Musing No. 77 - Lifestyle Frustrations

This blog has become in many ways my outlet, my therapy, a way to explore my desires and emotions. It is also my attempt, small as it is, to shed a bit of light on a lifestyle that often times goes misinterpreted and misunderstood. But, as with all aspects of life, there are the negative experiences as well. To be fair I feel I should shed light on those aspects as well rather than only focusing on the good. Make sense?

I wrote recently about a woman, Samantha, who was making me a bit uneasy. Hubby is totally digging this woman because, well, she is sexy as hell! She has an amazing body, very sexual and uber confident. A sure combination to get Hubby’s motor going! On paper that should appeal to me as well.

There have only been a very limited number of times that I have felt the need to veto a lover. I don’t like to do it. Hubby and I typically have similar tastes but on the few occasions he is into someone I am not, I tend to see it as an opportunity to try something new. Though I have an open mind on some things I can be somewhat stuck in my ways on others. I appreciate Hubby‘s and my differences as a chance to get out of my head a bit. Generally I learn something new about myself in the process and once or twice Hubby has learned to recognize women whom may not have the best of intentions in regards to respecting our relationship.

I am not quite to the point of saying NEXT but, I am feeling increasingly uneasy.

Hubby and I do not currently play separately. We have recently considered opening our marriage further. This is an option that is very much still on the table, but one which, as of yet we haven’t acted on. With that in mind when playing as a couple the goal is for the experience to be mutually beneficial to all participants. Keep in mind that Samantha and her Hubby are NOT open to playing alone. If this were the case none of this would matter much.

This particular scenario is quickly becoming very one sided.

Let me back up a step. From the beginning I wasn’t so keen on this particular couple. There is not much I can say about the male portion, because, well, he never talks to me. This is another issue in of itself which I will discuss briefly. Samantha’s style of sexuality is somewhat of a turn off for me. I looooooove sexually assertive women. I loooooove women who can say what they want and how they want it. I looooooove women who love themselves. However, Samantha’s choice of vernacular is off-putting.

Phrases such as:

“Are you going to ‘jerky-jerk’ today?”
and
“Are you pervin’ me?”
and
“I need to go brush my HOGS!”

These are some of the goofier statements she has made. There are others that aren’t as colorful but very brash and brazen. While it may seem silly, and I admit it does, those types of phrases are just not appealing to me. I’m a “Lady in public - Whore in the bedroom” kinda girl. That’s what I like.

It is also not very appealing that she emails, texts and messages and the next day has no recollection because she was drunk.

As I mentioned I’ve had very little to say to her Hubby. We were told he’s not very outgoing and does better in person. Because our schedules were clashing and we were out of town we weren’t able to get together as soon as would have been preferred. So, that is something we can work with when meeting. Some people just don’t do the online thing.

However, one drunken night in particular she basically went into a rant about how we had to include her Hubby more. She said, rightfully so, that he needed to feel included. Fine and dandy. However, it wasn’t until this lecture that she gave us his telephone number to call or text, nor did we have his messenger ID. So, our only way of communication was with her. However, I assumed that perhaps he got onto her for not including him (she does seem to control the show) and so of course that rolled down hill. Point taken. We’ll make an effort to include him - now that we’re able.

I spent the next day attempting to get to know him. I did the pleasantries to get to know him on a non-sexual level. I also attempted to flirt with him. I sent sexy photos. I sent texts heavily peppered with sexual innuendo. His responses were very blasé and it seemed as if he wasn’t on board and was only going along for the ride due to his ‘life of the party’ wife’s insistence. Not good!

Just a side note for all you guys out there (well, this applies to women as well). In the world of women, if a woman sends you a naked photo of herself (think full breasts or ass shot) and assuming you want to get into her pants, it’s appropriate to say something flattering back. “That’s a huge tit.” is not typically considered a form of flattery - at least not in my love language. Neither is zero acknowledgement at all. But I digress.

Another major issue is that Samantha seems to need to be the center of attention at all times and is basically using my Hubby has her boy toy to boost her ego. A majority of our conversations, limited as they are, have been centered around how amazing she is and how impressed I should be with her. Our conversations also tend to be a pissing contest of sorts. “Anything you can do, I can do better!” Not fun. And sadly I must admit that at a point I get frustrated and join in the pissing.

In contrast, her conversations with Hubby are much different. They are very sexual in nature (despite her claims to be bisexual she shows zero interest in me). Initially they were very flattering to Hubby. He ate it up. I mean what man doesn’t want his ego stroked?! But they are progressively becoming less about flirting with Hubby as they are becoming demanding and possessive of him. It’s also not appealing that when messaging us on our joint yahoo account if she discovers it’s me she makes an excuse to quickly exit whereas if she is talking to Hubby, out comes the dirty talk.

Hubby is beginning to notice and isn’t appreciating it. Recently at his own insistence he decided to address the concerns with Samantha. He expressed his concern at her Hubby’s lack of interest. There is nothing worse than swinging with a couple where one of the partners is being forced to participate! He expressed his concern that things seemed to be too heavily one sided. Samantha’s response was less than appealing. Though she did pay lip service to our concerns much of the conversation was an array of excuses.

So, at this juncture we’re not making any solid plans to meet them. We’ve expressed our concerns. We’ll see if things change. Considering my attempts to connect with her Hubby again yesterday went ignored, she has said no more than a few words to me, yet continues to send sexually charged texts, IM’s and photos to Hubby I am not optimistic.

So, for now I’m letting this whole scenario run it’s course until one of two things happen. Either by some miracle Samantha will get it through her head Hubby is a package deal - two for the price of one - and we‘ll look back on all of this and laugh. Or, Hubby will have his fill and nix the whole thing. I’m anticipating the latter will be more likely. Sometimes it behoves a woman to let her man come to his own conclusions, even if you can see the train wreck a mile down the track.