Monday, August 31, 2009
I am surprised by the naivety and insecurity of young women in their late teens to early twenties. Yesterday, Hubby and I enjoyed a quiet lunch at a local coffee house. I couldn’t help but eaves drop a neighbouring conversation, in part due to the young woman’s excessively booming voice. She spent the better part of a hour discussing her most recent love interest. Her thoughts were dictated by apparent insecurity and near desperate attempts to gain the young man’s attention and devoted affection. I snuck a glance back at the young ladies, whose conversation had captured my attention, and was in complete dismay. They were both very attractive, fit and well put together. Not to mention their lovely cleavage and hot young ass (not allowing my mind to wonder much further as they are practically jail bait). These young hotties could have easily had a plethora of young men vying for a chance to date them.
I have witnessed several examples of the same sort of situation over the last few weeks. Sexy young women so unsure of themselves; seemingly oblivious to the young men who are tripping over themselves hoping to gain their attention. It disturbs me to hear of the new trend among tween and teen girls giving their boyfriends blowjobs so they will like them. While I do not advocate young girls having sex before they are emotionally matured I find it appalling that they are chasing after these boys, attempting to buy their affection with sexual favors, but are not asking the boys to reciprocate. What these young women fail to realize is the exquisite power they possess, within 5 little letters, which gives them the upper hand in most situations.
P U S S Y
As a woman in my 30’s I am thankful to be at place in my life that I understand my worth and value. I can’t help but wonder had I not been involved in the swinging community would I have the same sense of security in my own sexuality and desirability. The ‘lifestyle’ community is most certainly female driven. Women are in control of what happens with whom, when and where and are treated with adoration and appreciation. This is a stark contrast to the ‘vanilla’ world where we as women are taught in many ways to doubt ourselves. Even in publications such as “Cosmopolitan”, which markets itself to young women as a more sexually open minded source, tell us to focus on our man’s needs, wants and desires above our own. “How To Turn Him On” “How To Attract Men” “What Makes Men Fall In Love”
I realize this is a far too in-depth topic matter to discuss within this format. However, simply put, the sad truth is our puritanical society teaches women at a young age to be demure and pious rather than empowered to take the reign of their own sexuality. While as a whole I do believe we live in a very male dominated society I do not believe men are solely to blame for women’s sexual insecurities. In many ways this is an epidemic of our own creation. In actuality I suspect most men would relish in a woman who is secure in who she is and what she wants.
So with that being said I will embrace my inner S L U T and hope that by doing so will help the younger generations reach sexual enlightenment, sooner rather than later.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I don’t really have a preference. However, hubby prefers the left side of the bed so I take the right. On the rare occasions I am in bed alone I sleep in the middle. Or, as hubby says, I spread out like a warm breakfast. lol
2. How old is your pillow and what condition is it in?
Hmmm…I think they are maybe 6 months old. Big, fluffy down pillows. I like lots of pillows. My bed is like a big fluffy marshmallow.
3. What is your favourite position to sleep in?
I go back and forth from lying on my back to my side. I never sleep on my stomach but oddly enough during my pregnancy I could think of nothing else…just because I couldn’t.
4. How often do you change your sheets?
Once a week - Sunday’s usually. I want my bedroom to feel like an oasis. We sprinkle baby powder on the bed and use yummy smelling fabric softeners (I love Vanilla). I love the feel and smell of freshly washed sheets. I just melt into the bed…
5. What helps you fall asleep when insomnia strikes?
I have a difficult time turning off my brain…thoughts of the day replay themselves incessantly. I also suffer from migraines which often interferes with sleep. Usually I turn on the T.V. until I am able to drift off to sleep. However, the very best cure for insomnia is a great orgasm!
6. Does sex make you sleepy or energized?
Sleepy! I love that Zen feeling after a great orgasm. All is right with the world, my body feels amazing and my mind is quiet.
7. What is the minimum amount of sleep that you need to be functional the next day.
I need at least 6 hours to not feel like a zombie in the morning.
Bonus (as in optional):Describe your most vivid dream.
Honestly I don’t dream much. I am envious of those who have steamy hot sex dreams. I have had a recurring dream since I was a kid that is not so enjoyable.
When I was a young girl I recall dreaming of a bright figure standing before my bed. I watched as the hallowed light turned into a dark black shadows. I could not move. I could not speak. I could not scream. It was agonizing. Over the years the dream was the same but as time progressed the figure came closer and closer to me. Finally now, when I have the dream, the figure is hovering over my face. I can not make out a face but I can feel a hot sticky breath on my skin. As always I am paralyzed. I can’t make a sound. I have found that if I can manage to move any part of my body it is as if this being looses it’s grasp over me. Hubby has witnessed this. My body is contorted. I am wiggling my toes trying to tap his feet so that I can wake up. It is very eerie!
A few years back we went on a ghost tour in Savannah. Among the tales of Voo Doo there was also a story of what is known as a “Boo Hag” or “Riding the Hag“. Hubby began nudging me nervously, whispering, “That’s what happens to you.”. The guide described the experience of being held immobile, a heavy weight on your chest as the hag steals your breath and life energy. As the legend goes the hag has no skin. It steals their victims skin; wearing it like clothing. Very spooky!
Don’t let de hag ride ya!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Living in a small college town again has been, and is, a bit of an adjustment. There is certainly a slower pace here. There are the down sides. Nordstrom, The Cheesecake Factory or stocking up on my fav skin care line, Kiehls, is about a 3 hour drive. However, on the plus side the night time sky is simply breath taking and our home in the country is certainly tranquil to say the least.
Being back home has brought back the realization that there are simple pleasures that one has a harder time accessing in a more Metropolitan area. We live a short distance from sizeable lake. On a hot summer day there is nothing better than a long luxurious soak in the cooling water. There is one cove, that was a favorite, that I frequented often in my not so distant past. It was peaceful and secluded. The perfect combination for skinny dipping.
One summer I recall spending most afternoons lounging in the water, feeling the warm sun on my body and the cool water gently caressing my exposed breasts. There is something so freeing about being nude and uninhibited. I enjoyed many orgasms in those waters. Exploring my hard nipples, massaging my throbbing clit, all with the excitement and anticipation of the possibility of a boater coming by and catching me, as I ENJOYED the great outdoors…..
I believe Hubby and I may need to take a trip to the lake this weekend and enjoy some simple pleasures. *wink* It will be a great opportunity for excellent HNT material for next week.
I hope everyone has a fabulous and pleasurable weekend!!!!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
2. If your current relationship would fail, do you have a back-up for physical or emotional comfort? Well, as I certainly hope that hubby and I never find our relationship in such disrepair, I have never considered a back up plan. I imagine that I would continue to enjoy sexual freedoms and friendly companionships. Not to sound arrogant but single females are quite the commodity within the swinging community so I am quite sure I would not be lacking in opportunities.
3. Can you be "just friends" with someone when there is an unrequited sexual attraction? Hmmm…this is a tough one. I can see, if unrequited, it can become an issue. But as mature adults I think it is certainly possible to overcome any awkwardness that would cause issues within the friendship.
4. In a assumed monogamous sexual relationship have you ever cheated, been cheated upon or been a knowing third party to the infidelity? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that a significant other does (did) not know about.] I have never cheated. I have however been cheated upon numerous times in past relationships (one of which was a supposed “open” relationship - I will never understand ‘cheating’ despite being given free reign). I have been approached by both men and women seeking to cheat on their partner and I have always chosen to decline. While I understand you can not control other’s actions, and I am quite sure they went on to cheat with someone else, I do have control over my choices. I could never bring myself to do it. I have been on the receiving end more times than I care to mention and I couldn’t stomach being party to putting another person in that position. Besides, there are plenty of other sexy people out there who are free to play without any guilt attached.
5. Historically, what has caused the most arguments in your relationships? Honestly it is generally less about the situation at hand and more so about our sensitive feelings. Hubby is the quintessential metro sexual. I always say I have the best of both worlds because while he is a big broad shouldered football player type (he played in college) he is also in touch with his feminine side. Unfortunately, like me, he can become sensitive to my tone or wording during a discussion. I think many women (myself included) wish for a man who was in touch with their emotions but forget the negatives that can come along with it.
Bonus (as in optional):What do you want from a partner in a long term relationship? Trust and honesty are the biggest on my list of must haves. Without both your relationship, in my opinion, is doomed to fail. Also top on my list is compassion, support and a good sense of humour. We all deserve to be with someone who is going to be our biggest cheerleader. Sexual compatibility is vital as well.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
It has been a long week... We have slowly made the trek back to my hometown with little stops along the way to visit family. Thankfully we are taking the weekend off to enjoy ourselves before beginning the tedious process of unpacking and setting up house.
It was surreal to see my old things at my parent’s house. It was interesting to notice the clues as to what would be my future self. While a lot of my tastes have changed significantly, the phase of wearing large cross necklaces during my Madonna period has long since past, the essence of ‘me’ is certainly present. There are several books and movies that inspired me back in the day. Lolita, The Lover, nude prints and my first porn film. I found my first tape on guided meditation and some of my favorite fine art prints (most of which were nude or semi-nude by the way). There are numerous movies that I watched nearly religiously with strong empowering women who were secure in their sexuality and in their own skin (one of which has a butterfly tattoo – though I didn’t consciously connect the correlation when I got my butterfly tat at 19).
I noticed in my mama’s office she still has a series of instructional books on photography. One book was dedicated to taking portraits and nude photography. I recall sneaking the book into my room or the bathroom many times; flipping through the pages, looking at the different bodies in an equal mixture of curiosity and admiration. I recall how beautifully I regarded the female form. It is ironic that even in those early stages of development I was very drawn to women physically.
Reminiscing over my old things also drew up other interesting memories that now seem to make perfect sense. For instance, I was completely fascinated with one of my teachers in particular. She was feisty and very independent; my first feminist influence. She also happened to be sexy as hell though I did not realize at the time that it was sexual attraction that had captured my attention. In a world of very thin flat chested girls to experience a curvaceous confident woman secure with her own body was intoxicating. I recall catching little glimpses of her black thigh highs under her skirt when she would hop onto her desk during a lesson. It’s ironic that at the time what I thought was simply interest in clothes was actually my attraction to women emerging.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This week’s HNT is more PG13 than the norm due to the fact that we are visiting hubby’s family as we make our way to our new home. I expect next week’s edition of HNT will be much more scantily clad as we get back into the swing of things.
I have two tattoos. The butterfly on my breast is sexy, flirtatious and carefree. I got it when I was only 19 years old and it reflects my youth and in a sense my innocence.
The tat on my back is symbolic as well but its meaning is much more intense. It is the Japanese symbol for courage. I chose to get the tat while away on my honeymoon. The timing was very symbolic for me because, after a long and difficult journey, I finally felt I was at a place of peace in my life.
My first husband took his own life. I never imagined I would be burying my spouse in my 20’s. I don’t think he imagined the turmoil and pain he would leave in his wake. I don’t think either of us imagined, after battling mental illness for many years, that many of our friends and family would blame me.
Loosing someone close to you is never easy. Loosing someone in a traumatic way is never easy. Loosing someone by his or her own will is even more so difficult. To be blamed for it is nearly unbearable.
But as the song says, The beat goes on...
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
Sooooo, after a long and difficult journey I found myself miraculously loving life again. It was then that I determined there would be no better time, as I celebrated my new journey in life, to acknowledge in a very tangible way the courage it took to get there.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
It was hot...my body pushed to the brink…the tension in my thighs…a bead of sweat trickling down my back….
…moving is a bitch! *wink* Hubby and I are embarking on our move back to my hometown where hubby will attend school. It is an adventure to say the least! Onto TMI Tuesday…I’m a bit late.
1. How do you differentiate between love and lust?
Lust is purely sexual and physical. Love involves every fiber of your being.
2. You are happily married, engaged, or committed in a relationship, yet you have a hot sexy dream about someone you have always wanted to do it with. Have you cheated at least in your mind?
We are all sexual beings. Finding someone sexually appealing is human nature. Fantasizing is healthy. I have fantasized about many many many people and occasionally I am able to act them out. *wink*
3. Do you trust your significant other?
Absolutely! I trust him more than anyone else in my life.
4. How important is your Husband or Wife wearing their Wedding bands? Is it important to you and why?
As a tangible symbol of your love and commitment to one another, I feel the wedding band is very important. Hubby and I rarely remove ours. I personally think hubby is sexy as hell with his ring on!
5. Do you feel that flirting is OK if you are taken?
Oh, of course! Flirting can be great fun and is completely harmless. My hubby is the consummate flirt, being the good southern boy that he is. lol
Bonus (as in optional):If you were 100% guaranteed not to get caught having a one-night stand with someone else, would you?
Well, considering hubby and I enjoy outside sexual endeavors getting “caught” wouldn’t so much apply. Regardless I am not a huge fan of one night stands primarily due to the fact that much of what turns me on has to do with personality and intellect. Also, I think sex can be so much more rewarding when you are with someone who has at least a general idea of how to push your sexual buttons.
Friday, August 7, 2009
This is a bit of a rant or tangent, as it were. Let me preface this to say; I have been involved with and experimented within varying types of open relationships since I was 18 years old. Though I was raised in a more conservative family environment I began to realize at a young age that I was a very sexual being and a bit more liberal, if you will, in my views towards relationships. I recall even back to my early years, watching the film Aphrodite (the 1982 French film directed by Robert Fuest), I became aware of my desire for sexual expression in my life. This was the first taste I had of the possibilities of sexual enjoyment between women or multiple lovers. While it was nothing more than soft-core erotica I was forever enticed with the thought of free sexual expression. Suffice it to say I feel pretty confident that I have a well-rounded view of the realities of this particular ‘alternative’ lifestyle.
It baffles me how often mainstream media brings forth supposed 'experts’ on the subject of open relationships whom obviously have drawn conclusions based upon biased information. I tire of the phrase, so often spoken by counselors, “I’ve never seen an open marriage work.” Of course you haven’t! I have yet to hear of a couple, monogamous or otherwise, visiting a therapist’s office because things were just so darn good! Therapists and counselors see only a very limited view of our lifestyle. I would be willing to wager that most, if not all, of the couples counseled had significant issues within the relationship long before swinging or opening the relationship was even considered.
I have witnessed first hand both the good and the bad of open relationships. I have seen couples try to salvage an already sinking ship. Sadly they flounder because they used swinging as a band-aid rather than fixing the core issues. However, I have seen a much greater percentage of happy and healthy couples successfully navigating an open relationship with trust, communication and honesty.
The truth is there are millions of alterative relationships within our country that are thriving. They are your neighbors, your accountant, your child’s teacher, and the teller at the bank. The estimate varies between 3 to 8 million Americans are involved in some manner of an open relationship. Unfortunately due to the negative stigma attached and legitimate risks involved with being open about our lifestyle most choose instead to be guarded and private. As a result the outside world only hears of the failures rather than the many many successes.
I would hope that intelligent and educated individuals, such as therapists and counselors, who choose to speak out against our life choices would come to realize that unfortunately until our society becomes more accepting it is impossible to make assessments to the success or failure of open relationships due simply to their lack of information.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Last week I expressed my love of ass play. As much as I enjoy the delicious sensations of anal play I am even more so aroused by breast and nipple play. I must admit, I love my breasts! I love the intense rush of pleasure as my nipples become firm and erect…like sparks of electricity racing to my pulsating clit. Cold ice tracing the outline of my areola...teasing me...touching the tip of my nipple with its icy caress... The intoxicating grasp of a clamp firmly pinching my nipples; a delicate balance of pain and pleasure. Of course there is always the simple yet ever powerful sensation of a warm mouth and soft exploring tongue caressing the porcelain skin of my full breasts and throbbing pink nipples to bring me to the brink of ecstasy, Mmmm….the possibilities are endless.
While she is still sexy as hell, with her gorgeously full breasts and nipples the size of gumdrops (I am a boob girl!), life has changed a great deal. We’ve both had babies. I have married. She is in the process of a divorce. We haven’t discussed anything overtly sexual in a long time.
We have planned to get together for lunch and I can’t help but wonder…will there still be a sexual chemistry?!? I have begun to think back to more passionate times…to her perfectly pink pussy…to taking her erect nipples into my mouth…gently biting… Hmmmmm…stay tuned!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I have never been a huge fan of labels. For instance, in the early stages of my sexual exploration I despised the term “bisexual”. While there was no question that I was attracted to women as well as men I was more comfortable with the term “bi-curious”. It still gives me a good chuckle to think that I so naively believed by adding the word “curious” would some how shelter me from judgment from the outside world. This was of course before it became chic to be Bi.
For some time now I have had an increased curiosity of polygamous and polyamorous relationships. While I find these styles of relationships intriguing and appealing on many levels I have always come to the conclusion that it would not be for me. I suppose this is because I have the propensity to be a bit of a bitch at times. The notion of actually finding two or three people whom I was compatible enough with to not want to strangle on a daily basis seems insurmountable.
However, an article I came across recently, on the World of Polyamory Association website, caused me to question and rethink how I identify myself in the realm of “alternative” lifestyles. You can read the article here.
“Polyamory’s about accepting diversity, even variety, in how you make love. You don’t always have to seek live-in, long-term, forever relationships to be polyamorous. If you chose a relationship that fulfills a need or desire and may not last forever, that doesn’t make you a swinger, either. You're a poly if you seek relationship, even in the swing scene.”
Personally I have never been partial to one night stands. I prefer to know those that I am sexually involved with on a more intimate level. From the beginning hubby and I have sought out playmates, whether they be couples, single females or males, whom we connected with in non-sexual ways. We also prefer longer term partners. Quality vs. quantity. However while we may flirt and share a close intimate bond with our lovers we have yet to enter into the realm of romantic emotional intimacies. Or more easily said I love my outside lovers much like I love my best friend but I am not “in love” with them. For this reason I have always ruled myself out as being polyamorous.
So…this begs to question…am I a poly swinger? Hmmmm….
...and onto TMI Tuesday
1. Family is those that are there for you no matter what regardless of blood.
2. Friends are Hmmm…want to change this one to say TRUE friends are…a precious few.
3. Exes are good ummm…can’t really answer that one. My only real ‘ex’ passed away…so…”Exes are…at peace” (hopefully).
4. Strangers …I’m a southern girl…I’ve never met a stranger!
5. Relationships are remarkable when you really 'get' each other, the way no one else can.
Monday, August 3, 2009
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in life is to embrace change. My life is soon to undergo a pretty significant change. Hubby is returning to school which means we are moving…back to my hometown.
This move brings forth a cornucopia of emotions. Living in a small college town is not exactly my ideal. I am more of a big city kinda gal.However, the advantages continuing education will bring are well worth the sacrifice.
Surprisingly the lifestyle is much more widely accepted there in comparison to what we have experienced more recently here. Now, mind you I don’t mean it’s openly accepted and embraced. We are talking about the Bible belt. However, it is quite an interesting paradox to see a high profile public figure getting their freak on with a dominatrix on Saturday and then perhaps at a charity event on Monday.It is refreshing to be surrounded by others like myself who choose not to compartmentalize their lives. They may enjoy a more alternative lifestyle but do not feel the need to turn away if you bump into to one another at the market. Discretion is simply understood.
Hubby and I have been on somewhat of a hiatus from our “lifestyle” for a while now mostly due to the logistics of having a small child. We are both looking forward to getting back into the swing of things, so to speak. Hmmm….I think this may call for a trip to Fredericks. Need to update my slut wear. *wink*