Friday, September 25, 2009

Musing No. 32 - In The Closet

A fellow sex blogger, Sexie Sadie, recently wrote about a Q&A session with her family regarding her open marriage. In all honesty this has me green with envy. I do not necessarily wish to share the specifics with my family however it would be lovely to feel that there could be some manner of openness about who I am.

My family is ultra conservative and ultra judgmental. My sister firmly believes that if one is gay or bi-sexual then you are more apt to molest children. Clearly I am not going to share my affinity for the fairer sex if I ever want to be left alone with my nephew. My mother is pretty much anti sex of any kind. She believes porn is disgusting. She thinks PDA’s are inappropriate. She also firmly believes that if you find another person sexually appealing or attractive then it in some way diminishes your feelings toward your partner and as such is ‘cheating‘. Can you imagine how carefully Hubby and I are to not make it too visible that we’ve noticed a sexy man or woman pass by?

This has always been a source of contention for me. Even in my formative years I disputed their closed minded beliefs. However, now that I have a child of my own these beliefs are much more prevalent in my thoughts. Hubby and I plan to raise our daughter that ‘alternative’ relationships are valid and do work, homosexual relationships are not ‘wrong’ and that we will love, accept and embrace her regardless of what her sexual orientation may be. While we are still unsure how much or when we will clue her in on our own "arrangement", I certainly do not want her to feel that a heterosexual monogamous relationship is the only path. Due to our differing belief system I cringe at the thought of the day when our daughter begins to, as all children eventually do, mimic the lessons we have interwoven into her every day life.

I am bracing myself for the day when my sister undoubtedly questions her son being able to play with our daughter because our beliefs may inadvertently rub off. Considering the fact that my sister and brother in-law will not so much as allow their son to wear pink or eat with a pink utensil because it could "make him gay" my hopes are not high.

I have made waves here or there when I think it will not create too much scandal; in part because of my rebellious nature and also to prepare them so I won’t have as much of a fuss when I stand my ground if they correct my child. They are aware that I believe homosexuals should be given the right to marry. They are aware that I believe plural marriage should be allowed. They are aware that I do not have any issues with Hubby going to the strip club with the guys (though they don’t know that I go as well). I have made mention of my friend whom is in a poly relationship and referenced how she and her girlfriend both have children with her hubby.

How freeing it would be to be able to be open and honest about who I am, to do something as simple as listing my sexual orientation on Facebook as bi-sexual. Unfortunately, it becomes more and more clear that unless I intend to completely alienate my family I will have to continue keep the greater park of my beliefs and lifestyle in the closet.

In a recent conversation my mother expressed her belief that a child who would not have otherwise been gay may ‘give it a try‘ if you put the seed in their mind. She believe this attraction is learned rather than being innate. So, whereby if you promote that homosexuality is ‘wrong’ then your child will be less likely to be gay. Considering this is exactly how I was raised and I am in fact very much bi-sexual I had to hold back a chuckle and the urge to ask my mom, “How’d that work out for ya?”

1 comment:

  1. My kids have surprised me by their ability to see through my ex-wifes "Sex is sin" approach vs. a more tolerable and loving one.

    Have a great weekend and good luck with the bucket list

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