Friday, October 30, 2009

Musing No. 49 - Pleasure

"I felt it was time to play. Most of my thoughts, time and energy had gone into creative effort. And this restriction of the love drive, the headshrinkers will tell you, is the greatest urge one really has. When one sublimates the sex drive into creative work it puts a person on high gear, mentally. I admit it. But it's against my nature to bottle up the biological plans of pleasure for any length of time. I hope I don't sound as if I have discovered the secret salve that soothes the universe, but I do want to add my small footnote on the subject.

~Mae West

This quote resonates with me recently. Though I haven’t been pouring myself into creative efforts I have been placing a majority of my attentions on the responsibilities of life. Like all women I wear many hats. That of a wife, mother, sister, daughter, employee, etc. I have for many months been neglecting my own pleasure. I have been aware of the growing neglect but have made only mediocre attempts to correct it.

In the world of “no pain = no gain” it becomes easy, especially for women, to place others needs and desires above our own in the pursuit of being the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect employee. In my case it also became a cop out of sorts. Lets face it – being true to yourself and your desires takes courage, gusto and determination.

While I do not have all the answers I do know something’s gotta give. Pleasure is a choice - a decision to enjoy ones life. I want every day to be about pleasure, passion and fulfillment - not a special treat on my Birthday or Anniversary. I want to create a life where pleasure is the rule rather than the exception. Does this sound selfish? Maybe. Or perhaps that is what our puritanical society has conditioned us to feel.

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

~May West

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Musing No. 48 - HNT. Vulnerable

My recent loss of employment has left me feeling a bit vulnerable and raw. Since this blog is reflective of my life, this week’s HNT allows a bit of that vulnerability to peek through. They say the eyes are the windows of the soul.

When you look into my eyes,
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul,
It always comes as a surprise.
When I feel my withered roots begin to grow,
Well I never had a place that I could call my very own.
That's all right my love, 'cause you're my home.

~Billy Joel

Join in the HNT fun!
HNT_1

Monday, October 26, 2009

Musing No. 47 - A New Day

I received a pretty big blow yesterday. I lost my job. I am still pretty angry as to the reason, considering it was no fault of my own. But I digress. While the timing couldn’t be worse I am determined to move forward.

Until about 4pm yesterday I moped around a wallowed in self pity. But finally, at Hubby’s insistence, I unwound with a hot bath, candles and my fav music. As the warm water began to relax the tension in my muscles my mind also became more clear.

One of the most difficult lessons to learn but also the most important is to roll with the punches. I have faced much greater trials in my life so while this is discouraging I am up for the challenge. So, with that positive outlook in mind I decided to treat myself to an evening of pleasure.

I pleasured myself - literally - in the bath. I learned at a young age the deliciously wonderful sensations a pulsating shower head can create. I then enjoyed an evening of pampering complete with mani, pedi, facial and all the sweet smelling lotions and potions. My toes look fab in my fav pink polish btw! *wink* I admit I did polish off a bottle of wine. (Just a side note - this is a rarity for me. I do enjoy a glass of wine a few times a week with dinner or after the baby is in bed. Generally it stops at a single glass. However, this evening I decided to treat myself and completely unwind). I spent the remainder of the evening watching my favorite movie (“The Thomas Crown Affair - I could definitely live with Catherine Banning’s life.)

And now refreshed and renewed I am ready to face a new day. Truth be told I hated my job. While it did pay the bills it was mind numbingly boring. I often complained to Hubby how much I thoroughly despised my days because of my job. I also wasn’t all too successful in hiding my envy of Hubby’s return to school, while I was doing something I did not enjoy on any level. In truth I was settling because I felt it was best for the family as it allowed me to be home with our daughter. However, as Hubby pointed out, this is a much needed nudge to do something I actually enjoy; something I could respect myself for.

So, as they say, when one door closes, another one opens. While the financial stresses are always in my mind I am determined to remain positive and to see this as an opportunity rather than a set back. While the uncertainty is definitely nerve wracking I am also excited at the anticipation of finding something great.

It’s a new day - and a new me!

Thanks to all for the words of encouragement yesterday. It was much appreciated! *wink*

Musing No. 46 - Disheartened.

I had the beginnings of something cute, sexy and saucy for today. Unfortunately I am no longer feeling cute, sexy or saucy. Among other things I am feeling deflated, discouraged and just plain down. I am now a member of the droves of unemployed - another victim of the economy.

While I had seen warnings floating about referencing concerns with productivity being below standards I thought I was in the clear because I was performing well. While I won’t go into the details, suffice it to say it feels like a kick in the teeth to be discharged for upholding their policies. And to add insult to injury, with the exception of student loans, mine was our only income. We are now in very scary territory.

Hubby, darling that he is, is nothing but supportive and encouraging. It is truly during the tough times that you see what a person is made of. I have said this many times in my life but he is truly my rock.

So, with that being said, I am going to retreat and lick my wounds a bit. I have determined I am going to give myself today to mope and feel sorry for myself. I’ll put on my brave face tomorrow. So for now, I am going to crack open a bottle of wine, take a bubble bath, curl up with my daughter and watch a movie - anything and everything I can to avoid thinking of the “what if’s” of our financial future.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Musing No. 45 - Perceptions

I have been doing a lot of introspection in recent months. One area of contemplation has been centered around my interactions with others. If you have not already noticed I can be quite opinionated. However, sometimes I fear I am not as delicate as I could be and as a result I may offend or alienate others with my brashness. While I may be intending to be a bit tongue in cheek and witty, at times I can come off harsh and the dirtiest of all dirty words - judgemental. This is by no means the desired outcome but ultimately it is how I am received that matters, right?

I have been semi aware of my propensity to be perceived harsher than was intended. However, it has been spending a greater amount of time with my mother that I have become glaringly aware just how similar we are in that regard. This fact is very disturbing. While I do love and respect her purely for who she is, at times I don’t like her. It is not necessarily her actions because I do know her heart is in the right place. Better put, it's not the message but more so the method.

This manner of addressing others comes out often within my personal life and occasionally in my blog and via the social network of the world wide web.

I am a very passionate person by nature and as such tend to pour myself heart and soul into that which has captured my attention. While I have no desire to dilute my voice it would not hurt to soften my approach.

So, while I will continue to speak my mind - it is my blog after all - I will attempt to broach topics of interest in a tone that is more easily digested.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Musing No. 44 - HNT. Pearls.

But all over America, little girls in their mother's pearls saw the picture and thought, "That's what I want."
~"Sex and the City" Season Four

HNT_1

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Musing No. 43 - Small World

Hubby was perusing Craiglist yesterday and came across an ad that caused him to burst into a fit of laughter. Hubby often browses the casual encounters section in cities we have previously lived purely for entertainment value. In this case he was in the MW4W section in his home town. Imagine his surprise when he happened across an ad posted by an old football buddy from high school who was looking for a woman to join in some nekkid fun with he and his wife. Hubby resisted the urge to message his old high school chum on Facebook to tell him his wife has great tits (she does!!!).

It got me to thinking. I suspect that, if those of us in alternative relationships felt more comfortable being open about who we are, the sheer numbers would be impressive.
The Kinsey Institute for Research estimates there are more than 4 million swingers in America. However, I would be willing to wager that this number is significantly larger.

It also got me to thinking about the increased popularity of swinging within the younger generations. It seems that alternative lifestyles in general are becoming more and more accepted; slowly but surely. This is not only true of the swinger community but also plural marriages,
polyamorous, and the homosexual community to name a few.

It’s surreal to consider how many people I have met in normal day to day life whom I later found were swingers; this is not to mention family members. Hubby’s parents were swingers. We have suspected my aunt & uncle after my mom found a photo of them & another couple nude in the hot tub. Not to mention their numerous "camping" trips with other couples. My sister had a brief stint in an open marriage. I have happened across many a swinger profiles online of couples and women I knew within my normal day to day life. Hubby has been recognized by patients via our photos online. I
wouldn’t be surprised if every person within our country knows at least a handful of people who are secretly practicing an alternative non-monogamous relationship.

Personally I find these tidbits of information to be reassuring. It's nice to know you're in good company. I believe, thanks in part to those who are coming forth within the mainstream media, that we are ever so slowly evolving and eventually alternative relationship dynamics will become not only accepted but common place.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Musing No. 42 - TMI Tuesday #209

1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay?
Honestly considering our current living arrangements and with having a young child the home I would have to say romance. I think it’s not uncommon for new parents to struggle balancing their alone time with family time. In our case I think more recently we are ‘fucking’ more often than making love purely due to time constraints.

2. What is your worst habit?
I come by it honest, but I tend to dwell and over analyze pretty much any aspect of my life. This can be a blessing and curse at the same time. I believe it has kept me from making poor choices however it can be quite exhausting to over think some of the pleasures of life as well.

3. Do you take compliments well?
No. Not at all. I become embarrassed, blush and struggle with what to say in return.

4. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
All of the above. lol See #2. I have had some trying times in my past and it has been a struggle for me to leave the past where it belongs. However, with all the changes in recent months I would say I think a great deal more about our goals for the future.

5. Do you feel everyone has a soulmate?
While I do think there are select people out there whom we connect with on a deeper level, I don’t think those connections are limited to only one. I find it interesting that people do tend to come into our life precisely at the time we need them. Call it what you will - soulmates, fate or just dumb luck.

Bonus (as in optional): "Where Would You Wish To Wake Up?"
In 5 star resort on a secluded tropical island with Hubby. The cool ocean breeze caressing my skin. No responsibilities. No time constraints. No stress. No worries. Just me, Hubby and the ocean.

Join in the TMI Tuesday fun here!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Musing No. 41 - Anticipation

I am as giddy as a school girl! Hubby and I have a date Friday evening….with another woman. I love the anticipation of connecting with someone new. Those nervous butterflies are intoxicating. I may be premature in writing considering we have had several possibilities in recent weeks that did not pan out But I can’t help myself…

I am especially intrigued at the possibility of finding the much sought after Unicorn. The lady in question is sexy as hell with killer curves. I have always been attracted to strong women who could hold their own in any given situation. She is no exception. She has confidence in spades and is uber sexual.

We are meeting up at a local swinger club. I am quite excited to check out the local swinger scene. I think it comes to a surprise, to those outside our ‘lifestyle’, that this is a very empowering environment for women. As one local club so eloquently put it, “The ladies are our most precious commodities. They are the reason we are all here. So defer to their wishes and comfort level, let them set the tone of events and respect them at all times.” This is truly the sentiment of the ‘swinger’ community as a whole. Women are adored and respected. It’s ironic, the contrast from ‘vanilla’ society, given the popular misgivings.

Hubby I think is more excited for the opportunity for me to connect with someone outside of my family and our home. I have been, as you will easily read here, in a bit of a rut of late. I am quite sure this will be a welcome change and a much needed push out of my funk.

You never really know until you meet in person if everyone will connect and there will be a tangible chemistry. However, regardless the outcome of the evening I am enthralled at the mere thought of being back into the ‘swing’ of things, so to speak.

Stay tuned…

P.S. I am a bad girl… I didn’t post an HNT photo this week. Wanna spank me? Not to worry…I will make amends this Thursday. *wink*

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Musing No. 40 - Rant

Be for warned. This is a bit of a rant.

We have had a fair amount of family obligations this week. We both get a small thrill texting with lovers while we are doing the family thang. It’s like our naughty lil secret and we pass a few winks here and there and sneak away to whisper about what’s being said. It’s our way to insert a lil excitement to what may be an otherwise dull evening.

That being said. Hubby was conversing with a couple we had not previously seen photos of. They exchanged 4 photos - face photos of both, her breasts, and zoomed in photo of his cock. Now, let me preface this to say I am not terribly turned on by cock photos. I read on a blog recently (sorry I can’t remember which one) that a cock photo is like opening your presents before Christmas. I couldn’t agree more! I would much rather see a photo of your face or a strong broad chest. A fellow blogger recently posted the most sexy photo for HNT. It’s was amazingly hot because it was the whole package with the slightest tease to what is below.

Don’t get me wrong. I can appreciate the male form. I love a good cock. I love the look of it. I love the feel of it in my mouth, my pussy, my ass. I love cock - when it’s tangible. A cock photo with nothing behind it does nothing for me. It’s the flirtation, the interaction and mutual excitement that gets me going.

The same can be true to some degree for women. It is the personality that makes me wet. However, I do find that the female body is more desirably photographed. I don’t think I am necessarily within the minority in that regard.

However, this particular couple was evidently keeping score. Hubby relayed that I thought he was an attractive man and of course took note of her breasts. She asked what I thought of his cock. I gave the obligatory, “It looks nice and thick.” Evidently there was not enough attention paid to what he thought was a superb example of the male specimen.

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when a man (or woman for that matter) fishes for compliments. I love mutual flattery. I love the flirtation and expressing one another’s mutual desire. I am all for dirty talk and explaining in detail how I am going to fuck you sideways. However, I am not and will not be your Insta-Ego boost!

NEXT!

Oh, and just for good measure. There is no such thing as “situationally Bi”. Either like pussy or you don’t.

Ahhh, glad I got that off my chest. *wink*

P.S. I’m running a bit behind but please check back tomorrow for HNT!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Musing No. 39 - Precious Gift

It was a year ago that she came lilting into my life with her charming little smile and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. Her halo of platinum blond hair looked like that of a Goddess. From the moment she graced my life I have been in loving awe of that gregarious personality which is all her own. Her innocent yet precocious nature never ceases to amaze me. Her infectious little giggle and sheer exuberance for the simple pleasures of life has given me a joy I never imagined

What this little darling did not know, and may never fully realize, is how she has transformed my life forever. It is because of her that I have pushed forward leaving the past where it so long ago needed to be. It is because of her that I have striven to be the woman I always knew I could be. The woman I must be. For this blond little cherub, who came from the heavens, deserves the best this world has to offer.

I knew from the moment my eyes met hers that I would forever be changed because I was lucky enough to have known her. My darling little girl, the love o’ my life. You will forever have my heart.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Sugasm #175

I'm bummed that I just recently discovered Sugasm (I'm still a blogger newbie *wink*) and now it is on hiatus. Ah, such is life. Enjoy this weeks submission from fellow sex bloggers.

HNT courtesy of Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen.
This Week’s Picks
Pitiful
“Sometimes I miss you so much that I am pitiful.”

MFM: Frustration
“I feel the weight of someone kneeling between my legs.”

Give me one
“Give me your orgasm.”

Sugasm Editor
Fetish FridaysKidnapping

Editor’s Choice
In Which Steff Has The Worst Birthday Ever

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

BDSM & Fetish
As luck would have it, I’m the luckiest slave alive.
My Introduction to Bondage
On Your Knees
Presented

Erotic Poetry
Clouds

Sex Advice
What Does Sex Feel Like for a Woman?
Where in the world is my G Spot?

News, Reviews & Interviews
Clitoris
The Erotic Woman
Nipples
Streaming the Golden Showers
Top Five Tuesday – Bloodsuckers

Sex Humor
Options. Confession #349

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Calista
HNT: Clamps
Rock n’ Roll Princess ~HNT

Sex Politics
What the hell is “rape-rape”?

Erotic Writing & Experiences
Always Laurel
Girlfriend – Mandy
Mouth For War
Musing No. 33 - Waterfall
Sexting
A Taste of Chocolate
What lies beneath

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Musing No. 38 - HNT Recycled

As I mentioned earlier in the week I haven‘t been feeling fabulous. Unfortunately I am on a deadline with work so I haven’t been able to take off for some much needed rest. With that being said I am bowing out of the HNT this week. Well, sort of. I hate to leave y’all hanging so here is another pic of the ’girls’ from a couple HNT’s ago, sans candle. See y’all next week with some new material.

HNT_1

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Musing No. 37 - The Beginning

I have noticed that often fellow non-monogamists, who either blog or are more vocal within the mainstream media, originally began because one or both partners cheated and discovered that monogamy did not fit. My journey was somewhat different and I wonder at times if I was simply lucky to have figured it out early and to have been matched with partners who were of like mind.

My introduction to non-monogamy began long before I met Hubby. Thinking back it was my adopted sister’s brief stint in an open marriage that planted the seed in my mind. Her Hubby’s job as an engineer for the railroad kept him away from home. They decided to open their marriage more for practicality purposes. It wasn’t long before the arrangement ended in part due to my sister’s frustration that he had more dates than she did.

My first serious boyfriend, at 18 years of age, introduced me to swinging after I had confessed my attraction to women. First we began going to strip clubs and fantasizing how hot it would be to have a threesome with another woman. He had told me of a club he had frequented when he was stationed in Hawaii. He described it as “anything goes”. I didn’t put two and two together exactly what he meant at the time. Later, when I went to my first swinger club, it became clear.

I was in awe of the openness and acceptance of your sexuality. I was still very inhibited with the nervousness of youth so I was more of a voyeur than a participant. I revelled in the freedom of it all. Naked bodies dancing together - loving and accepting of each other. Orgies with bodies so intertwined that you couldn’t tell where one person began and another ended. It was intoxicating.

It was in a later relationship with my first husband that I began to fully explore my sexuality. It was then that I finally had my first experience with a woman and solidified that I was most definitely bisexual. We discovered that we both had an interest in swinging and enjoyed exploring our sexuality outside of our marriage. Though this relationship was not what I would deem successful (the story in itself is sad, depressing and entirely too long. Suffice to say he lost his battle with mental illness and took his own life) I was thankful for it’s many lessons. I learned that I can be monogamous within a relationship and feel fulfilled. However, I also learned that I prefer some manner of an open relationship. Most importantly I learned that any relationship, either monogamous or open, can not work without trust, mutual respect and honesty.

When I met Hubby is was a period of rebirth in my life. My first husband had died. I was living by myself for the first time (yes, sad but true). After spending 8 years with an abusive and very controlling husband I was thoroughly enjoying finding myself again. This may have put Hubby to a bit of a disadvantage as I wasn’t looking to fall in love or get married. I wouldn’t agree to even so much as go on a date with him in the beginning. We talked on the phone, emailed, text etc.. for over a month before I finally agreed to have lunch with him. We soon discovered that we both shared and affinity for open sexuality and were surprised that though we had never met we ran in some of the same circles.

Though the end result was similar Hubby began his sexual exploration much earlier on than I. I am sure the knowledge that his parents were swingers helped things along a bit (his parents to this day have no idea that he knows btw). In college he became involved within the swinging community both as a single guy and occasionally with a female partner. When we met he was in his 30’s and had never married which, he says now, was in part because he knew that he wanted a relationship which had room for openness.

While we always knew we would eventually want to fuck other people, in the beginning we agreed that we needed time for us. So, we did not play until we were married and the first year of our marriage was closed. When we finally decided to open our marriage it first began with discussing fantasies and dirty talk. It quickly progressed to again becoming involved within a community with which we were already quite familiar. We discovered through trial and error that for the most part we prefer to play together. We both find seeing the other give and receive pleasure to be an aphrodisiac and when we play separately it feels that something is missing; perhaps it is that extra bit of adrenaline. However, playing separately is always on the table. I have never, within this relationship, played with men alone. It just doesn’t appeal to me. I do enjoy girlfriends and there is something to be said for having some one on one girl time. More recently I have had an increasing interest in finding a girlfriend in which both he and I can play both together and separately.

In the span of our relationship we have been both monogamous and non-monogamous. In addition to the time we devoted to ourselves early on we have, when we felt it appropriate, closed up shop. For example after the birth of our daughter we had an urge to retreat into our little cocoon to enjoy being a family without any outside influences. More recently we are situationally monogamous due to our move away from our previous partners.

While we may define our relationship as being open or that we are ‘swingers’ I thoroughly enjoy that there are no limits to it. Our life and relationship is ours to create. We enjoy the freedom to choose if and when we play with others. I also greatly appreciate that this was our choice. Neither of us pressured the other or made the other feel being open was a prerequisite of the relationship.

Very lucky indeed!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Musing No. 36 - TMI Tuesday

I am fighting off a cold and as a result I am pretty much worthless this week. So my postings will likely be limited to TMI Tuesday and possibly HNT if I‘m feeling better. Of course there is always the potential for incoherent ramblings here and there. After a shot or two of cold meds I come up with the craziest notions.

1. What is your underwear "style" of choice?
Typically I prefer to go commando. If I do wear panties generally I choose lacy boy shorts (I love that peak of my ass showing) or depending upon the occasion and outfit I love a thong or g-string.

2. How old were you when you had your first sexual experience?
This may surprise some considering my sexual openness now. However, I did not do ANYTHING sexual (beyond some kissing) until I was 18 years old! There was time when Miss Eva was saving herself for marriage. Shocker huh? I have an appreciation for that time in my life filled with innocence and naivety. I very much wanted to please my parents though I always questioned their beliefs. But, boy oh boy the fun I could have had!

3. What about a potential partner turns you on?
Personality and sense of humor! Yes physical attraction is important. But personality is equal if not more so important. You can have a rockin’ body but if your personality sucks you won’t be attractive to me. On the flip side I have known people that were not traditionally good looking but their personality made them sexy as hell. I can’t fuck someone I can’t connect with mentally. When it comes down to it regardless if it’s a one night stand or a long term thing at the end of the day I want to ‘like’ the person I’m fucking.

4. Have you ever played a game which may require you or others to disrobe?
Sure. I’ve enjoyed a few games of strip poker or truth or dare.

5. Given or received finger scratch marks during sexual activity?
Both. It’s amazing what goes on in the heat of the moment.

Bonus: How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?
I don’t know if I can count. I have enjoyed days where we literally spent the entire day and night fucking with brief intermissions for sleep and nourishment.

TMI Tuesday

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Musing No. 35 - Hot For Teacher

I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this!
Whoa! Got it bad,
Got it bad,
Got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher!
I got it bad, so bad
I’m hot for teacher!

~Van Halen