand yer fur on end

Pink Pussycat

Sleep inside you

Pink Pussycat

Lick you clean

~Devo

Musing No. 17 - TMI Tuesday

2009-08-25T11:50:00.002-04:00

1. Do you have "your" side of the bed? Which side?
I don’t really have a preference. However, hubby prefers the left side of the bed so I take the right. On the rare occasions I am in bed alone I sleep in the middle. Or, as hubby says, I spread out like a warm breakfast. lol

2. How old is your pillow and what condition is it in?
Hmmm…I think they are maybe 6 months old. Big, fluffy down pillows. I like lots of pillows. My bed is like a big fluffy marshmallow.

3. What is your favourite position to sleep in?
I go back and forth from lying on my back to my side. I never sleep on my stomach but oddly enough during my pregnancy I could think of nothing else…just because I couldn’t.

4. How often do you change your sheets?
Once a week - Sunday’s usually. I want my bedroom to feel like an oasis. We sprinkle baby powder on the bed and use yummy smelling fabric softeners (I love Vanilla). I love the feel and smell of freshly washed sheets. I just melt into the bed…

5. What helps you fall asleep when insomnia strikes?
I have a difficult time turning off my brain…thoughts of the day replay themselves incessantly. I also suffer from migraines which often interferes with sleep. Usually I turn on the T.V. until I am able to drift off to sleep. However, the very best cure for insomnia is a great orgasm!

6. Does sex make you sleepy or energized?
Sleepy! I love that Zen feeling after a great orgasm. All is right with the world, my body feels amazing and my mind is quiet.

7. What is the minimum amount of sleep that you need to be functional the next day.
I need at least 6 hours to not feel like a zombie in the morning.

Bonus (as in optional):Describe your most vivid dream.
Honestly I don’t dream much. I am envious of those who have steamy hot sex dreams. I have had a recurring dream since I was a kid that is not so enjoyable.

When I was a young girl I recall dreaming of a bright figure standing before my bed. I watched as the hallowed light turned into a dark black shadows. I could not move. I could not speak. I could not scream. It was agonizing. Over the years the dream was the same but as time progressed the figure came closer and closer to me. Finally now, when I have the dream, the figure is hovering over my face. I can not make out a face but I can feel a hot sticky breath on my skin. As always I am paralyzed. I can’t make a sound. I have found that if I can manage to move any part of my body it is as if this being looses it’s grasp over me. Hubby has witnessed this. My body is contorted. I am wiggling my toes trying to tap his feet so that I can wake up. It is very eerie!

A few years back we went on a ghost tour in Savannah. Among the tales of Voo Doo there was also a story of what is known as a “Boo Hag” or “Riding the Hag“. Hubby began nudging me nervously, whispering, “That’s what happens to you.”. The guide described the experience of being held immobile, a heavy weight on your chest as the hag steals your breath and life energy. As the legend goes the hag has no skin. It steals their victims skin; wearing it like clothing. Very spooky!

Don’t let de hag ride ya!

Musing No. 16 - Unicorn

2009-08-25T00:55:00.004-04:00

I have yet again begun to search for, in what many circles is known as, the Unicorn; the ever so illusive single female. If you are familiar with my blog it is not a secret that I enjoy women. There is nothing like the feel of a another woman’s soft supple skin pressed against mine. Nothing compares. If I could custom order the perfect female playmate she would be feminine, thick with full breasts, have a vivacious attitude and strong will. Not only a lover but a close friend as well. I also imagine a triad of sorts. A woman secure and mature enough to enjoy a physical and intimate relationship with myself and hubby; both jointly and separately. If I allow my imagine to wonder I envision the typical ‘vanilla’ girl’s day out, shopping or some other girls-only occasion, which, turns into an evening of sexy, dirty, girl-on-girl fun. Or the three of us hot and sweaty…bodies intertwined. Or she and hubby steeling away for some sweaty fun of their own. The possibilities are endless. I understand that mine is a tall order and one which will likely never reach fruition. But…a girl can dream can’t she?

Musing No. 15 - Simple Pleasures

2009-08-22T01:48:00.002-04:00

Due to the chaos of moving, attempting to unpack, finishing up last minute details before Hubby returns to school next week and getting my computer network set up so I can get back to work (I work from home) my blog has sadly gone to the way side this week, as well as other pleasurable endeavours. After a lot of work and organizing its nice to finally feel like we are settling into some sense of normalcy and not tripping over boxes at every turn.

Living in a small college town again has been, and is, a bit of an adjustment. There is certainly a slower pace here. There are the down sides. Nordstrom, The Cheesecake Factory or stocking up on my fav skin care line, Kiehls, is about a 3 hour drive. However, on the plus side the night time sky is simply breath taking and our home in the country is certainly tranquil to say the least.

Being back home has brought back the realization that there are simple pleasures that one has a harder time accessing in a more Metropolitan area. We live a short distance from sizeable lake. On a hot summer day there is nothing better than a long luxurious soak in the cooling water. There is one cove, that was a favorite, that I frequented often in my not so distant past. It was peaceful and secluded. The perfect combination for skinny dipping.

One summer I recall spending most afternoons lounging in the water, feeling the warm sun on my body and the cool water gently caressing my exposed breasts. There is something so freeing about being nude and uninhibited. I enjoyed many orgasms in those waters. Exploring my hard nipples, massaging my throbbing clit, all with the excitement and anticipation of the possibility of a boater coming by and catching me, as I ENJOYED the great outdoors…..

I believe Hubby and I may need to take a trip to the lake this weekend and enjoy some simple pleasures. *wink* It will be a great opportunity for excellent HNT material for next week.

I hope everyone has a fabulous and pleasurable weekend!!!!!

Musing No. 14 - TMI Tuesday (200th Anniversery Edition)

2009-08-18T13:35:00.000-04:00

1. What is the longest you have been in a monogamous sexual relationship? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that your significant other does (did) not know about.] 8 years with my first husband.

2. If your current relationship would fail, do you have a back-up for physical or emotional comfort? Well, as I certainly hope that hubby and I never find our relationship in such disrepair, I have never considered a back up plan. I imagine that I would continue to enjoy sexual freedoms and friendly companionships. Not to sound arrogant but single females are quite the commodity within the swinging community so I am quite sure I would not be lacking in opportunities.

3. Can you be "just friends" with someone when there is an unrequited sexual attraction? Hmmm…this is a tough one. I can see, if unrequited, it can become an issue. But as mature adults I think it is certainly possible to overcome any awkwardness that would cause issues within the friendship.

4. In a assumed monogamous sexual relationship have you ever cheated, been cheated upon or been a knowing third party to the infidelity? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that a significant other does (did) not know about.] I have never cheated. I have however been cheated upon numerous times in past relationships (one of which was a supposed “open” relationship - I will never understand ‘cheating’ despite being given free reign). I have been approached by both men and women seeking to cheat on their partner and I have always chosen to decline. While I understand you can not control other’s actions, and I am quite sure they went on to cheat with someone else, I do have control over my choices. I could never bring myself to do it. I have been on the receiving end more times than I care to mention and I couldn’t stomach being party to putting another person in that position. Besides, there are plenty of other sexy people out there who are free to play without any guilt attached.

5. Historically, what has caused the most arguments in your relationships? Honestly it is generally less about the situation at hand and more so about our sensitive feelings. Hubby is the quintessential metro sexual. I always say I have the best of both worlds because while he is a big broad shouldered football player type (he played in college) he is also in touch with his feminine side. Unfortunately, like me, he can become sensitive to my tone or wording during a discussion. I think many women (myself included) wish for a man who was in touch with their emotions but forget the negatives that can come along with it.

Bonus (as in optional):What do you want from a partner in a long term relationship? Trust and honesty are the biggest on my list of must haves. Without both your relationship, in my opinion, is doomed to fail. Also top on my list is compassion, support and a good sense of humour. We all deserve to be with someone who is going to be our biggest cheerleader. Sexual compatibility is vital as well.

Musing No. 13 – Reminiscing

2009-08-15T23:55:00.004-04:00

It has been a long week... We have slowly made the trek back to my hometown with little stops along the way to visit family. Thankfully we are taking the weekend off to enjoy ourselves before beginning the tedious process of unpacking and setting up house.

It was surreal to see my old things at my parent’s house. It was interesting to notice the clues as to what would be my future self. While a lot of my tastes have changed significantly, the phase of wearing large cross necklaces during my Madonna period has long since past, the essence of ‘me’ is certainly present. There are several books and movies that inspired me back in the day. Lolita, The Lover, nude prints and my first porn film. I found my first tape on guided meditation and some of my favorite fine art prints (most of which were nude or semi-nude by the way). There are numerous movies that I watched nearly religiously with strong empowering women who were secure in their sexuality and in their own skin (one of which has a butterfly tattoo – though I didn’t consciously connect the correlation when I got my butterfly tat at 19).

I noticed in my mama’s office she still has a series of instructional books on photography. One book was dedicated to taking portraits and nude photography. I recall sneaking the book into my room or the bathroom many times; flipping through the pages, looking at the different bodies in an equal mixture of curiosity and admiration. I recall how beautifully I regarded the female form. It is ironic that even in those early stages of development I was very drawn to women physically.

Reminiscing over my old things also drew up other interesting memories that now seem to make perfect sense. For instance, I was completely fascinated with one of my teachers in particular. She was feisty and very independent; my first feminist influence. She also happened to be sexy as hell though I did not realize at the time that it was sexual attraction that had captured my attention. In a world of very thin flat chested girls to experience a curvaceous confident woman secure with her own body was intoxicating. I recall catching little glimpses of her black thigh highs under her skirt when she would hop onto her desk during a lesson. It’s ironic that at the time what I thought was simply interest in clothes was actually my attraction to women emerging.

Musing No. 12 - HNT! Tattoos

2009-08-13T00:37:00.008-04:00

This week’s HNT is more PG13 than the norm due to the fact that we are visiting hubby’s family as we make our way to our new home. I expect next week’s edition of HNT will be much more scantily clad as we get back into the swing of things.

I have two tattoos. The butterfly on my breast is sexy, flirtatious and carefree. I got it when I was only 19 years old and it reflects my youth and in a sense my innocence.

The tat on my back is symbolic as well but its meaning is much more intense. It is the Japanese symbol for courage. I chose to get the tat while away on my honeymoon. The timing was very symbolic for me because, after a long and difficult journey, I finally felt I was at a place of peace in my life.

My first husband took his own life. I never imagined I would be burying my spouse in my 20’s. I don’t think he imagined the turmoil and pain he would leave in his wake. I don’t think either of us imagined, after battling mental illness for many years, that many of our friends and family would blame me.

Loosing someone close to you is never easy. Loosing someone in a traumatic way is never easy. Loosing someone by his or her own will is even more so difficult. To be blamed for it is nearly unbearable.

But as the song says, The beat goes on...

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

Sooooo, after a long and difficult journey I found myself miraculously loving life again. It was then that I determined there would be no better time, as I celebrated my new journey in life, to acknowledge in a very tangible way the courage it took to get there.

Happy HNT!!!!

Musing No. 11 - TMI Tuesday

2009-08-12T00:12:00.003-04:00

It was hot...my body pushed to the brink…the tension in my thighs…a bead of sweat trickling down my back….

…moving is a bitch! *wink* Hubby and I are embarking on our move back to my hometown where hubby will attend school. It is an adventure to say the least! Onto TMI Tuesday…I’m a bit late.

1. How do you differentiate between love and lust?

Lust is purely sexual and physical. Love involves every fiber of your being.

2. You are happily married, engaged, or committed in a relationship, yet you have a hot sexy dream about someone you have always wanted to do it with. Have you cheated at least in your mind?

We are all sexual beings. Finding someone sexually appealing is human nature. Fantasizing is healthy. I have fantasized about many many many people and occasionally I am able to act them out. *wink*

3. Do you trust your significant other?

Absolutely! I trust him more than anyone else in my life.

4. How important is your Husband or Wife wearing their Wedding bands? Is it important to you and why?

As a tangible symbol of your love and commitment to one another, I feel the wedding band is very important. Hubby and I rarely remove ours. I personally think hubby is sexy as hell with his ring on!

5. Do you feel that flirting is OK if you are taken?

Oh, of course! Flirting can be great fun and is completely harmless. My hubby is the consummate flirt, being the good southern boy that he is. lol

Bonus (as in optional):If you were 100% guaranteed not to get caught having a one-night stand with someone else, would you?

Well, considering hubby and I enjoy outside sexual endeavors getting “caught” wouldn’t so much apply. Regardless I am not a huge fan of one night stands primarily due to the fact that much of what turns me on has to do with personality and intellect. Also, I think sex can be so much more rewarding when you are with someone who has at least a general idea of how to push your sexual buttons.

Musing No. 10 - My two cents.

2009-08-07T08:18:00.003-04:00

This is a bit of a rant or tangent, as it were. Let me preface this to say; I have been involved with and experimented within varying types of open relationships since I was 18 years old. Though I was raised in a more conservative family environment I began to realize at a young age that I was a very sexual being and a bit more liberal, if you will, in my views towards relationships. I recall even back to my early years, watching the film Aphrodite (the 1982 French film directed by Robert Fuest), I became aware of my desire for sexual expression in my life. This was the first taste I had of the possibilities of sexual enjoyment between women or multiple lovers. While it was nothing more than soft-core erotica I was forever enticed with the thought of free sexual expression. Suffice it to say I feel pretty confident that I have a well-rounded view of the realities of this particular ‘alternative’ lifestyle.

It baffles me how often mainstream media brings forth supposed 'experts’ on the subject of open relationships whom obviously have drawn conclusions based upon biased information. I tire of the phrase, so often spoken by counselors, “I’ve never seen an open marriage work.” Of course you haven’t! I have yet to hear of a couple, monogamous or otherwise, visiting a therapist’s office because things were just so darn good! Therapists and counselors see only a very limited view of our lifestyle. I would be willing to wager that most, if not all, of the couples counseled had significant issues within the relationship long before swinging or opening the relationship was even considered.

I have witnessed first hand both the good and the bad of open relationships. I have seen couples try to salvage an already sinking ship. Sadly they flounder because they used swinging as a band-aid rather than fixing the core issues. However, I have seen a much greater percentage of happy and healthy couples successfully navigating an open relationship with trust, communication and honesty.

The truth is there are millions of alterative relationships within our country that are thriving. They are your neighbors, your accountant, your child’s teacher, and the teller at the bank. The estimate varies between 3 to 8 million Americans are involved in some manner of an open relationship. Unfortunately due to the negative stigma attached and legitimate risks involved with being open about our lifestyle most choose instead to be guarded and private. As a result the outside world only hears of the failures rather than the many many successes.

I would hope that intelligent and educated individuals, such as therapists and counselors, who choose to speak out against our life choices would come to realize that unfortunately until our society becomes more accepting it is impossible to make assessments to the success or failure of open relationships due simply to their lack of information.

But…I digress….

Musing No. 9 - Happy HNT

2009-08-05T23:49:00.006-04:00

Last week I expressed my love of ass play. As much as I enjoy the delicious sensations of anal play I am even more so aroused by breast and nipple play. I must admit, I love my breasts! I love the intense rush of pleasure as my nipples become firm and erect…like sparks of electricity racing to my pulsating clit. Cold ice tracing the outline of my areola...teasing me...touching the tip of my nipple with its icy caress... The intoxicating grasp of a clamp firmly pinching my nipples; a delicate balance of pain and pleasure. Of course there is always the simple yet ever powerful sensation of a warm mouth and soft exploring tongue caressing the porcelain skin of my full breasts and throbbing pink nipples to bring me to the brink of ecstasy, Mmmm….the possibilities are endless.

Musing No. 8 - Old Friends

2009-08-05T09:11:00.004-04:00

With our move to my hometown just over the horizon I have touched base with a few of my friends about getting together when we get into town. One of which is my girlfriend Brooke. Brooke and I have always stayed in touch over the years. We are close to the same age and have a great deal in common, for example, our baby girls were born just months apart and share the same name (this wasn’t planned – we changed our baby name last minute and she fell in love with the name and asked if I minded if she use it). Brooke also just happens to be one of the first women I have fucked.

While she is still sexy as hell, with her gorgeously full breasts and nipples the size of gumdrops (I am a boob girl!), life has changed a great deal. We’ve both had babies. I have married. She is in the process of a divorce. We haven’t discussed anything overtly sexual in a long time.

We have planned to get together for lunch and I can’t help but wonder…will there still be a sexual chemistry?!? I have begun to think back to more passionate times…to her perfectly pink pussy…to taking her erect nipples into my mouth…gently biting… Hmmmmm…stay tuned!

Musing No. 7 - What’s in a name??? (and TMI Tuesday)

2009-08-04T01:19:00.011-04:00

I have never been a huge fan of labels. For instance, in the early stages of my sexual exploration I despised the term “bisexual”. While there was no question that I was attracted to women as well as men I was more comfortable with the term “bi-curious”. It still gives me a good chuckle to think that I so naively believed by adding the word “curious” would some how shelter me from judgment from the outside world. This was of course before it became chic to be Bi.

Recently I have begun to give some thought to labels yet again. I typically would identify myself as a “swinger”. However, I again find myself rebelling against labeling myself in such a broad strokes fashion. My life is multifaceted and a singular term will never encompass its true essence.

For some time now I have had an increased curiosity of polygamous and polyamorous relationships. While I find these styles of relationships intriguing and appealing on many levels I have always come to the conclusion that it would not be for me. I suppose this is because I have the propensity to be a bit of a bitch at times. The notion of actually finding two or three people whom I was compatible enough with to not want to strangle on a daily basis seems insurmountable.

However, an article I came across recently, on the World of Polyamory Association website, caused me to question and rethink how I identify myself in the realm of “alternative” lifestyles. You can read the article here.

“Polyamory’s about accepting diversity, even variety, in how you make love. You don’t always have to seek live-in, long-term, forever relationships to be polyamorous. If you chose a relationship that fulfills a need or desire and may not last forever, that doesn’t make you a swinger, either. You're a poly if you seek relationship, even in the swing scene.”

Personally I have never been partial to one night stands. I prefer to know those that I am sexually involved with on a more intimate level. From the beginning hubby and I have sought out playmates, whether they be couples, single females or males, whom we connected with in non-sexual ways. We also prefer longer term partners. Quality vs. quantity. However while we may flirt and share a close intimate bond with our lovers we have yet to enter into the realm of romantic emotional intimacies. Or more easily said I love my outside lovers much like I love my best friend but I am not “in love” with them. For this reason I have always ruled myself out as being polyamorous.

So…this begs to question…am I a poly swinger? Hmmmm….

...and onto TMI Tuesday

1. Family is those that are there for you no matter what regardless of blood.

2. Friends are Hmmm…want to change this one to say TRUE friends are…a precious few.

3. Exes are good ummm…can’t really answer that one. My only real ‘ex’ passed away…so…”Exes are…at peace” (hopefully).

4. Strangers …I’m a southern girl…I’ve never met a stranger!

5. Relationships are remarkable when you really 'get' each other, the way no one else can.

Musing No. 6 - Change

2009-08-03T01:45:00.002-04:00

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in life is to embrace change. My life is soon to undergo a pretty significant change. Hubby is returning to school which means we are moving…back to my hometown.

This move brings forth a cornucopia of emotions. Living in a small college town is not exactly my ideal. I am more of a big city kinda gal.However, the advantages continuing education will bring are well worth the sacrifice.

Surprisingly the lifestyle is much more widely accepted there in comparison to what we have experienced more recently here. Now, mind you I don’t mean it’s openly accepted and embraced. We are talking about the Bible belt. However, it is quite an interesting paradox to see a high profile public figure getting their freak on with a dominatrix on Saturday and then perhaps at a charity event on Monday.It is refreshing to be surrounded by others like myself who choose not to compartmentalize their lives. They may enjoy a more alternative lifestyle but do not feel the need to turn away if you bump into to one another at the market. Discretion is simply understood.

Hubby and I have been on somewhat of a hiatus from our “lifestyle” for a while now mostly due to the logistics of having a small child. We are both looking forward to getting back into the swing of things, so to speak. Hmmm….I think this may call for a trip to Fredericks. Need to update my slut wear. *wink*

Musing No. 5 - You might be a swinger if...

2009-07-31T01:07:00.004-04:00

…your coworkers are convinced you have no social life because you always change the subject when they ask about your weekend.

…when your coworkers talk about their sex lives, it takes a real effort not to yawn.

…your guy friends invite you to a strip club and you ask if it would be ok to bring your wife.

…you’ve got a bunch of pictures of the two of you in a hotel room wearing brightly colored wristbands.

…your kids see your online Christmas card list and want to know who are “two4fun”, “allwaysready”, and “carresusboth”.

…your girlfriend wonders why you have both birth control pills and condoms in your purse.

…your Saturday night babysitter wonders why mommy already had her coat on when she comes out of the bedroom.

…your boss wonders why you’re going to Orlando or Las Vegas “in the middle of summer for God’s sake!”

…you both wonder if the sexy lady who just walked past you would like to mess around.

…you make plans to meet a “straight” couple at a nice restaurant, and realize you have absolutely nothing you can wear.

…the drugstore clerk wonders what you’re going to do with four bottles of Scope, three-dozen condoms, and five bottles of Astroglide.

And the best way to tell that you might be a swinger is…

…your neighbors wonder why they aren’t invited to any of your parties. And why most of your guests arrive carrying pillows, towels, and overnight bags!

Hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend!!!! ~Kisses & Licks

Musing No. 4 - Happy HNT "Half-Nekkid Thursday"

2009-07-29T22:56:00.013-04:00

I love my ass. Correction. I love my ass being played with. Regrettably I was not blessed with the round luscious buttocks that I often lust after. Nonetheless I enjoy my ass and the many pleasures to be found in anal play. The backdoor can be much like a fine wine. It can be an acquired taste and either you love it or you hate it. I l-o-v-e it!

Last week, during our pleasure retreat, hubby and I made the rounds to our favorite sex shops. I am somewhat of a regular and I love adding a few gadgets to our love making from time to time. I love trying new toys and accessories but this time my search was focused. I especially enjoy the feel of a plug, fit snuggly in my tight pink ass, while I ride a thick hard cock. There is no better feeling and is sure to send me over the edge in moments. Mmmm…

Musing No. 3 - Introduction Part Deux

2009-07-28T15:56:00.010-04:00

I am beautiful.

I am luscious and curvaceous.

I am rebellious, I think for myself.

I am rich with passion & love.

I am a sexual goddess.

I am a mama & a wife.

I am in control of my destiny.

I am a free spirit, a butterfly.

I sparkle and shine.

My life is DIVINE!

This is just a taste of who I am… I am 30 years old, very happily married with a gorgeous baby girl. We are your average American family; we are contributing members of society, we pay our taxes, we recycle and we go to church on Sundays. I am the girl next door. I just happen to have an above average interest in sex and kink; I am bi-sexual, I love women, my hubby and I enjoy our version of an open marriage, I enjoy my sexual gadgets and am a firm believer that everyone could use a good spanking from time to time.

Photo Credits: Statue by French sculpture Raoul Josset. Though it may not have been Josset’s intention the sculpture has become a symbol for feminism and can be found in front of The Women’s Museum in Dallas Texas. “The Woman’s Museum is an affiliate of the Smithsonian. The museum uses the latest technology and interactive media in it’s exhibits and programs to enlighten visitors as to the role of women in shaping America’s history.” It is a must see!

Musing No. 2 – TMI Tuesday / Non-sexual addition

2009-07-28T08:26:00.003-04:00

I love the concept of TMI Tuesday! It’s reminiscent of being in high school again and doing those quizzes that begin with listing the time.

1. The three words that best describe you are passionate, determined, and independent.

2. The three words that best describe your life are fulfilled, adventurous, and optimistic.

3. Your three guilty pleasures are coffee, sexy women, and wine. (Can anything pleasurable really be ‘guilty’?)

4. The three places you would like to visit before you die are Paris, Venice, and London.

5. The three things you would like to do before you die are learn to speak French, fuck outside in the rain, and get published.

Bonus (as in optional):If you were making Chris Milk's video "Last Day Dream" (below) what three to five flashes would be your life so far?

Hmmm…this one was a bit more difficult…just because it would be intense…

Fucking a woman the first time, my 1^st hubby’s death, my wedding day, the birth of my daughter…

However, I am only 30 years old...there is still plenty of life left to live. I hope to have some amazing flashes come my way!

Musing No. 1 - Introduction of sorts...

2009-07-27T17:49:00.008-04:00

Recently, during some much-needed spring-cleaning, I came across an old set of Tarot cards I had purchased in my early twenties. I decided to give ‘em a whirl. Hubby and I have had some hefty decisions to make of late and it couldn’t hurt to see what the Cosmos have in mind for us.

I shuffled the cards and followed the layout instructions. The final card drawn provides insight as to what your next course of action should be. Hmmm…

III The Empress

Express your ideas and take calculated risks. Getting what you want is your responsibility. Your passions are of primary importance to you now.

Ah, the God’s have spoken! My passions and pleasure are of top priority! I fully intend to take their advice and thoroughly enjoy myself!!!

In fact Hubby and I set aside some time last week to do just that. We enjoyed several hedonistic days to ourselves. I began our pleasure break with a much-needed trip to the salon. Nothing makes a girl feel more sexy or luscious than a color, cut and blowout. Followed by a decadent spa day with massage, mani & pedi; I never felt better!

Of course it wouldn’t be a truly hedonistic retreat if we did not dedicate some serious time to fucking. We added a few new goodies to our repertoire after visiting a few of the local sex shops. After many hours locked away in the bedroom we emerged sweaty, tired and satiated. Mmmm…