Thursday, January 28, 2010

Musing No. 81 - HNT. Curves

"Cultivate your curves
- they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided."
~Mae West


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Musing No. 80 - Awkward.

My Saturday night did not turn out exactly as I would have liked. I was going to write about it yesterday but instead decided to take some time to reflect and hopefully calm down because honestly I was quite angry at the whole situation.

I have the nasty habit of being passive aggressive within my relationships (who me?). This is something I work very hard at keeping in check but unfortunately I am human and thus fallible. I wrote recently about a woman, Samantha, who is part of a couple that I was feeling uncomfortable with. I agreed to give them a chance, for Hubby’s sake, and get together with the hopes that perhaps we were reading them wrong. While a portion of my thought process was to give them a fair shot I admit a majority of my motivation had significant passive aggressive undertones. I hoped, that if I was right and they were trouble, that by giving Hubby the freedom to explore that interest he would see them (or her) for the cads they really are and loose all interest, thereby making me feel vindicated. Not smart and not emotionally mature behavior!

I could have (and looking back should have) pulled the plug at any given time. When I attempted to flirt with her for the millionth time via text, a few hours before we were set to meet, and was again met with “I’m so wonderful, you’re lucking I’m talking to you” sort of blasé response I should have nixed the whole thing.

But, I didn’t.

In my defence I did go into the evening with the intention of having a good time. I had given Samantha and the whole situation way too much head space. So, what does any girl do if she wants to feel sexy and amazing?!? Get a new outfit of course!!! I bought a new black bustier (which will be making an appearance for HNT btw) which made my breasts look amazing. I spent the afternoon being pampered with a mani and pedi. I wore the perfect outfit to accentuate my assets; my new bustier, a short black skirt, a black sweater with the buttons undone enough to peak at what was underneath and my favorite ‘come fuck me’ boots. I looked and felt amazing!

We met at the local Outback for dinner. I was impressed that her Hubby was much more outgoing than I had expected. He was very shy from the onset and I was afraid that would be the case in person. Though he was significantly more outgoing in person he was not flirtatious in any way. I questioned numerous times throughout the evening if he was even the slightest bit attracted to me. And that would be perfectly ok if he wasn't. Not everyone is attracted.

She on the other hand was quite into Hubby and showed it. This made the entire evening feel very one sided and awkward. Poor Hubby didn’t know what to do because while he was most definitely attracted to Samantha and like anyone enjoyed the attention he didn’t want me to feel left out.

We left from dinner and went to a local bar for drinks. Again I should have utilized our code phrase and left.

But, I didn’t.

I’m a stubborn, hard headed bitch at times. So, I don’t take well to being put in my place, as was apparently Samantha’s goal the whole evening. I certainly wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. So, I flirted, laughed and joked with the best of them; but of course, good girl that I am, I did so in as a respectful and tasteful way as I could muster.

Samantha had told us previously that the most recent couple they had met had not turned out well. The guy was very into her but the woman was ‘a lump on a log’. She said the woman didn’t like her at all. Well, after spending an entire evening with her I can understand why. After hearing the story previously I should have seen the red flags and cancelled.

But, I didn’t.

So, I watched as Samantha did one thing after another to garner attention from both of our spouses. I watched as she would literally turn her back to me if I said or did anything that directed the spot light my way. She was, as Hubby refers to it, very ‘Me-Centric’. I swear, “Anything you can do, I can do better!” was playing over and over in her head the entire evening. The phrases, “I’m crazy!”, “Don’t you think I’m crazy?” were repeated, over and over and over, to the point I wanted to shove them down her throat.

I love people who love life. Our girlfriend, Callie, loves life! She is flirtatious, charming and sometimes a complete ham! But she does so because she’s loving herself and the people around her and wants to have a good time. She naturally gets a lot of attention because her gregarious personality and zest for life is infectious and she makes people around her feel good! Samantha, on the other hand, is a show-off who needs to have ALL the attention to rally her self esteem. Not only is this quality very fake and somewhat pathetic but also very unattractive.

So, while she may have a very attractive body, because her personality was less than appealing I had ZERO attraction to her. This is another aspect that made the whole situation very awkward because while Hubby was annoyed by the “Hey y’all, watch this!” antics he could more easily put it aside because he found her physically sexy.

This is a new situation we found ourselves in and as such we probably didn’t handle it the best. We do not always find everyone equally as appealing. But, generally there is some basic attraction that either of us can expand on. In this case there was nothing to work with on my end - no where to go. So, do I take one for the team because Hubby digs her or do I respectfully decline and tell Hubby “Sorry, better luck next time”?

I might have taken one for the team if I had my own playmate to direct my attention. But, her Hubby was very much a cold fish. Evidently he did find me attractive, and told Hubby as much while I was in the ladies room. But he never gave me any inkling. I might have been (might is a very broad term because after all the drama I’m not sure how comfortable I could have really been) open to sitting this one out and letting Hubby play alone - but this couple has no interest in that.

It was very much a no win situation.

In the end while it was very annoying it was not something I couldn’t deal with and easily bounce back from…

Well, sort of… Hubby did get a bit carried away with the attention and his desire. There were a few moments that were somewhat pressuring because he was really really hoping we would all click. For example when, after Samantha and Hubby had been at the bar whispering, they both rushed over like little kids to their mama saying, “He’s really into you, just go up and kiss him!” It was very much, “We REALLY want to play so you two get on board! Pleeeeeeease!”. And the numerous questions whispered from Hubby, “Do you like her?” and as he looked her up and down, “Isn’t she hot!, Don’t you like her?” etc… was not comfortable. And finally, at the end of the evening, after I got short vanilla kiss from both Samantha and her Hubby, she and my Hubby got in full on make out mode with a passionate long kiss, which made it more so uncomfortable. While I could cut him some slack because I’m sure he would not intentionally make me feel uncomfortable and I could understand it is easy to get carried away with your desires, it was unpleasant nonetheless.

So in the end I was a very angry girl. I was angry at Samantha’s behavior. I was angry that Hubby was in my opinion disrespectful by pressuring me and part of me wished he would ‘defend my honor’. But most importantly I was angry at myself; angry for not communicating enough what I wanted, angry for being passive aggressive by basically ‘testing’ Hubby by putting him in a situation I knew I would feel uncomfortable and he would be tempted.

A bruised ego but lots of lessons learned!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Musing No. 79 - Full Life

So much to tell. So little time. So much has been happening this week which means my blog has been temporarily put aside. Sorry lovies!!! I promise to be back with updates soon!

Just glimpse of what's going on in my world... Things are progressing quite well with our girlfriend, Callie. We are hitting the strip club with her tomorrow night. We also have a hot date with another couple on Saturday night. Of course, you know what two date nights in a row means - SHOPPING! What better excuse for a new outfit? I promise to be back next week with some very sexy new lingerie for HNT. Surprisingly, my activities via Craigslist has unearthed an unlikely pairing - a very charismatic single man.

In the midst of my busy sex life there is also a great deal going on within my personal life. Hubby and I are very aggressively apartment/house hunting. I have been lucky to have had several interviews this week so one hopes a new job may be on the horizon. When mixed with taking care of a very precocious 1 year old my life is feeling quite full.

I promise to be back soon with all the yummy details of our weekend of debauchery as well as all the dirt on this new man.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Musing No. 78 - Flirting.

As part of my increased interest in finding my own autonomy I have been attempting to get better in touch with my sexuality - my sexuality - not how it relates to others.

In recent conversations Hubby and I have discussed our differing views regarding flirting. I do enjoy flirting, but not in the same manner that he does. Hubby is a consummate flirt. He’s quite good at it. He has a knack of making you feel like you’re the only woman on the face of the earth. It’s an endearing quality and one which I don’t think I possess.

For me, flirting has always been something goal oriented; a necessary part of attracting a lover. Sometimes, I admit, it’s just another thing on my list of tasks to complete in my already busy day. Do the dishes. Check. Feed the baby. Check. Flirt with Hubby. Check.

I am envious of Hubby’s ability to enjoy flirting purely for flirting sake. This is one of life’s pleasures that I have yet to fully understand or enjoy.

So… I have decided, with Hubby’s encouragement and support, to try flirting purely for MY enjoyment. I posted an ad on Craigslist seeking men and women who enjoy flirting via email and text. As I type this I am giggling. This sounds so silly to me. But hey, ya never know what you like until you’ve tried it, right?

Friday, January 15, 2010

Musing No. 77 - Lifestyle Frustrations

This blog has become in many ways my outlet, my therapy, a way to explore my desires and emotions. It is also my attempt, small as it is, to shed a bit of light on a lifestyle that often times goes misinterpreted and misunderstood. But, as with all aspects of life, there are the negative experiences as well. To be fair I feel I should shed light on those aspects as well rather than only focusing on the good. Make sense?

I wrote recently about a woman, Samantha, who was making me a bit uneasy. Hubby is totally digging this woman because, well, she is sexy as hell! She has an amazing body, very sexual and uber confident. A sure combination to get Hubby’s motor going! On paper that should appeal to me as well.

There have only been a very limited number of times that I have felt the need to veto a lover. I don’t like to do it. Hubby and I typically have similar tastes but on the few occasions he is into someone I am not, I tend to see it as an opportunity to try something new. Though I have an open mind on some things I can be somewhat stuck in my ways on others. I appreciate Hubby‘s and my differences as a chance to get out of my head a bit. Generally I learn something new about myself in the process and once or twice Hubby has learned to recognize women whom may not have the best of intentions in regards to respecting our relationship.

I am not quite to the point of saying NEXT but, I am feeling increasingly uneasy.

Hubby and I do not currently play separately. We have recently considered opening our marriage further. This is an option that is very much still on the table, but one which, as of yet we haven’t acted on. With that in mind when playing as a couple the goal is for the experience to be mutually beneficial to all participants. Keep in mind that Samantha and her Hubby are NOT open to playing alone. If this were the case none of this would matter much.

This particular scenario is quickly becoming very one sided.

Let me back up a step. From the beginning I wasn’t so keen on this particular couple. There is not much I can say about the male portion, because, well, he never talks to me. This is another issue in of itself which I will discuss briefly. Samantha’s style of sexuality is somewhat of a turn off for me. I looooooove sexually assertive women. I loooooove women who can say what they want and how they want it. I looooooove women who love themselves. However, Samantha’s choice of vernacular is off-putting.

Phrases such as:
“Are you going to ‘jerky-jerk’ today?”
“Are you pervin’ me?”
“I need to go brush my HOGS!”

These are some of the goofier statements she has made. There are others that aren’t as colorful but very brash and brazen. While it may seem silly, and I admit it does, those types of phrases are just not appealing to me. I’m a “Lady in public - Whore in the bedroom” kinda girl. That’s what I like.

It is also not very appealing that she emails, texts and messages and the next day has no recollection because she was drunk.

As I mentioned I’ve had very little to say to her Hubby. We were told he’s not very outgoing and does better in person. Because our schedules were clashing and we were out of town we weren’t able to get together as soon as would have been preferred. So, that is something we can work with when meeting. Some people just don’t do the online thing.

However, one drunken night in particular she basically went into a rant about how we had to include her Hubby more. She said, rightfully so, that he needed to feel included. Fine and dandy. However, it wasn’t until this lecture that she gave us his telephone number to call or text, nor did we have his messenger ID. So, our only way of communication was with her. However, I assumed that perhaps he got onto her for not including him (she does seem to control the show) and so of course that rolled down hill. Point taken. We’ll make an effort to include him - now that we’re able.

I spent the next day attempting to get to know him. I did the pleasantries to get to know him on a non-sexual level. I also attempted to flirt with him. I sent sexy photos. I sent texts heavily peppered with sexual innuendo. His responses were very blasé and it seemed as if he wasn’t on board and was only going along for the ride due to his ‘life of the party’ wife’s insistence. Not good!

Just a side note for all you guys out there (well, this applies to women as well). In the world of women, if a woman sends you a naked photo of herself (think full breasts or ass shot) and assuming you want to get into her pants, it’s appropriate to say something flattering back. “That’s a huge tit.” is not typically considered a form of flattery - at least not in my love language. Neither is zero acknowledgement at all. But I digress.

Another major issue is that Samantha seems to need to be the center of attention at all times and is basically using my Hubby has her boy toy to boost her ego. A majority of our conversations, limited as they are, have been centered around how amazing she is and how impressed I should be with her. Our conversations also tend to be a pissing contest of sorts. “Anything you can do, I can do better!” Not fun. And sadly I must admit that at a point I get frustrated and join in the pissing.

In contrast, her conversations with Hubby are much different. They are very sexual in nature (despite her claims to be bisexual she shows zero interest in me). Initially they were very flattering to Hubby. He ate it up. I mean what man doesn’t want his ego stroked?! But they are progressively becoming less about flirting with Hubby as they are becoming demanding and possessive of him. It’s also not appealing that when messaging us on our joint yahoo account if she discovers it’s me she makes an excuse to quickly exit whereas if she is talking to Hubby, out comes the dirty talk.

Hubby is beginning to notice and isn’t appreciating it. Recently at his own insistence he decided to address the concerns with Samantha. He expressed his concern at her Hubby’s lack of interest. There is nothing worse than swinging with a couple where one of the partners is being forced to participate! He expressed his concern that things seemed to be too heavily one sided. Samantha’s response was less than appealing. Though she did pay lip service to our concerns much of the conversation was an array of excuses.

So, at this juncture we’re not making any solid plans to meet them. We’ve expressed our concerns. We’ll see if things change. Considering my attempts to connect with her Hubby again yesterday went ignored, she has said no more than a few words to me, yet continues to send sexually charged texts, IM’s and photos to Hubby I am not optimistic.

So, for now I’m letting this whole scenario run it’s course until one of two things happen. Either by some miracle Samantha will get it through her head Hubby is a package deal - two for the price of one - and we‘ll look back on all of this and laugh. Or, Hubby will have his fill and nix the whole thing. I’m anticipating the latter will be more likely. Sometimes it behoves a woman to let her man come to his own conclusions, even if you can see the train wreck a mile down the track.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Musing No. 76 - HNT. Legs

"Darling, the legs aren't so beautiful,
I just know what to do with them."
~Marlene Dietrich


Musing No. 75 - Unicorn. Could it be?

Saturday evening we had a date with a sexy new prospective lover, Callie. We were already pretty confident that we would click after our night of naughty phone sex. I am happy to report that we were not disappointed!

She is confident, sexy, curvy, feminine and sassy! All components that have been known to make me see stars! The evening flowed with great ease. We laughed, we talked, we flirted… Until the time came to take our sexy selves into the bedroom. We were somewhat limited in our play - Damned Mother Nature! - but we didn’t let that deter us!

We began kissing delicately at first, with soft nibbles and caresses as Hubby watched. Soon we began to kiss more passionately with a sense of urgency. All of our desires were finally coming to fruition and it felt amazing! Soon I was able to expose her lovely breasts which I had fantasized about for weeks. Her flesh was soft to the touch and I relished in the fullness of her luscious tits. Her erect nipples looked like gumdrops just waiting to be taken into my mouth. As I caressed her nipples and breasts Hubby began to kiss her slowly and deeply…slowly moving his hands over her body. It was intoxicating! She seemed to enjoy my breasts with the same excited adoration. We went on like that for what seemed like hours. Kissing and touching one another…feeling the lusting desire that was so tangible in the air.

Much to Hubby’s surprise and great pleasure Callie began to unzip his pants. She eagerly took his thick cock deep into her mouth and sucked with such urgency you might imagine she had never seen a cock before. Her enamoured attention sent Hubby over the edge. I kissed Hubby as I watched in awe and lust. I always enjoy watching Hubby receive pleasure. It is one of life’s great aphrodisiacs.

We spent the remainder of the evening cuddling and talking as if we’d known each other for years…

Yes, I do believe the sex gods are smiling down on us! Not only have we found a partner for erotic play but also a friend. After months of searching for the ’Unicorn’, dare I say we may have found her?

Shhhh…don’t want to jinx it!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Musing No. 74 - Voyeur

Faintly I could hear the sounds of her breathless moans…

I was lavishing Hubby’s cock with attention while he enjoyed phone sex with our new girlfriend. It was hot! Hearing Callie’s faint moans deepen, as Hubby explained in deliciously erotic detail what he wanted to do to every kissable inch of her body, was getting me very wet. The more I heard, the more aroused I became. The unknown of it, only hearing portions of the dirty details, was such an aphrodisiac. As I licked the shaft of Hubby’s cock I began rubbing my throbbing clit with my bullet vibe. Soon, she could hear my moans, which seemed to be equally arousing to her. Within moments we were all cumming together…

Did I mention it was hot?!?

This was a new experience for me, but one I’m anxious to repeat. Phone sex is not exactly my forte. Hubby is phenomenal and thoroughly enjoys it. Very descriptive and his deep southern drawl is intoxicating. Being the voyeur and seeing him give and receive pleasure is so arousing to me.

We have a date this evening with our sexy new friend. As hot as it was, I am sure the in person connection will surpass all of our audio lusting.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Musing No. 73 - HNT. Headed Home

Nothing like flashing your tits at truckers to kick off a long road trip!


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Musing No. 72 - New Connections

Our unintended hiatus from playing has not only come to an end but it seems we are fast approaching a fucking streak with a plethora of sexy prospective partners. My cunt is still pulsating from our erotic fuck fest a few days ago, which has me anxious for our next rendezvous.

We have a date Saturday evening, after we get back into town, with Callie. Callie is sexy, curvy and feminine. She has a deliciously dirty mind, which I am quite anxious to put to good use. As an added bonus she is open to delving into our ideal situation of a girlfriend (whom we could play with both together and separate). She is spunky, confident and doesn’t shock easily. We’ve had a delightful time discussing our mutual fantasies and I am excited to see if the chemistry continues when we meet in person. Oh, and yes, she is a hairstylist. I think I may finally be able to cross off a couple of items from my Sexual Bucket List.

Next week I will be meeting up with another hottie at a toy party. I am excited for a girl’s night out! However, this is a bit out of my comfort level because she is not the type of woman I am typically attracted to. Physically she is sexy as hell. However, her forwardness has been somewhat off putting. I do like outgoing women, but her version of aggression is more brash than I am accustomed to. The best explanation I have is that she is the type of woman who fucks and lives like a man. She is unapologetically vulgar with her sexual innuendos. She is unabashed in her sexual exploration. When I write this statement it sounds almost hypocritical of my feminist view of sexual liberation and in fact she should appeal to me. So why does this female aggressor intimidate me so? I am unsure. Perhaps I feel inadequate in some way because I am not so open sexually. Yes, I love sex. Yes, I write about it in my blog. Yes, I enjoy multiple partners. But there remains that remnant of the ‘good girl’ I was raised to be and there are some things I still just don’t say or do and ‘good girl’s’ are not the aggressors. I realize how ridiculous this sounds but there are some lessons that are so deeply ingrained they are difficult to unlearn. It’s my determination to move outside my comfort level and to think outside the box that has me intrigued with this saucy minx. So, I’m going to the toy party, determined to have a great time and who knows…maybe I will learn a thing or two.

We also have tentative plans to meet up with a poly couple. They have experienced romantic partnerships in the past and are looking for either a physical connection or perhaps something more. This is most certainly new territory for us and I am unsure if poly is something we plan to delve into. But they seem to be great people, we have a great deal in common and most certainly interested in getting to know them.

There are some other less interesting prospects that have shown interest in us. However, I don’t like to throw out a wide net, preferring rather to get to know a select few and see where those connections lead.

I am enjoying this renewed sense of my sensual self and feel encouraged to have attracted the interest of so many wonderful people who wish to share their sensual selves with me.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Musing No. 71 - TMI Tuesday

Would you rather.....

1. A relaxing vacation or an adventurous trip?

A relaxing vacation. My life tends to have enough adventure infused into it and not always when I want it. Time away to recharge is a necessity.

2. Get a perfect nights sleep or have amazing sex?

Amazing sex! I can sleep when I’m dead.

3. Rather be intimate with the lights on or off?

Neither. Candlelight or similar effect. Just enough glow to see all your glorious parts and soft enough to feel sexy and sensual.

4. Your S/O be a terrible kisser who could always make you orgasm or an amazing kisser who could never make you orgasm?

Such a tough one! I’d have to say terrible kisser who always made me orgasm. I love to kiss! It can be so intimate and passionate. But a lifetime without cumming I could never do!

5. Date someone much younger or much older than you?

Older. I have always been attracted to older men. And, lets face it, men don’t mature until they get into their 30’s and for some even later. In women I don’t care. Any sexy woman is always welcome in my book.

Bonus (as in optional): Which reality show would you be good at? Why?

Real Housewives. But I think my life may be a bit too x-rated for TV. Maybe if HBO or Showtime picked it up...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Musing No. 70 - Erotic Perfection

No matter how many times we do this there is always that nervous energy at the beginning. The excitement of what is to come is intoxicating. I found myself glancing at his lips wondering how they would taste and feel against mine. Admiring her breasts, imagining sucking softly on her erect nipples. The four of us sat in the living room making small talk about everything but the one thing that was on all of our minds.

Are we going to fuck?

We met via our fav swinger website. After exchanging a few messages we made plans to meet at their apartment. Within moments of meeting I knew I wanted them both. He is the sexy artistic type. He had this whole Johnny Cash Elvis mix about him with his deep voice and sexy southern drawl. She looked to be something of a free spirit with her long flowing dark hair mixed with sultry full lips. I was enamored with her full breasts atop a petite little body.

What happened next was quite possibly the most erotic encounter of my life. It was how everything flowed that made it so erotic; our bodies were all working in unison like pieces to a puzzle. She kissed me with such passion I can still feel the heat of her lips on mine. Passionate would most certainly describe the entire encounter. We touched one another with such desire and fervency as if we might never touch another person again. Within moments we were a jumbled mess of bodies; intertwined in such a way you could not tell where one person began and another ended.

She paid delicate attention to my nether regions using her tongue to caress and gently cajole my orgasm forth. The mixture of delicate caress and passionate force sent shots of electricity through my body. I found myself grabbing her hair and as my hips bucked forward with intense pleasure. I took a moment to catch my breath. I could hardly wait to flip her over and taste her sweet juices. Her pussy was a lovely shade of pink and like her body was petite and perfectly symmetrical. It tasted as sweet as it looked. I began licking her throbbing clit while I penetrated her with my fingers. As I thrust inside her I felt her wet pussy begin to tighten until her pussy clenched as she came. She began to writhe and giggle as her delicate bits became sensitive to the touch.

With great excitement and anticipation I took his cock into my mouth as she watched, obviously aroused by the sight. Soon she joined me in caressing his cock with our mouths. Hubby moved between her thighs and began to lick her delicate pussy. Soon her body began to writhe again as she rocked her body back against Hubby’s face. The more aroused she became the more intently she sucked her Hubby’s cock. As pleasure over took her she directed me to suck his cock while she watched. The sight of her Hubby’s cock in my willing mouth sent her over the edge into waves of orgasm.

We repeated the scene with Hubby’s cock in our mouths. The sight of her mouth on my Hubby’s cock equally aroused me. She took all of him into her mouth while she looked into my eyes with desire. She would come up for air to kiss me passionately telling me how good it tasted. Her hubby buried his face in my pussy and soon it was me that was writhing with desire. His soft goatee gently caressed my thighs as his soft tongue caressed my clit.

We continued like that for hours…caressing, licking, sucking, writhing and fucking… Until finally we collapsed into a pile of breathless sated bodies. We lay there a few moments gently caressing one another. She grasped my hand as if wanting to hold onto that connection that was so tangible between the four of us. Suddenly and unexpectedly she crawled on top of me rubbing her pussy against my flesh and kissing me passionately. With that we began again….until again we were breathless and sated.

As we drove home, 6 hours since we had first met our new friends, I felt a sense of calm come over me. I felt so in tuned with my body, my sexuality. Likewise I felt a sense of connection with Hubby. Those who have not shared their spouse may not understand but sharing your partner, in some strange way, seems to create a closer connection.

It’s a shame after such a perfect first meeting that we live so far away. But, I’m thinking the next time we are in town we have a date.