I am feeling stifled…sexually, emotionally, spiritually. Either which way you say it I feel caged. I knew moving back to my small home town would be a challenge to say the least. However, its becoming to be a bigger problem for me than I initially anticipated. While I realize this is temporary, and I will eventually find my niche, the growing pains can be excruciating.
Beyond the fact that I feel closeted in a small town of closed minded conservatives I am also quite logistically close to my family (whom are also quite closed minded btw). Accompanied with their tendency to just ‘drop by’ it can cause issues. Such as was the case last week which, foiled my fun afternoon with hubby taking sexy HNT photos.
I am also missing my sexy fun friends. Unfortunately due to schedule conflicts I haven’t had much opportunity to get involved in the lifestyle here. Many of my previous fuck buddies have either moved away or no longer ‘playing’. At the risk of sounding conceited I might add that the players here are not exactly my cup of tea in both physicalities and style. If most of your photos are flashing your tits in your camo hunting gear it’s safe to say we aren’t compatible. I like soft, sensual, feminine women not husky, masculine beer guzzling broads. Or as hubby would refer to them as “mouth breathers” (you know the type.. Mouth agape, glazed over look and their raspy heavy breath can be heard from across the room) *sigh*
Also I must admit that I am somewhat jealous of Hubby. I do not mean a mean-spirited vindictive jealousy. Perhaps envious is more appropriate. Though I am immensely happy for Hubby and proud of his accomplishments I am envious of Hubby ‘s return to school. While I understand he is doing this not only for himself but for us and our family’s future let’s face it learning and growing as a person is fun. Perhaps it is because I am feeling stifled in other areas I feel that I am being left behind in some sense in regards to personal growth.
However temporary my current state of mind may be I hate being the ‘grumpy gus’. I miss the fun, sexy, flirtatious and free spirited girl that is Eva. Unfortunately I do not have a nice neat bow to wrap around this blog to sum up my current dilemma into something upbeat. In order to do that I need to get my ass in gear and make some changes so that I feel better about my life and the goings on within it.
I will get there…