Regardless of the happenings of the previous year I always look forward with great anticipation to the New Year. There is something to be said for that symbolic renewal a new year brings. This year seems oddly different. We are all familiar with the New Year’s Resolution but perhaps it is because I have already begun to make changes with in my life there isn’t the need for the motivation which symbolism provides.
I feel I am on the cusp of something new, exciting and empowering. I can nearly feel in a tangible way energy coursing through my body in anticipation. Am I being a little over dramatic over what may seem like fairly minor changes to others? Perhaps. But at the end of the day it is my joy that is significant in my life and I am feeling quite joyful these days.
I have delved into self-discovery but in a different way than I have ever experienced. Rather than looking at what is wrong in my life I have made the conscious choice to look at what is right in my life. My desires are being put on the forefront with an exuberance I haven’t experienced since my youth. I have always said that I am a work in progress. While I will never say I have arrived or I have it all figured out (who does?) I do have the sense that I am on the right track.
One afternoon I curled up with a cup of tea and literally made a list of my desires. Whether it is a condo on the beach or something seemingly minor, like the perfect cup of coffee, I listed any and every thing that tickled my fancy. You don’t realize how pleasure starved you are until you begin to list your desires.
Having a tangible list to refer to is empowering in some way. It is even more so empowering to mark the desires off my list. This morning, while drinking that perfect cup of coffee, I reflected over my list of desires. It feels decedent, for the first time in ages, to focus on my needs, wants and desires without guilt.
This focus on pleasure has impacted every facet of my life. I have taken the time to read again. In the last three weeks I have read 4 books. As a new mama I can’t begin to tell you what an accomplishment this is. I have surrounded myself with the inspirational works of the fabulously empowering women that have gone before me. I have struggled with body image my entire life. The after effects of having a baby have only magnified my self-loathing. So, for the first time in my life I decided not to diet. I’m done with counting calories, stressing over carbs and fat. Instead, much like the French, I am enjoying a little bit of all of the delectable flavors I love. Moderation is the theme. Amazingly I have lost 7 pounds; during the holiday season no less! I am learning to speak French, meditating every day, getting in touch with my physical self via yoga, pampering myself with bubble baths and facials. The list goes on.
I have found that not only has this inspired me but Hubby as well. He is eager to help me achieve my goals. Rather than feeling guilty, as I would normally, I am relishing in his attentions to my needs. And I can tell you; as a result, the roses he brought home for my desk smelled all the sweeter and the Saturday morning mimosas were all the tastier. Our stressors are still present and do cause moments of pause but on the whole my household is much more joyful.
P.S. I was out of pocket recently and missed HNT. Due to impending weather we bumped up our holiday travel plans and haven’t had Internet access until now.
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