Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Musing No. 58 - TMI Tuesday

After a week of no postings and being stuck in bed I’m on a roll. Joining in this week’s TMI Tuesday a bit late…but better late than never. *wink*

1. Is there an entertaining story attached to (women) your first bra / (men) your first jockstrap?
Entertaining? No. A story? Yes. I developed early on. By the 4th grade I was wearing a C cup. In a sea of flat chested girls I was blatantly aware that my body was different. An experience in my formative years began my long held disapproval of my body which I still struggle with. Long story short, a boy from school assaulted me in an attempt to remove my bra. He made a bet with his friends, chased me down, threw me to the ground and attempted to remove my bra to take back as a souvenir to show off to all the boys evidence of his conquest. Sadly the boy in question was never punished and the phrase “Boys will be boys.” was used several times. As a result I refused to wear a bra for some time in part due to fear and extreme embarrassment.

I am determined to do differently with my daughter. I envision the day she gets her first bra to be a celebration of sorts. A day at the spa, mani’s, pedi’s and a trip to Victoria’s Secret to pick out the most lovely bra’s we can find.

2. Is there a story to (women) your first try at bralessness /(men) your first encounter with bralessness?
Nope. I often forgo panties but with DDD breasts going braless is not really an option.

3. How about your first time going commando?
In all honesty I have been going sans panties so long I can’t really remember a “first time”.

4. Or your first discovery of lack-of-underpants in another?
The first girl I fucked didn’t wear panties. I don’t have a specific memory beyond being excited that we had that in common. Until I got involved in the lifestyle I didn’t meet many people who went commando.

5. Any other good underwear-related tales to tell?
This is ironic but I always wear panties when I attend a swinger’s party. As free as I profess to be I still don’t like random fingers on certain parts of my body. Though I’ve never been ‘groped’ per say there are those men who like to graze their hands beneath your skirt as you pass by. I find the barrier of panties make me feel more at ease.

TMI Tuesday

Musing No. 57 - A Time for Change

I am beginning to wonder if there is something in the air. I am sick yet again! I spent the better part of last week curled up in bed and am only now beginning to feel like some semblance of myself. Lets hope the god’s decide that I have paid my sick quota for the year!

There have been some pretty major issues come up in the last week. With being sick the timing could not have been worse. Hubby and I have hit a wall. The stresses of the last few months are finally coming to a head and we are very rapidly reaching our breaking point. Much of the stresses we are experiencing are situational. Of course there are always those issues that rear their ugly head from time to time. Though we may endure a battle of wills on occasion Hubby and I always seem to find ourselves on common ground and working together - as a team.

Though finances are still a concern some major changes will be taking place in the next year. One of the major changes is that Hubby and I are moving. Though geographically the move is minor (just one town over) the impacts are huge. I won’t be delving into all of the drama of my family dynamic so suffice it to say it’s feeling a bit too close to home. One of the major benefits, beyond privacy, will be the ability to set firm boundaries with my family that I could not otherwise accomplish when they are in my back yard.

Another fairly big decision is my choice to return to therapy. They say that time heals all wounds, but unfortunately some wounds run too deep. While this topic is intensely private I can say at the end of the day my little trio is all that matters and I can no longer allow my past affect my future. If one were to describe me I would like to believe joyful would come to mind as opposed to damaged. Unfortunately as things stand damaged and jaded would be more apropos. It is a choice. You can live your life hurting and dwelling on what went wrong or you can take a step forward with courage, strength and grace. I am hopeful for the latter rather than the former.

Along the lines of self improvement I am determined to finally loose my baby weight. As shallow as it may seem the truth is I have agonized over the many changes my body underwent after the birth of our daughter. This internal angst has become more transparent in my procrastination in getting together with prospective lovers with the excuses of limited time or money. So, in addition to making peace with my body and loving myself, flaws and all, I am going to quit moping about it and get off my derriere.

Finally, and certainly not least I am looking into the option of returning to school. It’s been no secret that I have been envious of Hubby’s return to school. In dealing with these emotions I have discovered that I was feeling left behind. While Hubby has been pursuing his dreams and improving himself I have felt stagnate. While I adore my family I do not want to be defined solely by my role as a mother or a wife. The plan has always been that I return to school after Hubby graduates. Because we have a young child and having two full time college students is not an easy task financially we had never even considered the option. However, after a family member suggested looking into it I found that it is not so far out of reach as I had once believed.

"Life is about change. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's beautiful.
Most of the time it's both."

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Musing No. 56 - TMI Tuesday. Savage Edition

1. What are your thoughts on Polyamorous Relationships?
I think Poly relationships, like all other relationship variations, can be rewarding and fulfilling. But likewise, as with other relationship styles, requires work to be successful. That being said I have questioned the longevity without balance. It seems (at least to me) if all are on the same path it is much easier. So, triads and the like seem easier in some manner. All are equal working together as a unit. However, it seems that when there are differing levels of hierarchy (primary vs. secondary) it can become more tricky.

Speaking for myself, I have always found the thought of a triad with another woman appealing. However, in practice I think it’s unlikely to find someone that would be compatible (I am not the easiest person to live with).

2. What is on your list of relationship "deal breakers"?
Abuse. After surviving a physically and mentally abusive relationship I will never again put myself in that situation. Infidelity is also a big one. Though my definition differs from the traditional considering our lifestyle.

3. How long did it take you to find the type "you are into" and/or accept it?
I don’t have a physical type per say. Each person is sexy and beautiful in their own way. However, I knew I was attracted to out going confident personalities early on. In regards to being attracted to women - looking back that was also present very early on, though I didn’t recognize it as attraction at the time. That did actually take a while to accept it. I called myself ‘bi-curious’ because I was terrified of the label ‘bisexual’. Now I just go with it.

4. What is your view on full disclosure about past relationships? (Lies of omission not lies of commission)
It took me a long time to realize that the past is the past. It’s best to leave it there. I have a tumultuous past to say the least. I bared all to Hubby before we married. I felt it only right, considering I was still dealing with some of it, to give him a heads up. However, I don’t think it’s necessary to disclose every detail of your past relationships. Some traits are innate but I hold onto the belief that people can change and grow. Who you were with that person doesn’t necessarily define you as a person. (I’m wondering now if that’s the direction this question was geared toward. LOL Oh well….)

5. Have you ever been in a situation where you were not comfortable complying with the adventurous request of a lover?
Yep. Hubby likes the idea of including food in our sexual play. (Think licking whipped cream or honey off my breasts). I absolutely hate the thought of being sticky in any manner. We tried the whipped cream once but I had to go wash it off right away. lol Oh well, I tried. That’s one of the lovely things about our lifestyle - he is welcome to try it with another woman who may love it. No need to give up on that fantasy.

TMI Tuesday

Friday, November 13, 2009

Musing No. 55 - The Chase

It is no surprise to anyone who reads my musings that I prefer women. Well, let me clarify. Without question I do enjoy men – I absolutely adore Hubby. But in the realm of ‘swinging’ it is a woman that gets my pulse rate up. Perhaps it is that I don’t have a real life woman to play with on a regular basis. Or, perhaps it is due to my tumultuous past I am forever jaded in the realm of men.

During a sexual encounter I enjoy every inch of the man I’m with. I do enjoy playing with couples a great deal. However, it is the chase that sometimes turns me off. I hate feeling like a piece of meat – something to be conquered. Unfortunately, a vast majority of the men I have encountered seem to be under the impression that women want them to control them – to impress them with their sexual prowess and dominance. This has never appealed to me.

Perhaps it is my distaste for overtly forward men that has me quite captivated and intrigued with a man we have been conversing with recently. His wife is equally intriguing because, well – she’s a woman. She also has a great personality and we have a good amount in common. But it is her Hubby that now has my attention. He is a ‘newbie’ having very little experience within this lifestyle (she played in a past life). Perhaps it is due to his inexperience and uncertainty with how to proceed that has prompted him to be more cautious (for lack of a better word).

I suppose if you have never been involved in this lifestyle in the past propositioning another man’s wife could be reason for pause. But whatever the reason I’m enjoying getting to know someone without the constant pushy sexual innuendo. It’s nice to know that someone may finding me sexually attractive and though he has the desire to fuck my brains out – in the light of day will treat me with courtesy rather than a object to be obtained.

Or, perhaps when it comes down to it I like the chase – rather than being hunted.

Sculpture - Kneeling Man Embracing a Standing Woman, Gustav Vigeland

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Musing No. 54 - HNT. Pillow Talk.

Do it now - Do it now
Say sweet words - I want you to say.
Gimme dirty talk.

Do it now - Do it now

Sleep with me - In your special way.

Oh baby, just talk dirty to me.

~S.E.X. Appeal


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Musing No. 53 - TMI Tuesday #212

1. I lost my virginity at 18, in the back of a car, on prom night. Where and when did you lose yours?
I lost my virginity at 18 years old in my boyfriend’s apartment. Nothing terribly exciting. I think back now on all the offers I had as a young girl to fuck and part of me wishes I hadn’t been so affected by my parent’s ‘scare’ tactics.

2. I think my ass is my best sexual feature. What is yours?
My breasts by far. Though it’s now a love hate thing. They are not what they once were (babies reek havoc on your body) and I’m in the process of embracing and loving the new me.

3. A recurring theme in my fantasies is being slammed up against the wall. Do you have a recurring fantasy or a theme to your fantasies?
Hmm…I have a lot of fantasies, most involving women. One of the most recurring is my girlfriend tying Hubby up and fucking him silly…while I watch and masturbate. I join in later of course. *wink*

4. I love watching guys masturbate. Do you enjoy watching others (a partner or a stranger) masturbate?
Yes! I love watching others masturbate. I also enjoy mutual masturbation. I am very voyeuristic so I imagine watching a stranger masturbate would be equally arousing.

5. I hate when guys are quiet in bed. I like to hear you moaning as you cum. Do you like you partners quiet? Are you quiet?
A girl needs that positive reinforcement - so moan away, let me know I’m doing my job right! I am a screamer. Though I am told that right before I cum I get quiet for a few moments and start breathing heavily and then….I let loose!

6. I love playing with nipples. Do you having your nipples played with?
Yes, I love my nipples played with. A soft tongue caressing them, gentle nibbles, hard pinching the closer I get to cumming, nipple clamps. (I dedicated an HNT to my love of nipple play) You name it I love it! Here’s a little known fact. Before I had my nipples pierced I had very little sensation in my nipples - literally I could only feel pressure. Unfortunately the piercing didn’t last but it was well worth it to now be able to enjoy an array of delicious sensations.

7. My ‘number’ is between 15 and 25. What is your 'number'?
My ‘number’ is in the 20 range. Ironically I have fucked more people as a married woman than I ever did when I was single. I got off to a bit of a late start. *wink*

TMI Tuesday

Monday, November 9, 2009

Musing No. 52 - Authentic Self

"Authentic Self "is a term I hear often at church. However, it is a term that I often struggle with. While I have never considered myself terribly religious, I do consider myself to be spiritual and I have long since believed my spiritual path and lifestyle can coexist.

My church rocks! We believe it is the message that is sacred, not the method. With that in mind our weekend services are reminiscent of a rock concert complete with smoke, lights, videos and a kick ass band. We believe worship can be fun – a celebration of God’s love and presence within our lives. We have earned the reputation about town as the “sinner’s church” in part due to the acceptance of all people regardless of where you are on your spiritual path, how you dress, your sex, race or sexual preference.

Sex is openly discussed and it’s encouraged to enjoy the best sex life you can – within your marriage. For example, we recently were greeted in the lobby by our leaders soaking in a tub. In part of our recent series on marriage it was discussed how one couple’s recipe for success was to take a bath together every night. It was during that intimate time they communicated about their day and any problems they were facing as a couple. And, so, there they sat soaking together in a tub in an attempt to encourage us and to of course provide a good chuckle. I can tell you, being raised a strict Southern Baptist, how uncommon this sort of display is.

But it is the term Authentic Self that at times causes some inner turmoil. We are encouraged to be real and authentic. Each time we hear that phrase mentioned Hubby and I give one another a sideways glance because we know that there are parts of ourselves that will always be hidden.

It’s not that we desire to discuss our sexual exploits, no more than I would discuss my sexual relationship were we monogamous. Some things should remain private after all. But it’s the other discussions of life that we often sensor. For example when asked what my hobbies are I can only share my more vanilla endeavors.

A simple question, “What did you do today?”, becomes an inner conflict.

In truth I may have written an entry here, read a few of my fav sex blogs, responded to a message or two on a swinger website, emailed a few photos to prospective lovers, taken HNT photos etc., none of which I can share without giving away more of myself than I am comfortable. Instead I may say I followed up on some prospective leads for a job or took my daughter to the park. While this description of my day is true, the omission of my other interests is most certainly contradictory to the sentiment of my Authentic Self.

Even transparency about my interests is seemingly impossible. While I am able to share my interest in homosexual rights I am unable to share my equaled interest in polyamory and other alternative relationships. Even something as simple as what I am reading causes conflict. I can’t say how much I am enjoying reading the second addition of The Ethical Slut. Instead I consider my audience and discuss another favorite book, God Chicks.

Unfortunately, as much as I despise the thought, I find myself compartmentalizing my life. To do otherwise would risk alienating myself from a place that I otherwise feel at peace. And, so, I will continue the balancing act until the day comes that I can be truly authentic.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Musing No. 51 - Out of Pocket

I have been out of pocket the last few days which is my more genteel way of saying I have been gawd awful sick. Hubby and I have food poisoning. Yuck! I am finally beginning to feel some semblance of myself. That being said I am taking my leave and will be back next week hopefully feeling well and refreshed.

Hope everyone has a safe and sexy weekend!


Monday, November 2, 2009

Musing No. 50 - Loose Ends

I have been slacking on providing updates on previous posts. And, well, since I have a great deal more time on my hands I decided it was time to tie up some loose ends.

30 Days of Fucking

After allowing the stuff of life to interfere with the frequency in which Hubby and I were fucking we decided to dedicate 30 days to fucking. While this did the trick to remind us to make intimacy a priority – we did not exactly stick to the 30 days to the letter. Unfortunately our lil trio came down with a flu…and, well….

Sexual Bucket List

The list has not been forgotten! While Hubby and I have enjoyed some pretty amazing fuck fests they have not included any cameo appearances. If you notice a majority if not all of my fantasies often include either the addition of another woman or some good ol’ group fucking. Since our swinger side hasn’t had an opportunity of late to come out and play the bucket list is inadvertently on hold as well. Soon…I hope.


Hubby and I had a date scheduled recently with a hot sexy woman whom we met via Craigslist. Unfortunately circumstances came up on both ends that forced us to reschedule. She is most certainly still in the picture. We continue to exchange deliciously dirty texts, emails and photos and we anticipate a meeting and fucking very, very soon!

More specifically we anticipate our drought of sorts will soon be over. We have made some good connections via our fav swinger sight and at this juncture it’s a matter of scheduling. It also doesn’t help that, due to my recent set back in employment, finances are somewhat of an issue. Swinger club dues in addition to the cost of a babysitter for the evening can add up quickly. But where there is a will there is a way!

In addition to some couples that are very appealing I am especially excited to see how things pan out with a sexy lesbian couple that contacted us recently. Three women – bodies hot, sweaty and intertwined…the mind reels! Of course, I am not sure if Lesbian is the appropriate term considering they are both bi-sexual. What ever you call them they are sexy as hell and most importantly they totally dig us! *wink*